The Marriage Consult, Accra (2025)

09/04/2024

Dear Kojo Yankson,

It's unfortunate that marriage has not been beneficial to you. If you make the assertion that marriage is not beneficial to men, then you have not benefited from marriage. But I hold a different view, and I challenge your position and thoughts.

In 2021, you said, "My wife saved my life." What benefit can be greater than someone saving your life? So, marriage has been beneficial to you in many ways, especially for the men who got married. It does not take away from the fact that marriage is unique and people have unique problems in their marriage that many have not been able to resolve well.

Marriage is a blessing given to mankind (man and woman) by God (Proverbs 18:22). The purpose of marriage is to unite man and woman as a family and not for them to compete against each other (Genesis 2:24).

In marriage, man and woman are one, so what belongs to the man belongs to the woman, how then can you conclude that it benefits only one person? That is why you cannot divide your children, for they all need both a father and a mother.

You cannot compare marriage to singleness. There are many things a married man can do or possess that a single man cannot. For lack of time, I will list a few for you to ponder over.

1. A married man has a spouse to build a life with, share experiences with, and raise a family with. This brings a sense of fulfilment and companionship that's different from being single. (Genesis 2:18-25).

2. Marriage comes with legal benefits like inheritance rights, medical decision-making power for a spouse and tax advantages (depending on location).

3. Marriage is a commitment to work through challenges and build a future together. This teamwork can be a source of strength and stability.

4. Marriage is a socially recognized partnership. Married men might experience a different social standing compared to single men in some cultures.

Don't reduce marriage to owning property, having children, or providing financial security. Ultimately, marriage is a personal decision, and achieving a happy and healthy marriage requires work and effort from both partners. A lot of people are not benefiting from marriage because they are not willing to put in their best and work towards the success of the marriage.

In conclusion, "It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work and the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps. But if there’s no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night," Ecclesiastes 4:9–11 (MSG).

- Frank Edem Adofoli
Counselor, ADR Practitioner, Conference Speaker, Author
CEO, The Marriage Consult LTD.
T. +233201435300.

02/04/2024

THE SOCIETY, GBORBU WULOMO, AND HIS BETROTHED

The recent ceremony of the Nungua traditional priest, aged 63, and his betrothed, a 12-year-old girl, has raised lots of conversation about culture, law, religion, morality, etc. My write-up is to expose some of the issues we faced as society, which their ceremony has revealed.

Many families in Ghana and Africa do not really care about the personal development of women. People are raising women for marriage instead of their personal development, such as their career and profession.

Marriage is about relationships and family life; it is not the same as career and profession, so when we are busy raising women for marriage and men for career and profession, women turn to depend on men for their economic needs.

Men who feel they have economic power because of their career and profession feel they can acquire any woman they want because they have the means. A woman who does not have the means feels the only way she can meet her needs is to get into a relationship or marry.

And when she gets married, she is reduced to being the caretaker of the house and children. The husband does not see her as his equal partner. And when the relationship becomes abusive, she has no choice but to stay because if she leaves, she has no means to start. And when she is forced to leave, she fights for the children because she sees them as the only gain or proceeds from the relationship.

Women are in court fighting their men for the custody of children, not because they can take care of the kids, but because that is the only way the man can meet her needs, and she won't feel left out.

Families should not be raising women for marriage and family life. Rather, give her basic needs, such as a sense of belonging, love, and acceptance. Educate her, support her, and encourage her to develop her career and profession; then she can find the right partner when she is of age and knows what she wants.

If a 12-year-old girl is made to think of herself as a wife and provided for by her husband, she is made to play the role of a wife, except for s*xual needs. How can she have the mind to develop her career and profession after assuming such a role at such an early age?

Children become what they are told they are. Being called a wife at this age is what she grows to be. She is in school to become a better wife, not to develop a career or profession. Her career and profession are to be a wife. Her future is created by the role she is made to play today. She sees her children as her earnings from the marriage.

Whether this act is right culturally, religiously or by law, this is not what she needs. Personal development (career and profession) comes first before marriage and family life. Let’s prioritise the personal development of our children, especially girls.

In conclusion, "Teach children in a way that fits their needs, and even when they are old, they will not leave the right path" - Proverbs 22:6 (ERV).

- Frank Edem Adofoli
Counselor, ADR Practitioner, Conference Speaker, Author
CEO, The Marriage Consult LTD.
T. +233201435300.

