13/09/2025
Spaniel Owners' instruction/disclaimer note 🤣🤣🤣
Dear Owner,
Congratulations on acquiring your Spaniel. Please find the instructions for your particular model listed below:
Although your Spaniel comes fully assembled, due to particular issues during production, we do occasionally have problems with components such as screws. They invariably are either loose or missing altogether.
Mode 1: This is the sleep mode, activated for short periods of the day as the Spaniel matures. This is normal and you should not worry about it, just accept the peace and quiet while you can.
Mode 2: Anarchy. Although we have tried to ease the effect of anarchy mode, it’s not always possible. There are inherent issues with the timer settings of anarchy mode in regards to there being none. Should your Spaniel suddenly go from comatose to running around the walls, we cannot stop this feature.
Sunlight: Do not allow your Spaniel to stay in the sun too long. They can burn if left unattended but they also recharge. Too much of a charge and Mode 2 (above) can be activated without warning.
Energy consumption: This has been an ongoing issue as their energy consumption is too direct. We have tried to put baffles, non return valves and diversions in place but none seem to work adequately.
Naming: Your Spaniel comes untitled as we feel owners should use names of their own. If you are unsure, we have listed below a few names our owners like to use:
You little sh….
You’re kidding me
Is that yours?
Don’t you dare
Ok, you
Put that down
Why?
Get that out of your mouth
Don't roll in that!
Software: Your Spaniel is re-installed with the highest software and hardware. This includes the loyalty chip, the steal the dinner chip, fun chip, accompany you to the bathroom chip, takeover your life chip, fur in everything chip, and of course, the highly popular mayhem chip. They are all running on the Whatthehell operating system 12.2. Although this has been in circulation for many years, we have found it simply cannot be improved upon.
Should you have any queries you can reach us on 0800-what-did-I-do -to-deserve-this.
We hope you have many years of enjoyment with your Spaniel.
Please be aware that by the time you have read this, your warranty will have run out.
Unfortunately, we do not renew warranties and we do not offer refunds or returns, ever. That adorable creature with the big, bright brown eyes and gorgeous floppy ears is your furever friend now!
Has anyone else got a similar model?
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