Liz Chambers Counselling

31/07/2025

What part of yourself have you been shrinking to keep the peace?

If this question strikes a chord, you’re not alone. I regularly see this in my work. I wanted to share a few reflections that might resonate:

People-pleasing often begins as a survival strategy to gain love and attention when you don’t believe you’re worthy of it by simply being you.

This is not conscious but develops as a way of being with the hope of keeping others happy. Of keeping things calm. Of being liked or needed. It can feel generous. Caring. Even loving.

But when you’re scanning for how others feel and don’t have insight to what you need, something gets lost. And more often than not, that something is you.

If you are the person who remembers everyone’s birthdays, organises everything, absorbs tension before it erupts. The one who makes themselves easy to be around. Helpful. Pleasant. Accommodating. You are people-pleasing.

This costs you. Beneath the surface, you are often exhausted. Resentful. With a longing to be seen and supported in the same way they care for everyone else.

People-pleasing isn’t always about goodness. What can begin in childhood as a way to manage unpredictable emotions, have warmth, can become the very patterns that limit us later in life.

You don’t need to earn love by being agreeable. You don’t need to be low-maintenance to be worth looking after and you are not selfish for wanting your own needs to matter too.

The work is to notice when you’re disappearing to be acceptable to others. Then begin choosing yourself without apology.

Start small. It will feel uncomfortable but keep practising until you find yourself starting a sentence with “I need support for …” or “Thanks for asking, but I can’t.”

I’d really love to hear how this resonates, feel free to share your thoughts below.

With love,
Julia x

20/11/2024

A Life Around

from ‘Growing Brave’ by Donna Ashworth

I grew a life around my grief
despite its daunting size
I moved my things to fit it in
and listened when it sighed

I threw my windows open
to bring it nurturing sun
even grief needs daylight
and often craves a little fun

I washed my grief with care
I spoke to it of you
I brought it out to roam the park
the way you’d often do

this grief is quite the lodger
we’ve fallen into step
we mooch around like soulmates
in work, in play, in rest

and when the days feel light
grief lingers by the door
afraid he can’t accompany me
afraid he’ll be a bore

but in my heart I make a space
and bring him for the ride
together we walk side by side
I see no need to hide

I grew a life around my grief
I made a home for two
for now this grief’s a part of me
the me who’s missing you.

02/07/2024

Grief - by Gwen Flowers

I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I’m learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself –
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new dimension of self.

Artwork - Unknown

15/05/2024

Seen this poem today and love its message...

Donna Ashworth
‘Sadness comes’

Sadness came to tea last night
as she’s often done before
but I didn’t let her in this time
I stopped her at the door

“I’m off to meet with friends”, I said
“your timing isn’t right
I can’t allow your atmosphere
it’s not the place tonight”

but sadness wouldn’t take the hint
her manners lack finesse
her pace was slow and heavy
yet she kept up nonetheless

and even when I took my place
amongst my laughing friends
she squeezed herself right in-between
her boldness never ends

and I was sure my friends would see
this spectre at the feast
and somehow think me lesser
for inviting such a beast

but no, their warmth was undeterred
as if nothing was new
I think perhaps they know by now
I sometimes come as two

and even sadness seemed to glow
a lighter shade of grey
to know that she’s accepted
seemed to lighten up her day

so let your sad accompany you
don’t think her hard to bear
no need to face her all alone
just pull an extra chair.

19/03/2024

I am very much aware of difficulties people may have accessing therapy due to financial struggles. In my private practice I offer reduced fees for some clients. When you get in touch, don't forget to ask as I may be able to help.

Also just a reminder of a charity in York that I am a trustee and volunteer for. We offer 'low cost' short term counselling. Take a look at the page ⬇️

https://www.facebook.com/121counsellingyork

A York-based charity offering short term mental health counselling

20/12/2023

Its not just what we have experienced in our lives that shapes us, its also the experiences our ancestors have had....

Inherited trauma has the power to shape how we move through the world