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25/02/2024
21/09/2023

đź’” Grief is not a gentleman! đź’”

When friend and author Kendana Kay Heston posted this, it really hit home. With her permission, I wanted to share her very personal thoughts on her own journey with grief.

Grief is a relentless visitor that barges into our lives unannounced, never waiting for an invitation.

It demands our immediate attention, forcing us to drop everything and acknowledge its presence.

It doesn't care if we're in the middle of a joyous moment or caught up in our daily routines.

Grief expects us to surrender our undivided attention and face our emotions head-on.

But amidst its intrusive nature, remember that healing takes time. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the unpredictable journey of grief.

03/08/2023

Maturity is…

03/08/2023

Dear Mom and Dad,

Please stick with me.

I can’t think clearly right now because there is a rather substantial section of my prefrontal cortex missing. It’s a fairly important chunk, something having to do with rational thought. You see, it won’t be fully developed until I’m about 25. And from where I sit, 25 seems a long way off.

My brain is not yet fully developed

It doesn’t matter that I’m smart; even a perfect score on my math SAT doesn’t insulate me from the normal developmental stages that we all go through. Judgement and intelligence are two completely distinct things.

And, the same thing that makes my brain wonderfully flexible, creative and sponge-like also makes me impulsive. Not necessarily reckless or negligent but more impulsive than I will be later in life.

So when you look at me like I have ten heads after I’ve done something “stupid” or failed to do something “smart,” you’re not really helping.

You adults respond to situations with your prefrontal cortex (rationally) but I am more inclined to respond with my amygdala (emotionally). And when you ask, “What were you thinking?” the answer is I wasn’t, at least not in the way you are. You can blame me, or you can blame mother nature, but either way, it is what it is.

At this point in my life, I get that you love me, but my friends are my everything. Please understand that. Right now I choose my friends, but, don’t be fooled, I am watching you. Carefully.

Please stick with me.

Here’s what you can do for me:

1. Model adulting.

I see all the behaviors that you are modeling and I hear all of the words you say. I may not listen but I do hear you. I seem impervious to your advice, like I’m wearing a Kevlar vest but your actions and words are penetrating. I promise. If you keep showing me the way, I will follow even if I detour many, many times before we reach our destination.

2. Let me figure things out for myself.

If you allow me to experience the consequences of my own actions I will learn from them. Please give me a little bit of leash and let me know that I can figure things out for myself. The more I do, the more confidence and resilience I will develop.

3. Tell me about you.

I want you to tell me all the stories of the crazy things you did as a teen, and what you learned from them. Then give me the space to do the same.

4. Help me with perspective.

Keep reminding me of the big picture. I will roll my eyes at you and make all kinds of grunt-like sounds. I will let you know in no uncertain terms that you can’t possibly understand any of what I’m going through. But I’m listening. I really am. It’s hard for me to see anything beyond the weeds that I am currently mired in. Help me scan out and focus on the long view. Remind me that this moment will pass.

5. Keep me safe.

Please remind me that drugs and driving don’t mix. Keep telling me that you will bail me out of any dangerous situation, no anger, no lectures, no questions asked. But also let me know over and over and over that you are there to listen, when I need you.

6. Be kind.

I will learn kindness from you and if you are relentless in your kindness to me, someday I will imitate that behavior. Don’t ever mock me, please and don’t be cruel. Humor me-I think I know everything. You probably did as well at my age. Let it go.

7. Show interest in the things I enjoy.

Some days I will choose to share my interests with you, and it will make me feel good if you validate those interests, by at least acting interested.
One day when the haze of adolescence lifts, you will find a confident, strong, competent, kind adult where a surly teenager once stood. In the meantime, buckle in for the ride.

Please stick with me.

Love,
Your Teenager
https://trib.al/UH3q0bm

03/08/2023

đź’—

02/08/2023

An old emotional scar, that I was certain had healed, broke open unexpectedly yesterday. And as soon as it did, all of the old ghosts that haunted me at the time of my wounding came to pay me a l most unwelcome visit.

Shame.
Fear.
Guilt.
Despair.

They all arrived to have a graveyard picnic on my heart. It did not take long for me to fracture like a fancy dinner plate bouncing on a concrete patio.

While I was sitting there in pieces I found myself reciting the lines to this poem/prayer I wrote myself on the day when I first received that old scar.

If you are finding yourself a bit fractured today, I hope these words holds you for a bit you as they did me.

I love you.

***

Me: Hey God.

God: Hey My love,.

Me: I'm about to break.

God: Why do you think that is?

Me: Because life just keeps getting harder.

God: Then you need to become softer.

Me: Huh?

God: Here is the thing:

glass is hard
but it can shatter
easily when dropped

rock is hard
but it can be broken
quickly with a drill

gold is hard
but it can be melted
in a blazing fire

don't be so hard
that you break down so easily.

be soft
like wet clay
in the hands of a potter

be soft like
river water
in the summer

be soft like
the breeze through
a row of tall pines

all of those things
survive no matter what
happens to them

they endure because
they haven't built their
existence out of hard
materials

be soft with other people

don't break them
with your words
and don't let them
break you with theirs

be soft with yourself
your heart is
more marshmallow
than metal

your soul is wrapped
in the softest of fabrics
for a reason

the softer you become
the more you understand
how precious all life is

be more of cotton
than you are of concrete

~ love isn't cold granite
love is shapeless

love is like ocean water
gently passing through your toes

in a world where the hardness of diamonds
helps determine its worth

don't become one yourself

become so soft
that nothing can
break you

~ john roedel

Yup …. !
30/06/2023

Yup …. !

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