08/12/2024
In dysfunctional families - like in The Emperor’s New Clothes - the person who see’s the nakedness, or what’s really going on, is - all too often - blamed and scapegoated by the rest of the clan.
Often families have a strong desire to be seen as ‘fine’ or even ‘good’ on the outside and expect everyone on the inside to perpetuate the happy-family-myth. But for some children - especially highly intelligent and sensitive children - this can be a hard pill to swallow. They know what’s what and refuse to join in with the family collusion.
This can be as simple as refusing to kiss creepy Grandpa, or being visibly sad when upset, or expressing anger in the face of injustice and so on. They might pick up on tension, uncomfortable atmospheres, wonder about affairs, or be privy to addictions. Some may be aware their parents are distracted and understand they’re not getting their needs met.
This ‘Conspiracy of Fine’, can have a devastating and life long effect on children who grow up repeatedly being told that ‘everything’s fine’ and that ‘they’ are the problem.
All the family ills can then be projected onto this child (in an everything-would-be-fine-if-she-just-did-x-way) and eventually the child starts to believe the family press.
As time goes on, children in these families, screen out the obvious dysfunction and instead believe there’s something fundamentally wrong with them.
This is developmental poison.
If you’ve been labelled ‘difficult’, ‘hard to love’ or ‘too much’ - maybe you were simply responding to a very real and difficult environment.
Maybe you saw the king was wearing no clothes and were brave enough to call it out. ✨