Robyn Spens - MindFull Transformation

18/10/2024

Getting ready to say No ! trust me it’s a complete sentence that requires no explanation. Want to learn this skill ?

10/10/2024

Are You Holding Back Your True Thoughts? Here's Why It Could Be Hurting You.

Have you found yourself repeatedly hesitating to speak up, worried about how your thoughts will be received, reviewed, or judged?

You’re not alone—and it’s crucial to understand why keeping these thoughts bottled up can be damaging to your confidence.

When you suppress your feelings, it leads to frustration and anger.
You may find yourself stuck in what I call the sh.tty cycle of appeasing others, sacrificing your own voice, and slowly losing confidence in your ability to advocate for yourself.

If you could flip a switch and change all of that would you?

This is exactly what The Boundary Club offers.

It’s an option to frame your advocacy and alter the way you think and act.

Think of it as clearing out your summer wardrobe to make room for your winter essentials—getting rid of the beliefs that no longer serve you, and replacing them with strong, confident boundaries that propel you forward.

In The Boundary Club, you’ll let go of the need to please others and start cultivating the resilient mindset you need to thrive not just survive.

You’ll learn to confidently set boundaries and take action that aligns with your values and desires.

Are you ready to experience a shift you thought you'd never feel?

Join The Boundary Club and experience it for yourself.
Schedule an informative consult today:
https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

30/06/2024

Change happens when you advocate for yourself with boundaries

07/06/2024

Can you handle the discomfort of others?

Well the quickest way to find out is to say "No."
Saying "No" requires you to tolerate another person's discomfort.

If your spouse - partner ask you to take a weeks holiday with their family and you don’t fancy that request, you have two choices you can say yes to appease whilst feeling resentment or you can say no to please you and tolerate their discomfort

If your boss asks you to stay late once again and you have plans with friends or family, you face two choices: you can say yes to earn your boss's approval but suffer personal discomfort, or you can say no and tolerate your boss's disappointment.

Either way, there will be some degree of discomfort. However uncomfortable let's take this opportunity to acknowledge the truth setting limits is difficult.

Saying yes can feel rewarding while saying no feels like a punishment.

Being consistently agreeable brings short term comfort and long-term misery if your yes is not sincere.

It is difficult to balance the comfort of both parties in a relationship

To often we prioritise the need to appease others over our own needs that said, always siding with your own needs can be burdensome in a healthy relationship

Getting the balance right requires insight

Insight gained not from black or white thinking but from the middle the grey area.

Your expectations will change when you:

Stop looking for your validation in uncomfortable relationships.

Are clear about your needs and communicate them well

Gain clarity around the needs of others ask good questions

Raise your awareness of anything in your past that is repeatedly contributing to uncomfortable relational patterns.

Seek support to help you identify where you may be re-enacting familiar patterns unconsciously hoping to change the outcome.

I can help you get the balance right.

�Book your complimentary consult here: https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

The Boundary Club

06/06/2024

Courage is the powerful force that enables you to overcome obstacles, speak up for yourself, drive change, and ultimately become who you were truly meant to be.

The call to courage reaches everyone at some point in life.
If you don't answer, who will?

If you don’t advocate now, then when?

Courage involves managing and triumphing over fear.

It is the decision—whether taken in the moment or day by day— to take ownership and assert control over a situation, over oneself, or over a destiny that others have simply accepted.

You can ignore courage or you can embrace it.

You can wait for someone else to rescue you, or you can decide to stand up and take action yourself.

Which path will you choose?

Every agent of change faces this crucial choice at a critical turning point—the moment of your truth.

Will you be courageous?

Will you discover your true self?

Will you overcome rejection?

Will you be authentic and break free from denial?

Will you expose yourself to new challenges?

Will you seek guidance when needed?

Will you be vulnerable and share your true nature with the world?

Will you dare to believe in what is possible for you?

Will you step outside of the zone of comfort and discover what you are truly capable of?

I hope so.

Change is what my clients achieve day in and day out.

Ready to answer the call of courage?
It lives up to its reputation!

Book your complimentary consult here: https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

The Boundary Club

25/05/2024

It is my hope that scanning through my post has provided you with some ideas on how to advocate for yourself, set healthy boundaries and say No.

If you’re not convinced, this is important skill, let me add some fuel to the fire

Staying silent and burying your voice isn’t going to undo the months or years of pain caused by not speaking up for yourself or constantly saying yes.

Not using your voice creates pain in every part of your life.

This is why advocating for yourself feels so tough to do. It requires a multi-faceted commitment to see lasting results and the truth is it may feel incremental at first.

