Virtual dr

24/10/2023

08/09/2023

Love child simply means a child between unmarried couples. Everyone beats his or her child whether with a cane or ruler. Even some do it with their hands or fingers. What I wrote doesn't mean I hurt or harm him. I sought advice from members here because I need it. The mom brought him to me after three years of being"away". She had a child for another man then decided to bring me mine. I wasn't even aware she was pregnant for me. I love kids. But I seem to get angry with him and sometimes cane him (Not something you will even call caning) but I feel bad. Maybe using the word "beat" was too heavy. I'm sorry.

My response

I came across your story yesterday but unfortunately I wasn’t able to reply, I hope you read this.
After reading your story what caught my eye was the fact that you have realized what you are doing isn’t right and you wanted to change it. Kudos
It one thing to REALIZE you are doing something and a step high to know it NOT RIGHT and a higher step to want to make it right.
I hope after my write up you would be able to fight your “de.mons” and treat the little one better.
Let’s dive deeper.
The first point I would talk about is
Difficulty Bonding or nurturing with the child; In your case, it is this because first of all you didn’t know about your child from conception until first few years of your child’s life. So you have this issue at the back of your mind ; why didn’t she tell me she was pregnant for me, why did she wait until now, should I trust her, it was good I left her ……the questions keep coming and coming and coming yet you don’t give your self the chance to answer them. The little one now becomes a reminder of all these. So you vent that anger on him. It more like he is an “award” from your past which irritates you and keeps reminding you of “those days”

Secondly; your personal view of having kids with different mothers. There are men who wish to have all their kids with one woman. Their reasons vary but the common one is because of the upbringing of the kids. If you have an issue with having kids with different women then this would anger you because he is from a different mom which defies your idea or plan of having all your kids with one woman.
Your financial status; this can be divided in two aspects, you aren’t financially okay yet, and there comes another responsibility which you were not even aware of from start. The second is, you know your financial strength so you have planned your family say to have 3 kids with some other plan which ensures you and your family are okay, but here comes another kid you didn’t know of, meaning it either you reduce the number of kids you want to have with your wife or adding your love kid could cause financial distress. So more like your plans have been disrupted
Our fourth point is if you had some sort of abuse as a child. Either from your parents or guardians. So your love kid is pressing on those pains by being there. You would ask why are you not like that with the other kids ? It because your wife is there for them, but for your love kid you have a sense of responsibility towards him since you are both his biological mother and father.
Fifth point; how does your wife relate to your love kid and how does she interact with him in your presence and abscence and what does she tell you about him. This is not to say she is a bad step mom. Being a step mom in of it self is huge. Cause society already has a mindset about step moms . So how is she coping and what is your relationship with her. If you as the husband is torturing her emotionally that anger can be vented on your love kid and you would get more complains about him which in turn would make you angry and you vent it out on him

The list goes on and on
But let me stop here so we can look at what you can do to solve this
What ever your reason for your anger towards him strive hard to stop your self from raising your hand. This can be the most difficult part of trying to be a better parent especially if that what was done to you or you have been doing that. I am a parent too and I do loose my cool, in my journey to being a better parent there were days I would raise my hand and ready to strike then I caution myself. In that instant you see my hand 🤚 in the air. I slowly bring down my hand. If at that moment the anger is to much to handle I literally tell the child to go out or I go to the washroom.
Then I think about the whole situation. I start by telling myself calm down calm down. You liters see me talking to myself. Then I begin processing. What did the child do? Why did the child do it? What is the impact of the child’s action. Did what he or she do affect or harm any other person or a sibling or did it cause me financial loss.
How would the action affect this child in the long run. How do I stay calm and handle this maturely . How do I make the child understand what he or she has done and how do I let them see the impact.

