Lisa Gallagher Counselling and Psychotherapy (2025)

22/03/2025

Here are the first 4 of 29 pages in the Self Compassion and Healing Journal. Someone wrote to me today and said that self compassion is a real game changer for them and honestly me too, it is what I always come back to with my clients and with myself. I wrote this mainly for myself to use so I’m sharing a few pages here for free for whoever needs it. Also, if you bought this and you didn’t get this version please message me and I will send it on. Link is in my bio if you want to buy the fully version.

19/09/2023

You deserve to be surrounded by those who accept, uplift and appreciate you. 💖✨

16/09/2023

🌙Sleep Procrastination 🌙

Sleep procrastination, or revenge bedtime, occurs when individuals stay up late to reclaim personal time, after overly structured or unproductive days, often sacrificing sleep. It's driven by a desire for control and can be linked to emotional regulation challenges as I mentioned in previous posts.

Tips:
- Incentivize mornings with enjoyable activities. You don't always have to 'eat the frog' first thing in the morning. Thinking you have to do the hardest thing first sometimes stops us taking the first step. Instead, consider incentivizing your mornings with things you enjoy, like an online class, a walk or reading a book. Our brains are wired to respond quicker to immediate rewards over long term.
- Associate your bedroom with rest, not avoidance. Prioritize an earlier time to move towards your bedroom (see how I didn’t say bed, we have to be crafty with our crafty brains sometimes and associate our beds with primarily sleep).
- Ensure that you are mentally and physically tired enough; if not, add in activities that challenge & tire you out..
- For those with neurodevelopmental conditions like ADHD, sleep is even more crucial, so seek appropriate intervention.
- While practicing sleep hygiene is an important step, reflect on what you might be avoiding through this behaviour. For significant challenges, like big conversations or work issues, talking to a loved one or a trained therapist who could provide additional support. We all can use a bit more support sometimes. ❤️😴

15/08/2023

💕 The Importance of Relationships 💕

🌟 Relationships are the heart and soul of our lives. They provide us with a sense of belonging, love, and support. But have you ever wondered why we need relationships?🌟

1. Connection and Belonging:
Humans are wired to connect with others. Relationships create a sense of belonging and help us feel seen, heard, and understood. They offer us a safe space to express ourselves, and be accepted for who we are. Research shows that having strong social connections enhances our mental health and overall life satisfaction. One notable study is the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been ongoing for over 80 years. This study has consistently found that the quality of our relationships is the single most important factor in determining our long-term health and happiness.

2. Emotional Support and Validation:
Quality relationships provide emotional support during challenging times. Having someone to lean on and share our struggles helps us cope with stress, anxiety, and life's challenges.

3. Personal Growth and Development:
Relationships offer opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery. They serve as mirrors, reflecting our strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots. By connecting with others, we gain insights into ourselves, acquire new perspectives, and learn valuable lessons.

4. Shared Experiences and Memories:
Relationships enrich our lives by providing shared experiences and special memories. Whether it's celebrating milestones, creating traditions, or enjoying everyday moments together, these shared experiences foster a sense of joy and connectedness.

5. Building Resilience and Well-being:
Having nurturing relationships increases our resilience, making it easier to navigate life's challenges. Supportive relationships can buffer stress, help us manage emotions, and offer practical support when needed. Research has found that people with strong social connections tend to have lower rates of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

📚 For further exploration on relationships, consider reading books like "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller or "Hold Me Tight” Sue Johnson 💗

25/03/2023

Recently, I heard this statement from a loved one; ‘You are not a burden.'

This is something that I regularly hear myself say to clients in the therapy room and often work with them to help them see this truth. I was caught off guard to hear this reflected back. I became aware that I had been feeling some uncertainty, insecurity and self doubt. These all have roots of fear. Fear is a driving force that actually cuts off authenticity and intimacy with oneself and others. Our feelings often guide us and it isn't rational. A current core belief and relational growing edge that I hold is that, if I can mute myself and my feelings, people will stay.