01/04/2024

DON'T HOLD YOUR PARTNER'S PAST AGAINST THEM

Human development is a journey that goes through lots of transformations, such as habits, behaviours, experiences, etc. A person can start from a bad place or bad behaviour, but that does not mean they will end up as a bad person in life or in the future.

A person can start as poor on the street but end up as a wealthy person in the future. Some people can start their life journey as a thief but end up as an honest and faithful person.

The fact that you met someone as a thief does not mean that they will always be a thief and cannot change. That is why we need to be careful how we judge people by their past, by how we met them, or by where we meet them in life.

I say this because many people have let go of a good spouse or partner because of what their friends, family, or other people said about their past. The fact that your partner or spouse couldn't open up to you about how they started in life, the bad place they were, or things they did wrong does not mean they are hiding something from you or are bad people or have a bad motive for being with you.

Just as you won't be proud talking about the bad chapters of your life, so will your partner not be proud talking about theirs. So be careful of the advice people give you in connection with the past of your partner.

Many people from their past know a version of the person that does not exist anymore. Knowing that he was once a thief but is no longer, should not cause you to break up or become disappointed. The fact that she was once a pr******te but has changed since you met her should not cause you to leave her because someone from the past told you what she used to do.

Life does not give anyone the opportunity to undo the past, but it does give us the opportunity to live each day better and become a better version of ourselves. That is one reason for you to appreciate and value your partner more when you hear of their bad past, instead of becoming disappointed in them or calling off the relationship.

"Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do." - 1 Corinthians 13:5 (CEV).

- Frank Edem Adofoli
Counselor, ADR Practitioner, Conference Speaker, Author
CEO, The Marriage Consult LTD.
T. +233201435300.

25/03/2024

Dear Funny Face,
You are not only sick; you don’t care about your children like you portray. A caring father won’t abandon his children for more than four years (1,500 days). Fight their mother for not answering your calls regularly after four years when she has her own life to live. What happened to the money you raised so you could visit them?

No court will grant you custody of the children due to the behaviour you have shown so far. Ghanaians are tired of you using the children for public sympathy, and your unwillingness to seek help to become healthy. If you truly care for and value the children, you won't put yourself in a position to lose them.

People are talking about you today as your illness has endangered the lives of five people because you hit them with your car. A report suggested you were drunk and driving. We can only pray your illness does not leave those five people with permanent deformities. Something they did not pray or ask for.

Feeling good about being a father is not the same as taking responsibility. Which caring father who is sick won't seek medical help to become better for the children he cares about? How long will it take you to go to Kumasi to see the children you claim to care for?

Nobody is forcing you to go for your children’s mother, but tarnishing her image as a woman and insulting and disrespecting her only shows how immature you are. Which clean man will descend to the gutter to have s*x with a woman in the gutter? Fatherhood is not about s***m donation but rather being present in the child's life: nurturing, raising, guiding, caring for, supporting, and providing for the child.

Your children’s mother is not responsible for your mental and emotional breakdown. You are experiencing that as a result of your lack of emotional and mental maturity, your lack of responsibility, and your unhealthy ways of coping.

The truth might taste bitter or make you feel uncomfortable, but you need to know. Until you seek help to get better, you are a danger to yourself, your children, and the public at large. You cannot continue calling yourself "Children's President" if you cannot learn to be a good father to your own children.

Let this tough situation build you as a strong person, not turn you into a weak person. Wake up!

In conclusion, "Children are fortunate if they have a father who is honest and does what is right" - Proverbs 20:7 (GNT).

- Frank Edem Adofoli
A father, Counselor, ADR Practitioner, Conference Speaker, Author
CEO, The Marriage Consult LTD.
T. +233201435300.

15/03/2024

Yesterday's edition of Relationship Talk with Counselor Adofoli was affected by internet outages. I am sorry for the inconvenience caused. It has been rescheduled for Sunday, March 17th, 2024, at 8 p.m. GMT. Thank you

13/03/2024

Is Love and Money fighting in your relationship?

Are you and your partner on the same page financially? Join Counselor Adofoli for Relationship Talk on Facebook Live tomorrow, Thursday, March 14th at 8pm GMT as we discuss how to manage financial expectations in your relationship.

Don't miss out - set a reminder and tune in!

04/03/2024

ARE YOU READY TO EMBARK ON THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY OF MARRIAGE?

Before you say "I do," consider investing in the greatest gift you can give your future together: Pre-marital counselling!

Pre-marital counselling helps you:
* Uncover hidden strengths and areas for growth:
Explore your individual and shared values, communication styles, and expectations for a fulfilling marriage.