Example; your child breaks a jar you just bought and you cherish . And it wasn’t a mistake it was intentional. A mistake is when the child was running or playing and hits it.
Intentional is when the child picks the jar and throws it knowing it would break.
This can be very annoying. Your response is going to mean a lot. First of all if the child is old enough to help in picking the pieces without hurting themselves involve them while you supervise.
Get the other kids out of the scene and by doing that you are reinforcing to the child that what he did was wrong so at that moment your attention is shifted to the others. So his brain would feel left out.
If you react , In a way the brain has felt your presence. Then call the kid who did it to clean up while you supervise. If they are too small to pick, do it in their presence. While they stand and watch you. After explain to them why what they did was wrong then you give your APPROPRIATE “punish.ment” this can be you take away the child’s favorite thing. This can be their tablet, or cartoons for a while. The bigger the “crime” the longer the punishment . But don’t over do this. If you over do it , the essence of what you are teaching would be lost.
But know that your first response matters the most.
The mistake we do is we tend to be shouting while telling the child the effect of what they have done. In that yelling moment the part of the brain that controls their reasoning is shut cause the shouting and yelling is more of fear. After which you descend on the child with beating. The child is more afraid of the beating than the effect of their actions. So you realize in your presence they behave well but once you are not there then hell breaks loose. This is why we say when they were kids they were not like that ooo but now I don’t know why.
The typing is already long and I hope you read to the end.
You can follow my page for more

25/08/2023

Good morning Fellow Grandmothers, Aunties and Mothers, I need your help to raise my 13year old girl better. I am a mother of 5kids. My fourth is 13years in JHS 2. She is different from all the kids and the slimmest but very tall. She can fight everyone, speak her mind to young and old, command the hold school of over 600 kids to follow her instructions and even petition her authorities. I have been called to her school several times on different occasions. At times she will refuse to pay classes fees and demand that teachers should bring a letter as a proof or report to the municipal directors. She is very intelligent but not calm. She fights ike a lioness until blood flows. She writes everything in her diary and will refer you at the least provocation. This girl is has telephone numbers of lawyers and judges across the country and always seeking justification of issues. Infact I need guidelines to raise her properly. We have fasted, prayed, counselled her but she will only tell you " mummy eat and sleep wai, you have now given birth...
I need help

Dear mummy, I don’t see a disrespectful child here, I see a girl with attributes that wasn’t trained or tamed.
First of all well done as a mom. No one could have raised your kids better than yourself.
I believe a mother is a different mother to all her kids. You are not the same mom you are to your first child as you are to your second child.
Why?
Because they have different personalities which would affect and poke your own childhood.
How you react in the heat of the moment is what defines the situation
Once I was consulted on a child who liked talking, but would be very confused when you shout. But once you explain calmly, that child becomes the most intelligent.
My advice to the mom was, if she doesn’t stop shouting at the child, she the mom would destroy the child’s self esteem and the child’s intelligence but if she the mom calms and controls the situation she would raise a very responsible and respectable child.
What am trying to say here is, your approach to her personality can either make her more wild or tame her.
What was your relationship with the older ones when she was born? That the first question
If you were kinda strict to the elders and she being a baby you were soft (which should be obvious ) then her tiny brain would start to pick up info. Some of which can be I have to rebel to get my way.
My siblings are calm they don’t get their way
It could start as when she was a child, when she requested for something she would cry or throw tantrum till she gets it. And it worked
So that gets registered in her brain. However this might not be the narrative
Science has it that nature and nurture work hand in hand
She may have been born with these qualities but society shaped it which start from the home.
Now to the issue; who does she trust the most. Or who is she close to. Let her explain her points. Why does she think the teacher needs to explain himself before she pays for classes
First of all why is the teacher taking extra classes. May be because the term is short and they have a lot to cover so it a way to make up for it
So why is he charging for it
Is the government not paying him?
Yes the government does, but the government only pays him to teach up until 3pm , the rest of the day belongs to him
He decides what he does with it
He can go home and teach others or do any other work and get paid or even watch tv
That time is his
So if he decides to take classes that means they have to pay for his time unless the teacher states otherwise
If she doesn’t want to be in his class that ok
She should not pay, but she would have to go home and learn and make up for what she is loosing from missing those extra class.
And if she fails to do so, then not only is she going to fail her exams but also fail to know what that topic is about.
When dealing with children you need to lay the consequences for them
Not all consequences should end with I would beat you
You give your child food, and they start sprinkling the food around . That bad. Explain to them sprinkling the food not only mean wastage but it would as well dirty the room and create more work.
The consequence here is the food would be taken away from the child. And they would have to do the clean up.
And explain if you are full you can save the food for later
For some kids this would work, but for some it won’t. If it won’t , replace the consequences by taking away a favorite thing. If they are doing that so they can play games, then you let them know if you do that you won’t get the game for this time frame.
Another thing that really helps is your tone and composure; when the child is wrong , look them directly in the eyes and speak with a firm but calm tone. Don’t beat about the bush. Don’t start comparing (your bro won’t do this ), don’t start shaming, don’t start insulting.
Just go straight. You did this and that, this is the consequences, this is why you shouldn’t do this and this is the alternative. At that moment if there needs to be punishment make sure it an appropriate one.
I have said much. Visit my page for more of these
Virtual dr