Firstly, I practiced creating safety in my body, through regulation, grounding and self soothing to begin to notice what was coming up. Then through self awareness, support from loved ones and my personal therapist, I worked to catch myself apologizing for taking up space. When we do this, we are teaching others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. If you constantly apologise for having feelings (or even just existing), resist setting boundaries and minimize your experiences and your full authentic self you are demonstrating to others that you are not worthy of taking up space. The truth is, we are more than enough and deserve unconditional love, understanding and support.

Studies have demonstrated the beneficial effects self-compassion, which entails treating oneself with kindness, comprehension, and support, can have on the brain and general well-being. It can stimulate the reward centre of the brain, causing the release of feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and endorphins.

It is essential that we express our needs in a conscientious manner in order to ensure we have the best opportunity to be heard. I want to emphasise that, as with most things, there is a balance. Strong relationships are built on compromise and consideration, which in turn improves our wellbeing. But it's acceptable to prioritise yourself from time to time. People who love you and with enough emotional maturity will fully understand.

03/03/2023

Love is our natural state of being. It isn’t something we need to seek out, it is essentially who we are. When we are not moving in love it’s more than likely that built barriers within ourselves against it. The risk of rejection comes with love. It necessitates being intimately present and being willing to be seen, both of which make us feel exposed. So we build up defenses to protect us. We must learn to embrace those barriers, with understanding, patience and compassion.

Self reflection question: Is there a way you could be more understanding, trusting, patient and compassionate towards yourself?

14/10/2022

The shadow is the collection of unsavory aspects of our identity, formed via the systems we inhabit, the norms we abide or evade, the relationships we form and experiences we have lived. The shadow part, often challenges our view of ourselves, i.e. the ego. It is rooted in shame & we would go to any length to resist it being revealed.

It is buried deep in our subconscious , driving our daily actions & impulses. Our projections & our defenses often expose us. It is the critical voice or judgmental part that tends to pop up. Jung states we may find it hard to identify as we distance ourselves from parts that are dangerous.

I recently started to notice I was quick to recognise other’s shadow parts. Often, I was on my high horse judging them. I wouldn’t always express it verbally but I impulsively thought of the ways in which others in my life could improve or navigate their challenges differently. This is what Jung defines as projection. Our conscious mind wants to avoid our own flaws so we magnify them in the bodies of others so that we can still deal with them. This devises a way to protect me from the consequences and the harsh reality of my own shadow.

Once we become aware of this part and we can give ourselves permission to allow what is present to come to the surface, we can get a clearer, more objective picture. In return, we will allow ourselves to stand in our truth, understand these impulses and drives, and meet ourselves more compassionately.

Reflective Questions to draw out the shadow:
1. Do you often find yourself ‘the victim’ of a series of unfortunate events?
2. When you feel envious of another’s circumstances, what do you feel you lack?
3. Do you find yourself quick to judge others?
4. How do you treat people in ‘lower status’ positions?
5. Do you have a tendency to lose your temper?
6. What unacknowledged biases or prejudice might you hold that inform your assumptions?
7. How do you speak about yourself to others?
8. Do you believe you are meant to ‘save’ others?
9. If you find yourself in a position of giving advice, why do you feel like you have authority to give it?
10. How comfortable are you with admitting when you are wrong?

17/08/2022

What is motivating your next choice: fear or love?

Unconsciously, fear controls many of our choices and decisions. When I was speaking with a friend recently she used the analogy of the dinner guest. She asked me, who are you inviting to sit at the table? If not love, fear is patiently waiting to fill it’s place.

Love is accepting, it is free, trusting, patient, reciprocal and honest. Love requires us to simply be, exactly as we are. Love keeps ourselves and others safe and helps us teach others how to treat us.

“Love is not something you produce, love is not something that you have; love is something that has you. You do not have the wind the stars and the rain. You don’t possess these things; you surrender to them. And surrender occurs when you are aware of your illusions, when you are aware of your addictions, when you are aware of your desires and fears.” -Anthony de Mello

Fear is a negative, short lasting, high alert emotion in response to perceived threat. Social pain and physical pain are measured in the same part of our brains and the potential exposure to either type of pain drives fear. Fear is about doing. The Stoic philosophers thought it was irrational to fear what we cannot control. They believed there is nothing to be gained from fearing what we can do nothing about; we emotionally harm ourselves, but gain nothing.

