21/08/2025
Part 2 of Ashlings story!
No. 78
Part 2 of 3
"Life moved on and I thought I was coping okay. Then, about two years ago, on a night out, I was offered a line of co***ne and I stupidly took it. Over the years, I had been very strict about co***ne, I wouldn’t take it and I wouldn’t let anyone into my house who had it. But being an addict, it quickly got a grip on me and things spiralled fast. By the next week, I was buying it for myself. Within a couple of months I went from doing a bag a week to nine bags a week.
My head was wired with paranoia, but I convinced myself nobody noticed. I didn’t use it when I went out at night, I just used during the day. I would wake up in the morning and take a line just to function. It wasn't long before I was in a really bad place.
By Christmas, I had lost my house. The landlord evicted me and my children. I can’t blame him, the drugs and the people I was bringing into the house weren’t right. I became homeless for the next six months with my two youngest children. My oldest was in Dublin, my middle daughter had to move in with her Dad.
I was trying desperately to find a house and to keep my children in school. I stayed for a while in my ex-husband’s cousin’s house, she gave me a room. Then I stayed in my uncle’s mobile home for two weeks. Every day, I would ring the hub looking for somewhere to stay, but they were always full, there was nowhere for me to go.
I remember standing under a bridge in Carlingford one day, drenched from the rain, screaming and crying. My seven-year-old daughter was telling me it was okay and all I could think was, where are we going to stay tonight? During all of this, I turned to co***ne even more, trying to escape from the harsh reality of normal life. In my mind, I thought it was helping me cope, but in hindsight, it was the very reason I was in this mess.
Eventually, on the 17th of November 2023, I was told we got a house on the Castletown Road. I was given a chance, a chance that should have marked a turning point, a fresh start. But it didn’t. It got worse than ever.
Because of my addiction, my children went through an unimaginable amount of pain and because of my drug use they were eventually taken from me.
I was angry at everyone and spiralled completely out of control. When the authorities asked if I was taking drugs, I lied. The co***ne had me convinced I was some kind of superwoman. I thought if they tested me, nothing would show up. I even demanded a drug test to prove them wrong. When the test came back, it was devastating. The average level should have been 0.05 grams, my test was showing 16 grams. Co***ne had turned me into a monster.
When I couldn't get my children back, I hit rock bottom. I went home to an empty house, looking around at all the damage I had caused. I had lost everything and had nobody. Everyone had given up on me and rightly so.
It was then that I picked up the phone and called Turas and that was the best decision I have ever made in my life."
Ashling McGowan