29/07/2023

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We also have laundry liquid soap for your washing machine. The powdered detergents leaves residue, but with Fi’s laundry soap, you’ve got nothing to worry about.

Our dish wash has vitamin E, glycerin and freshly squeezed lemon juice to protect your skin.
Prices and packages in the comment section.

I would be in the comment section for any question.
Location; Ablekuma
0243282326 (call and WhatsApp)
Thank you 😊

25/07/2023

Yesterday in the ward, it was the turn of a lady for consultation. During consultation she kept taking her bag 💼 straight to her mouth. Initially I thought she was sipping something, then I realized she was actually spitting in the bottle. The bottle was that of those carbonated drinks.
So many thoughts came rushing in my mind.
1. Where is she going to throw away this bottle?
2. Before throwing it away would she discard the content the proper way or just spill it in the open which can be very dangerous
3. Who would come across this bottle ? A child who would pick it and put it in the mouth or someone would pick and just rinse and pour something in it?
4. What if it sold to our oil vendors? Would they take the time to thoroughly wash it?
The thoughts just kept running. I feel so scared to buy something outside which comes with a second hand bottle as a container like our palm oil.
What if all our vendors decide to go in for new bottles from the recycling companies?
Well that a good idea, but you know what? Too many plastics are as well destroying our environment leaving the unborn generation in danger
Maybe if we collectively come together to find a solution am very sure we would find a way out.
Like the use of banana trees for door mats.
Am sure there is someone somewhere with an amazing idea on how we can go about all these plastic issue. All we need is us as one ☝️.
Well for now my advice is, if you going out to buy something where a second hand bottle would be used as a container, maybe you should go with your own container and ask that yours be poured directly from the barrel into your container
There are so many out there that have contracted deadly diseases they know nothing about.
Believe it or not, in the hospitals some even p*e in some of these containers, while some vomit others spit. At the end of the day, all the containers are swept out at the mercy of those who collect them and make money .
Look I understand you and I can’t control everything, but hey if you have a say over something make sure you do.
Until I write to you again, do stay safe and don’t forget to love yourself.

24/07/2023

Just scrolling through Facebook seems like am reading unending marriage woes. Unfortunately women are the ones complaining.
From the posts I have read so far, most women are scared of three things if they should leave their “abusive marriages”
1. What would happen to the children?
2. Would I be able to get married again?
3. Financial Independence

Being in an abusive marriage would disturb your children’s mental balance more than being a single parent. What is the use of being with a man who isn’t there for you and your children either emotionally or physically. It not just about having a “father”. Being a parent goes way beyond the title. If leaving an abusive marriage would make you love yourself better and treat yourself well you would definitely do well with the kids. Your partner can still be a parent without being with you. Sometimes you don’t necessarily need a divorce, you need a break.
Choose your battle wisely, know when you have to leave. Just as it important to leave when the need arises, make sure you have valid reasons to leave.