I hope you don’t think of this as bad news - but rather a straight forward, honest opinion that I’ve learned from my own people pleasing behaviour which spanned 20 years.

It took me 6 months to change things at the time including leaving a toxic job, letting manipulative people go, courageously speaking up for myself, and committing to self-care.

It would be better for my practice to promise you amazing results with just one session but that’s not how I work.

The good news here is if you work with me and commit to advocating for yourself, including changing how you communicate your decisions to others, sovereignty will find you.

How you say No will play a big role in this change.

What’s ironic is the boundaries you think you need to set, would not be necessary if you just said NO in the first instance.

Think about that!

One thing I know for sure is our work together will leave you proficient in the art of saying no and speaking up for yourself.

Here are two tips to kickstart that change now:

Stop complaining about what other people say. complaints don't work

Instead ask yourself where you have power to change the situation or your response to it.

Stop over-focusing on pushing another person towards change.

Instead re focus your energy into what you have power over and the power to change.

Click on the link for an introductory consult:
https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

24/05/2024

I've always loathed bullying. Whether in the workplace or within a family, it is one of the most uncomfortable behaviours to experience, witness, or be a part of. The damage bullying causes is devastating, leading to loss of confidence, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Through my work with people who have been bullied, I've noticed a surprising trend: bullies are starting to seek help. It seems that being a bully is becoming increasingly difficult to hide in professional environments, and people are no longer willing to be bystanders.

Bullies are being called out and rightfully so.

As a result, many bullies are seeking the professional help they truly need.

Bullying often involves a power imbalance, where bullies use their role, popularity, or wealth to control or intimidate others.

One of the things I know from experience is there's nothing more unpleasant than an adult acting out their childhood imprints on others.

The actions of a bully can be both overt and subtle, making bullying difficult to discern. This can have a devastating effect on the recipient.

Here are some types of bullying behaviours I've come across in my work:

Verbal bullying: This involves saying hurtful things to intimidate, insult, or humiliate the recipient. It can be tricky to pin down because it's often disguised as jokes or banter

Social bullying: This involves damaging a reputation or social status by excluding the person, spreading rumours, or deliberately making them feel isolated.

Workplace bullying: This is often the worst, including verbal abuse, sabotage, and unfair criticism. I've heard horrendous stories of bullies mistreating co-workers, employees, or clients to exert control or assert dominance.

Understanding what compels someone to bully is necessary if we want them to stop.

Bullies often behave badly to get what they want or to cope with their own feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, or anxiety.

They thrive on power and control but crave attention.

The attention they receive, whether positive or negative, can be both addictive and validating.

Whatever the reason, bullying is never acceptable.

Learning to advocate for yourself can be a game-changer. Working with a therapist or coach can help both the bullied and the bully.

Bullying is a learned behaviour, often imprinted by parents, peers, or authority figures.

It is unhealthy and has dreadful consequences for the person bullied. It's important to note that the bully's mental health is also at risk, as continuing this behaviour leads to poor performance at work, problems in relationships, anger management issues, and high levels of depression.

If you are a bully and want to stop, I can help you set internal boundaries and develop healthier ways to interact with others.

I invite you to work with me one-on-one to address these issues and improve your mental health and overall well-being.

Click on the link for an introductory consult: https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

22/04/2024

Boundaries, like everything else in life, can be a balancing act.

One moment you're confidently setting them, the next someone's reaction can shake that confidence.

But it's all part of the process. Setting boundaries means accepting both the calm and the storm, just like embracing both sunshine and rain.

Advocating for yourself might feel awkward and messy at first, but it's necessary to break unhealthy patterns.

Embrace those uncomfortable moments instead of avoiding them.

Learning to advocate for yourself is a fundamental skill.

Remember, you have the power to choose your role in setting a boundary:

You can be a passive observer or active participant who advocates no matter how challenging?

When stuck in passivity one often resorts to complaining, perpetuating negativity.

Please know, it is possible to shift perspectives by seeking out alternatives even in challenging situations.

Start actively changing the narrative

Let me share with you one powerful rule of the mind:

The words you tell yourself and the pictures you paint in your mind will become your reality

Make this rule part of how you advocate of yourself.

Paint powerful pictures and speak life into your boundaries

Would you like to know more about how changing your pattern of thought empowers your boundary setting?

Schedule an informative consult here:
https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

18/04/2024

If it seems increasingly difficult to set boundaries.

You're not alone!

Many of us find it challenging, despite numerous efforts over the years to advocate for ourselves.

Yet, here we are, still not standing up for ourselves.

You haven't done anything wrong.

In reality, you’ve most likely been attempting to set boundaries persistently, for a long time particularly with those closest to you. But, without the know how

Ironically, the desire to please others can often lead to a counterproductive cycle.