* Navigate challenging conversations:
Learn practical tools to address potential roadblocks and confidently navigate disagreements in a healthy and respectful manner.

* Build a rock-solid foundation:
Gain valuable insights and strategies for building trust, fostering intimacy, and creating a thriving partnership.

* Reduce the risk of future conflict:
Pre-marital counselling equips you with the skills and knowledge to navigate challenges effectively, setting the stage for a long-lasting and happy marriage.

I provide a safe and supportive space for open communication and exploration as an experienced and certified counsellor.

I also work with couples to create a personalised programme that addresses their unique needs and goals.

If you are ready to invest in your future happiness, contact me today to schedule a free consultation and learn more about how pre-marital counselling can benefit you!

Call or WhatsApp +233201435300. In-person and online are available.

08/02/2024

Insightful tips on how to make your partner stay in love with you.
Kindly watch and share with others.

Thank you

13/01/2024

Dear friends,
Kindly make a date with us on Onua 95.1 FM and Onua TV this morning from 7am to 8:30am this morning. The topic for discussion "Avoiding stress in January from work, kids schooling and finance"

Thank you

04/01/2024

DON'T LET THE PAST CONTROL YOU

No matter how painful the past was, you cannot undo it. All you have to do is heal from it. Therapy or counseling will help you talk about it and deal with your emotions.

You need to ask yourself what lesson you have learned from what you went through. When you are able to answer that question, let the answer be your focus instead of the hurt the person has caused you.

You need to grow from what you went through. Stop thinking of the people you loved and cared for who treated you badly. You only cause yourself a great deal of suffering by doing that.

You need peace within you, and you can achieve that by forgiving those who have hurt you. Don’t wait for the people who hurt you to apologize or show remorse before you forgive them. Do that for yourself; give your soul a gift of peace.

Focus on your personal development; waste no time on revenge or developing hatred for those who hurt you. Spend that time loving the people who love and appreciate you. Accept that you deserve better, and letting go of the past is the best thing to do.

In conclusion, "Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort." - Ephesians 4:31 (GNT).

- Frank Edem Adofoli (Counselor Adofoli)
Counselor, ADR Practitioner, Conference Speaker, Author
CEO, The Marriage Consult LTD.
T. +233201435300.

03/01/2024

YOU’RE RIGHT, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR PARTNER IS WRONG

One of the very things that kills beautiful relationships is a partner who shouts at their spouse—one who doesn't want them to speak out when there is an issue and feels they are right while their partner is wrong. These people feel that whatever their partner says is not important but only an excuse or justification for their wrongdoing or mistake.

Just because you think or believe you are right does not mean your partner is wrong. There are two sides to every issue, and there are two views to every argument. It is not fair to just conclude based on what you see from your side or your views.

Give your partner the chance to air their side, to express their frustration, and to tell you why they did what they did and why they acted in such a way. By so doing, you get the opportunity to learn about them. Get to know things you don't know about them.

But when you refuse to do that and shut them out, they feel there is no sense in being in the relationship. They feel like a child—someone who does not know right from wrong, a child who does not know what he or she is doing yet gets punished and is not allowed to cry. They will get sick.

Help your partner grow with you; make time for them; listen to them; and be patient with them. One of the attributes of love is patience. If you are not patient with your partner, it means you don't love them. Support their efforts. Let their happiness mean more to you than their faults.

In conclusion "Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge" - Proverbs 18:15 (NLT).

- Frank Edem Adofoli (Counselor Adofoli)
Counselor, ADR Practitioner, Conference Speaker, Author
CEO, The Marriage Consult LTD.
T. +233201435300.

02/01/2024

A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS MEANT TO BE

You are truly meant to be when, after the misunderstanding, argument, disagreement, or bad days, you cannot see yourself without your partner.

A relationship is meant to be one where both parties are willing to give their best to make the relationship work. Someone who believes love is what we make, not how someone makes me feel.

A partner who distances themselves when you have issues, blocks you, calls for a break, and shows a lack of interest is not someone who is meant to be with you. A partner who is not willing to resolve issues or look for professional assistance but insists on his or her own way is not someone you are meant to be with.

In conclusion, "Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Try always to be led along together by the Holy Spirit and so be at peace with one another" - Ephesians 4:2-3 (LTB).

- Frank Edem Adofoli (Counselor Adofoli)
Counselor, ADR Practitioner, Conference Speaker, Author
CEO, The Marriage Consult LTD.
T. +233201435300.

The Marriage Consult

09/04/2024

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