2. Secondly the fear of who would marry you again. I think we see marriage as a do or die affair. It isn’t bad to think about marriage again after a bad experience but make sure before taking such a bold step you have actually healed from your past trauma. Love yourself. In our bid to be selfless to show we love our loved ones we tend to loose and neglect ourselves. The point is you pour and pour into their cup expecting them to pour back into your cup, but that doesn’t happen. So you are left dejected 😞. After any traumatic experience, if you don’t heal well you are most likely to carry the trauma to the next. And that would hurt your relationship. Let’s say you were cheated on and finally you left. If you don’t heal from that you may carry suspicions into your next relationship and that could hurt it. Like I always say, love your self first then you would be able to distribute love in the proper way. There is a huge difference between loving yourself and being selfish. Giving yourself a treat after a general cleaning to appreciate what you have done goes a very long way and that is not being selfish. Don’t wait for someone to appreciate you, learn to appreciate yourself.

Thirdly is financial independence. This is one of the major reasons why women stay despite all the woes. The fear of what would I feed myself and my children. If not for anything, but for yourself get a skill. You don’t need to go to tertiary to have a job. Learn a skill and make it a business. If you have a responsible husband that great. But do it on the side to keep some coins for yourself . Financial Independence dieee 3y333 paaa. If your man won’t allow you to go out and work, make sure you have every reason to stay at home and while you are at it, there are so many things you can do online. Do your research and see what you can do from the comfort of your home.

To our men, you might fall out of love with your woman, but communication and how you go about it tells how matured you are.

Enough of being a narcissist. How would you feel if your daughter was treated how you treat your wife? Unfortunately, whatever you make your wife go through in the presence of your children, you teaching your daughter it ok for her husband to treat her like that and you are telling your son this is how to treat a woman.

I may not have exhausted my points very well, I love to write lengthy articles. If you on my page, you would attest to it. Virtual dr
Thank you 😊

I would write it better some other time.

12/07/2023

Treatment and prevention of candidiasis

Yesterday we looked at reasons why we keep getting Candidiasis. On today’s episode let’s talk about how to treat and prevent it.
As most of you would observe, i don’t prescribe medication on my page.
But these are the few things you can do
When given medication, please check if it is antibiotics or anti fungal . Mostly we get recommendations from friends and loved ones. I used this and it worked for me, you should try it too. What we miss is that even though the symptoms might be similar the conditions are very different. So if this medication worked for your sister doesn’t mean it would work same with you
Nevertheless if you buy the medication, type the name in google. It would give you some information. Also most medication have a leaflet in them. You don’t have to read everything if you don’t want to, what’s important is to know what class of drug you are taking, then move on to read the side effects and adverse effect and also read what the medication can interact with.
There are some medication you don’t take with milk and there are others you don’t take with other medications.
Once you read those key points you would know it all.
Our next point is probiotic yoghurt. In my article yesterday I spoke about how probiotic helps with candidiasis. Probiotic is filled with good bacteria that are very good for our overall well being. If you get the 💯 pure probiotic yoghurt, it might taste a bit sour but if you can take it without sugar that a win win situation. I have actually heard of women who insert probiotic yoghurt into the v@g!na to treat candidiasis. In as much as their logic might make sense in that the probiotic contains lacto bacilli to help fight the Candida albicans it still not advisable to put something like yoghurt there. If you prefer to insert something there to treat your candida, it better to get the right medication that is inserted there. We have pessaries purposely for treating candida. But taking probiotic yoghurt orally helps you fight candidiasis a lot. Also it has other benefits.
You can as well be taking it as a snack. You can take it everyday once it has little to no sugar.
But please note that there is a difference between frozen yoghurt and probiotic yoghurt.

