07/12/2025
A couple sat across from me last week, both exhausted in different ways.
She said, “I feel invisible.”
He said, “I feel like I’m always failing.”
And between those two sentences was something I see over and over again as a relationship coach:
ADHD.
Not the kind people joke about.
Not the “oops, I forgot my keys again” stereotype.
But the kind that quietly shapes a relationship from the inside out.
As they talked, something beautiful happened.
She explained how hurt she felt when he forgot the important things.
He explained how ashamed he felt every time he realized he’d forgotten.
She took the inconsistency personally.
He thought she saw him as unreliable.
She felt unloved.
He felt unworthy.
It wasn’t a lack of effort.
It wasn’t a lack of love.
It was two nervous systems trying to reach each other through static.
I told them something I’ve told so many couples:
ADHD doesn’t mean someone can’t be a good partner.
It means the relationship needs new tools, not new people.
By the end of the session, something shifted.
She wasn’t looking at a partner who “didn’t care.”
She was looking at someone whose brain was wired differently.
He wasn’t looking at a partner who was “always upset.”
He was looking at someone who felt unseen and needed reassurance.
Understanding replaced blame.
Awareness replaced resentment.
And for the first time in a long time, they reached for each other’s hands.
If you’re in a relationship where ADHD is part of the story, I want you to know this:
You’re not broken.
Your relationship isn’t doomed.
You just haven’t been taught the language yet.
And that’s the work I love most — helping couples finally hear each other.
If this resonates with your own story, drop a 💛 or comment “ADHD.”
I’ll send you a free resource I created that might help bring clarity (and hope).
