Safe Place Counselling with Vanessa Phillips

21/09/2025

06/09/2025

Exactly

31/08/2025

This!

Dear Bridget Phillipson,

As a Clinical Psychologist and parent, I'm deeply concerned by your recent comments about school attendance. You've fallen into a classic correlation-versus-causation error.

Children who miss the first week aren't absent because they "started badly" - they're likely facing underlying challenges that make school psychologically unsafe. When 1.6 million pupils are persistently absent, that's not a compliance problem - it's a design failure.

The real question isn't "How do we get children into classrooms?" but "Why are so many children unable to attend school?"

In my clinical practice, I regularly see:
• Children with neurodivergent profiles struggling with the school environment
• Pupils experiencing school-based anxiety so severe it manifests as physical symptoms
• Families forced into "elective" home education because schools can't meet their child's needs
• Children whose attendance difficulties stem from trauma responses

Fining struggling families adds pressure without addressing root causes.

Instead of focusing on compliance, let's ask:
- What makes school feel unsafe for so many children?
- How can we adapt environments to meet diverse needs?
- What support do families actually need?

Every child deserves education that supports both learning AND wellbeing. That sounds really hard for our education system, but it's exactly what our children deserve.

Dr. Natasha Holden
Clinical Psychologist & PDA Mum

21/08/2025

So damn proud of all my yr11 clients for proving that difficulties with school attendance does not make you a failure. The pressures of these messages however, mess with your mental health.

12/08/2025

02/08/2025

Psychologists Demand Urgent Education Reform to Protect Children's Mental Health

18/06/2025

What colour, shape, texture, smell, voice and words make you think of the feeling of safety and connection.

22/05/2025

Treated my room to a 'Pretty Turtle' plant to mark qualifying as a supervisor 🙂

06/05/2025

Exactly this

Last night I was in conversation with tween moms… “Where are all these meltdowns coming from?!?”

It’s a real thing… And even if your child never had epic tantrums as a toddler, as a parent of a tween/teen you’re sure to be seeing pretty tumultuous eruptions now.

One minute they’re laughing at the dinner table. The next they’re slamming doors.
Wailing.
Rolling eyes.
And shouting “You don’t understand!” or “This is SO unfair!”

And you’re left dazed and utterly confused thinking,
“What the heck just happened?!”
And “Where did the far-more-regulated child I had a year ago disappear to?”

Here’s what happened (and no, you didn’t fail as a parent and they’re STILL your absolutely amazing kid):

Your child’s brain is under construction. MAJOR renovation. ⚒️

During the tween and teen years, the emotional part of the brain (the amygdala) is supercharged- like a car with a jammed-down accelerator. 🏎️

At the same time, the logical, calming part (the prefrontal cortex) - the one that manages impulse control, empathy, and rational thinking- is still in development and won’t fully mature until their mid-20s. Yip. MID-20’s. (Take a deep breath here- it’s going to be okay!)

This means that emotions:
Come big. ⛈️
Come fast. 💨
And come first- often before words, logic or self-regulation catch up.

Toss in some hormones, peer pressures, identity struggles, and a growing need for independence, and you have the perfect storm for many almighty emotional rollercoasters.🎢

But there’s hope. (Yes! 🙌🏽)

Each meltdown, teary explosion, or door slam is actually an opportunity…

An opportunity for your child’s brain to practice regulating under stress.

An opportunity for you to be their calm anchor in the wild storm when they can’t be. (Note I said ‘can’t be’ not ‘refuse-stubbornly not to be’. These rollercoasters we flip out about are actually not in their control to suddenly ‘stop and sort out!’) ⚓️

When we don’t take the bait, 🎣
When we can pause, breathe, 🧘
And recognize the wild and chaotic rearranging happening within our tween and teen brains,

When we can (at least try) to find a little compassion, listen and understand:

Those under-construction brains wire resilience. 🧠
They wire emotional intelligence. 💟
Not in the easy moments, but in the messy ones.

The safe place we create in the chaos becomes the harbour they will return to. Again. And again.

So next time the storm hits, try this:
🧘‍♀️ Stay calm - they need your nervous system more than your words. (And you’re not actually under attack here- despite what it may feel like!)

🫶🏽 Validate- “I see you’re really overwhelmed right now." (Now is NOT the time for lectures!)

🛟 Hold space (that’s means hang around without reacting) - let the wave pass.

🗣️ Talk later (even the next day)- reflect when calm has returned.

Parenting tweens and teens is not about stopping the rollercoaster. 🎢
You can’t!
It’s about riding it beside them,
And showing them, by your example, how to stay buckled in and not fly off the tracks.

And always, always remember: As nightmarish as these moments of volcanic eruption may feel for you, this entire process is a whole lot harder for them. 🌋

You’ve got this. 💪🏽
And so do they-
one bumpy ride at a time.

With love,
Naomi ❤️

20/04/2025

Today is Reggie's first birthday!

14/03/2025

So true 🙂