We would end today’s episode here. Until we meet again. Do stay safe and don’t forget to share.

11/07/2023

Candidiasis. The 3 reason why it keeps coming back.
Every woman would suffer this at least once in her lifetime
What causes this and how it occurs is where the issue is.
Candida is caused by a fungi. Remember in jhs we learnt kingdom animalia, kingdom plantae etc etc
Fungi are also living organisms. The green green thing that comes on bread is from that group, the mushroom we eat is from that group.
Some of them we can see with our eyes some we can’t .
Among the ones we can’t see is the one that causes women candidiasis. They live with us on our skin, in our mouth and in the va**na.
But they live there peacefully and yes men too have some on their skin and mouth as well.
The problem is not because they live with us, the problem is how we influence their living.
Even though they live with us, their number is being controlled by us without our knowledge.
How does this occur?
Let’s say the Candida albicans (the fungi that causes candidiasis) is supposed to be 50.
Your immune system, your diet, hygiene, the environment surrounding the va**na etc can either make them more than this 50 or less or within that 50.
The point is when they become more than the number they are supposed to be then that when you have white or candidiasis .
Let’s break it down
Immune system; these are the soldier’s of our body. They fight diseases for us. When the immune system realizes that the Candida albicans (fungi causing candidiasis) is becoming more than the number they should be, it keeps them under control and fights it. So a day or two you have some itching and it goes away. It probably because your immune system has won the battle. Certain diseases can reduce the strength of your immune system like HIV AIDS, Diabetes etc.
People with uncontrolled diabetes or AIDS can have very severe candidiasis.
But the immune system can’t win the battle alone, it needs other supporters. And that takes us to our next supporter ; diet.
- [ ] Diet; growing up you would hear our parents say don’t take too much sweets if not you would get din din (my Hausa readers would understand) . I can’t remember how it was said in twi. Your diet plays a major role here as well. Infact your diet influences your immune system. So if take in a well balanced meal you are most likely going to have a strong immune system. ( balanced diet isn’t plenty meat or fish. That a topic for another day). If your diet has a lot of sugar, you may have sugar (glucose) in your blood for a longer period of time. The fungi which is the Candida albicans would now feed on the sugar and over grow. Causing you to have candidiasis. This is why women with uncontrolled diabetes can have severe candidiasis. First because the diabetes has weakened their immune system and secondly because they have sugar (glucose) running through their blood which feeds the fungi. Please note that when it comes to sugar, every humans body reacts to it differently. Not even twins would have their body controlling their blood sugar the same. Also sugar doesn’t also mean only the white sugar. When we start talking about diabetes we would talk more on this.
- [ ] Hygiene ; hygiene plays a huge role when it comes to Candidiasis. The Candida albicans can stay in the towels, panties, underwear and basically anything that touches your v@g!na . So if these things are not properly handled the Candida gets the chance to over grow in them and in turn causes you Candida. This is why if madam A has candidiasis and she uses the toilet, then you come after her and use the toilet you can get candidiasis because by sitting on the toilet some of madam A’s Candida would be left on the toilet and you who came after her would pick it up. The same happens with towels and panties. If you share your panties or any of these things your tendency of getting Candida is very very high. That brings us to another stage. Pad; whether you use pad or diaper or clothe etc. If you leave it there for too long you are bound to have Candida. You see the pad, plus the panty or underwear etc creates heat. I mean the place does not even get enough air already plus all these things. Also some of the diapers and pads have rubber under them which further creates heat. And these Candida albicans love heat and moist at the same time. It helps them grow well. That why if there is an old table outside in the rain, after a while you see something growing under in the corner like mushrooms. The rain makes the wood of the table moist and later the sun creates the heat they need to grow there. So the blood or drops of urine is actually providing the moist it needs and in this case they are already there, they just need the right condition suitable for them to over grow and cause you to get white .
- [ ] Now to the last but not least is lacto bacilli 🦠. This is a bacteria that lives in places you find the Candida albicans in the body. So they are also in the v@g!na but they are good(yes we have good bacteria and bad bacteria) They produce an acid that helps check the fungi. This is why when you battle candidiasis for very long doctors tell you to take yoghurt. But you have to note that not every yoghurt can help rebuild your lacto bacilli. Unsweetened probiotic yogurt is your best bet when it comes to treating candidiasis through yoghurt. Another point is medication. Most people take antibiotics for candidiasis. Candidiasis is not caused by a bacteria so anti biotic won’t help you. It causes more harm than good. Anti biotic kills both the good and the bad bacteria and one of the good bacteria you need to treat your Candida is lacto bacilli and now you are killing it. Sometimes the anti biotic may not necessarily be for the Candida, may be you had a throat infection and you were given antibiotic, but after the infection is gone now you have candidiasis. It because the antibiotic killed both the good and bad bacteria. Some doctors would advice you to take probiotic yoghurt when taking any antibiotic.
- [ ] We would end todays lesson here. Tomorrow we would look at how to avoid and treat candidiasis. Don’t forget to follow my page for more. And you can get the best probiotic from Fi’s yogo .
- [ ] Until we meet again tomorrow, do stay safe and take care

