21/02/2026
Losing Yourself in Grief…
I’m a personal trainer. I preach routine, consistency, discipline, showing up even when you don’t feel like it.
And right now, I’m struggling.
After Christmas I was back in my rhythm — tracking, weighing, measuring, strength training, hitting my steps. I fell in love with running and worked my way up to 5 miles. I felt strong. In control.
Then 4 weeks ago I lost my Nan. I watched her take her last breath. I have never experienced heartbreak like it.
But I carried on. I ran. Running became my therapy — time to think, reflect, cry. I kept working. Kept training. Kept the kids’ routine solid. I thought I was coping the “right” way.
Then last weekend my Grandad went to be with her.
And what followed took me into depths of grief I didn’t know existed.
My husband being away forced me to slow down, but I wasn’t prepared for how much I would unravel.
This week I haven’t run.
I haven’t trained.
I haven’t eaten properly,I have either not eaten at all or I’ve binged on all the wrong foods desperately hoping to feel better but actually felt worse.
I haven’t hydrated.
I’ve slept more than usual.
The kids have had more screen time. Chocolate for breakfast happened.
I’ve been snappy. I’ve cried.
And then I’ve danced around the living room with Lily to Grandad Pete’s favourite song,Bohemian Rhapsody.
Grief is wild like that.
The loneliness is strange too — because I know I have incredible friends who would sit with me while I cry. But reaching out feels exhausting. Everything feels exhausting.
I know this is grief. At least that’s what I’ve read.
And I know grief is the price we pay for love.
But this is the hardest thing I’ve ever walked through.
So what’s the point of this post?
Honestly, I’m asking for understanding.
If I’ve been quieter with my clients.
If I’ve been disengaged on social media.
If I’ve seemed distant or not quite myself.
I’m navigating something heavy.
My grandparents came from a generation where you just got on with it. I can almost hear my Grandad telling me to pull myself together — in that abrupt but loving way he had. 🥹
So I’m going to practice what I preach.
Not perfection. Not extremes.
One day at a time.
It starts with one nutritious meal.
One litre of water.
One run.
And I’ll build from there.
Because I will be back.
And if you’re reading this while going through your own storm — it’s okay. It’s okay to let the rollercoaster just be what it is. We all cope differently. Life can feel unbearable… and then beautiful again.
How lucky I am to get to 41 years of age and still had my Grandparents around. They got to watch me grow up,become a wife,become a mother. And I got to love them a lot longer than some people get.
I am truly blessed. 🙏
RIP To my Nan and my Grandad. Until we meet again 🕊️💔
To my clients— thank you for your patience and kindness this week. I appreciate you more than ever.
🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