However, there is data in all emotions. Fear can signal us to act, or resist the impulse to act. It can help us make protective choices. We can befriend our fear and understand why it is showing up and enquire about what it is sharing with us. In a society where perfectionism, people pleasing and productivity are used as shields to protect our fragile egos, it takes courage to show up with love and embrace the unknown. It takes discipline and self awareness to sense out the balance between these two opposing forces.

We all have a powerful choice, regardless of our external situation, we have the subjective capacity to choose our response.

What are you choosing today, fear or love?

Finish the sentence:

1. When I think of love, I think of…

2. When I think of fear, I think of…

09/08/2022

✨
Other people’s behaviour is often a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves.

Human beings have the capacity to sometimes behave terribly. “Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete” - Victor Frankl. This can be challenging and a hard pill to swallow. It may be automatic to just react to maltreatment, in an internal or external manner... as the energy has to go somewhere.

When we reflect on our reaction to other people’s behaviour, we can examine; do I personalise it? Feel victimised by it? Do I project it onto others? Or possibly, do I even define myself by it?

We must also check in with how regulated do we feel in our own nervous system and how can we attend to that first before attending to this other person’s poor choices.

There is next to nothing I can do to control another person but what I can control is my own actions, responses and thoughts. We choose what to do about it. We can choose to judge them as bad or we can choose to view them as adult-children that are wounded and suffering and their behaviour as a symptom. We can also start to see them as our educators; teaching us how to practice boundaries, learn how to respond, instead of react and how to cultivate compassion, forgiveness and the practice kindness.

This is not a simple journey but it is a path to decreasing some unnecessary suffering in our daily lives. We must stop giving our power away to something that has no reflection of our worth. Awareness, boundaries and the practice of self-love are vital tools on this path.

* I would like to highlight that understanding another person’s poor behaviour choices is one part of the work but is not the end goal. Discrimination, trauma or abuse of any kind should not be tolerated and we should not have to quieten our voice in the attempt to understand the perpetrator(s). Please contact a professional to get support if you have been affected by abuse in any way!

02/08/2022

There’s a sunrise and sunset everyday. It’s up to you to choose to be there for it. You can put yourself in the way of beauty!

~ Cheryl Strayed

31/07/2022

Welcome the depth of you, to give you the freedom to see where you are, how far you have come and how much further you have yet to go. 💫

24/06/2022

Wounded Inner Child
✨
Hiding pain doesn’t allow for healing. Childhood wounds can create adults who never had a chance to fully be a true child. A lack of stability and safety in childhood can result in an inner child stuck in a hyper vigilant and scared state. Physical, emotional, and psychological neglect are often the main culprits of these wounds. They may show up as distress in adult relationships, addictions, physical illness, low self-esteem and an inability to meet our own needs. This wounded inner child will influence all that we do.

I appreciate that all this can sound a bit ‘woo woo’ and I, too, was a bit apprehensive when first engaging with this work. I felt on a deeper level that there might be something there and I was willing to just peak through the curtains. I knew the painful experiences in my past had not been processed and I didn’t fully understand their impact. I was introduced to the book Homecoming by John Bradshaw (a book I would highly recommend). I then followed it up with the work of Carl Jung, who was the originator of this idea of the divine child archetype. Archetypes are the manifestations of the collective unconscious. This inner child subpersonality is an innate driver of our behaviours and influences our mind. By recognising these wounds that the inner child carries and by compassionately working with this inner child to teach them new patterns of behavior, the adult becomes free from the impulse to act upon the whims of the unruly, subconscious child

Tips for initial reconnection:

Find a picture of your younger self
Look into your own eyes
Think about this child, who they were and who they wanted to be

Journal about your experience when sitting with or meditating on you inner child, put down anything that comes up

Write down or cut out images in newspapers or magazines that represent their dreams and hopes and consider how they would respond to you if they were with you in this moment

Write a letter using your non-dominant hand from your inner child

Lisa Gallagher Counselling and Psychotherapy

22/03/2025

19/09/2023

16/09/2023

15/08/2023

25/03/2023

03/03/2023

14/10/2022

17/08/2022

09/08/2022

02/08/2022

31/07/2022

24/06/2022

Address

Website

Alerts

Contact The Practice

Shortcuts

Share