24/06/2023

Good day mums. Please my son's bones are very weak. Especially when he sleeps and you hold him you will think something had happened to him but no. He's very active and walked at 1 year three months. He's two years now but still walks like someone who just started walking. His body is very soft and people fear to carry him because they think they might break him. I'm so scared especially when I wake up from sleep and try to hold him, as if there's no life in the bones but God forbids it. He looks healthy though.
Please mummies help me on what to and how to handle him properly. I'm a first time mum please .

The issue could be coming from his diet. He isn’t getting enough nutrients to support his growth.
Kids are not fully developed from the womb even when born at 9months especially the brain. The first 2 to 3 years are super critical in helping the brain and other parts of the body. In the first year they’d get that most of their nutritional needs from breastmilk, subsequent years depends on the food we feed them. Unfortunately some of us as parent run into issues where our little ones would only eat with a wrestle.
Tell you what, it somehow related to how we started solids with them after the breastfeeding.
Baby has been on breastmilk for early part of it years, now when it time for solids, we expect when we put the food they accept.
Yes some kids would accept but not all.
You leave your home country to a different country with different food and culture, it would definitely take you some time to settle in and get use to their food. So the first line of action is patience. You have to be very patient.
There is an article on how to start solids and help your baby like food on my page.
Now let’s see what you can do
Start it all over, like you are starting solids. Don’t concentrate on the banku and others. Concentrate on foods that is done with simple ingredients.
Start with koko , or mashed Kenkey blended with groundnuts. Then you can buy the cowbell milk powder and add. Don’t start giving him too much at a time to overwhelm him. Just a little. Then get his favorite biscuit. When he finishes it, he gets biscuits.
So withdraw all kinds of biscuits, ice creams or toffees he takes and make that as a reward. If he takes the food he gets the biscuit.
Another thing that helped me was feeding bottle
I would pour it in the feeding bottle and give it to the child
They like being independent, so by giving them the bottle you are telling them they can do it
So while running around and playing before I see it finished.
If you promise biscuit make sure you give, else they won’t take you serious
Now moving on, when you are eating yourself wash their hands and let them u join you. You can put the food on the floor and get them to sit like they are eating as well. While you are eating play with them, don’t let them feel you are going to feeding them, when they engulfed in the play you put a morsel in the mouth, because of the play they won’t realize what happened and before you know eat a few morsels have gone down.
Another trick is, get them to hold the spoon while you hold the tip on the spoon, then you both scoop the food together and put it in his mouth. I usually use the table spoon for that, it makes them feel big.
Head over to my page for women and mom health education
Virtual dr