This cycle typically starts with the initial motivation to please and be liked, which then leads to a fear of rejection, emotional triggering, and subsequent feelings of guilt.

During the consultation, I'll explain why this happens and, more crucially, how you can overcome the habit to please others.

You'll learn strategies to establish healthy boundaries effectively, transforming how you interact with those around you.

Our work together will disrupt this cycle and equip you with the know how to stand firm in your action, decisions and relationships!

Book a consult and you’ll learn:

How neglecting your own self-care can result in burnout and bitterness, that negatively impacts both your wellbeing and your relationships.

How hesitating to practice self-care because you feel it takes away from others, creates repercussions for your own mental health.

How to not allow guilt to hinder your self-care routine. I will share how it's possible to manage feelings of guilt while still making time for your own needs.

How many more years will you stay stuck in a boundary-less cycle?

Take advantage of the value you will receive in this consult.

Schedule an informative consult here:
https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

17/04/2024

What is your emotional response when you think I must stop people pleasing?

Do you freeze, take flight, or fight with yourself?

Right now you are the architect of your own experience and you can become the curator of your own boundaries, to do so requires you delve deeply into your triggers and guilt

I understand the challenges and resistance to letting go of people pleasing behaviours - I know this pain intimately.

When you work with me I help you create a relationship with boundaries that serves you and your purpose

After completing the Boundary Club - You will feel comfortable and capable in situations that are anything but!

I understand the frustration of not being able to communicate your boundaries and I want to partner with you to change all of that.

However in order to do so I need to understand what is motivating you or not inspiring you advocate for yourself and-

How I can guide you to become self sufficient, confident and empowered.

I warmly invite you to join me on a call to talk through the options for ridding yourself of this habit.

Schedule your complimentary consult here:
https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

16/04/2024

I decided to embark on a personal challenge of embracing silence, giving it a true chance to influence my life.

Setting a two-week timeframe seemed doable, considering past experiences where the initial days were often riddled with negative self-talk and harsh self-judgement.

The first week mirrored my expectations.

The urge to interject my thoughts surged in every encounter.

Halfway through, the temptation to break the silence became almost overwhelming.

Yet, I persevered. By the end of the first week, I felt an immense sense of pride for staying true to my commitment.

The onset of the second week presented its own challenges. However, I consciously avoided dwelling on the slow passage of time—an accomplishment in itself.

As the second week unfolded, it tested my patience, but in return, it revealed invaluable insights.

What became clear is that unnecessary chatter dilutes your most precious commodity.

The inability to hear yourself breeds a dependency on external validation.

Silence, I realised, is an Art—words can either invite opportunities or shut them out.

With each passing day of reduced speech, my wisdom swelled. It felt like genuine progress.

What I now grasp is this:

Silence, although uncomfortable for many, is an essential skill.

This experience has been transformative, reminiscent of the arduous paths I've traversed, particularly my struggles with people-pleasing dynamics at work and in relationships.

Before undertaking this journey, I frequently reneged on promises to myself, yielding to external pressures with alarming swiftness.

Embracing silence became a catalyst for self-advocacy

Embracing silence empowered me to assert myself.

Honouring commitments and navigating through challenges like this are pivotal in reshaping one's self-relationship.

It's akin to the work we undertake in the Boundary Club.

Join me in this journey, and witness a newfound confidence stemming from resilience—even when the path seems toughest.

Click here to schedule your consult.
https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club

The Boundary Club

07/04/2024

The challenge of valuing others' approval over our own self-assessment is a common one, particularly in the workplace, and often goes unrecognised.

Through introspection, my client realised her penchant for people-pleasing stemmed from a deep-seated emotional need for acceptance.

The opinions of others had a profound influence on her sense of well-being, overshadowing her views of herself.

Recognising the importance of self-advocacy marked a turning point for my client, although it was a concept with which she was initially unfamiliar.

My client's pursuit of love and approval consumed a significant portion of her emotional energy.

By letting others' opinions shape her self-esteem, she inadvertently surrendered her power to them.

She had devoted countless hours to managing these external perceptions, neglecting the crucial task of establishing healthy boundaries.

My client's failure to set these boundaries, under the mistaken belief that she lacked the right to do so, not only undermined her self-respect but also deprived her of the opportunity to show care for herself and others through the establishment of respectful and appropriate limits.

My client's experience is not unique, which is why I founded the Boundary Club, where advocating for yourself takes centre stage.

If you want to feel better, set boundaries and express your truth without guilt.

Work with me one-to -one or join the Boundary Club.
Find out more here
Click here to schedule your consultation.
https://www.robynspens.com/the-boundary-club