08/12/2021
Excellent post âŠ
The single most important influence our sense of self/self worth comes from our relationship with parent figures.
Our parents interactions with us reflect back our sense of self. We internalize this their voice + it becomes our own inner voice. Our identity.
If we had parents who invalidated our emotions, denied our realities, or disapproved of core parts of who we areâ we feel this as children. We start to develop beliefs that we are unworthy, unlovable, + have a fear that something about us is broken.
This the mother or father wound.
A wound where our first caretakers (who our lives depended on) didnât fully accept or couldnât love us in the ways we needed.
When this happens, we search for love + validation in everyone we meet. We become chronic people pleasers desperate to be âgood enoughâ to be accepted.
Unconsciously, we re-create this parent child dynamic with romantic partners. We over extend ourselves, allow our boundaries to be crossed, allow people to betray us, place our self with in someone elseâs hands, release our own needs in order to feel close to someone else.
External validation is the only way we can feel worthy. Of course when someone doesnât validate our worth, the blow feels crushing. Especially with romantic partners where we feel the original parental rejection all over again.
We talk a lot in our culture about red flags when dating, + thatâs a good thing! What we donât talk enough about is: red flags donât feel like red flags when they were once our familiar.
Many of us need to learn how to validate ourselves, how itâs OK to upset or disappoint people, + how authentic relationships do not involve betraying ourselves to be loved or chosen.
If youâre always seeking external validation, youâll lose the connection to your own voice, your own needs, + your own power
