Candidly

27/09/2022

My first book with Penguin India, Unparenting- Sharing Awkward Truths with Curious Kids is out now on Amazon. It is a collection of personal non fiction essays based on my experiences as an abuse survivor, single mother, sexuality educator and counsellor.

The book follows my journey with my son from adolescence to teenage as we explore issues like puberty, porn,sex education, dating, bullying, relationships etc. in easy, warm conversations.

It also covers more sombre topics like discussing relationships, divorce and death with children in a non scary manner. I hope it will be a useful resource for parents, people who want to be parents, teachers and anyone who cares for children. Please consider buying it.

And if you like it, please share it with folks you think might benefit.

This is my labour of love and loved experience.

Here’s the link- https://www.amazon.in/dp/0143447769

16/02/2022

When I began designing Mad Heart, Be Brave, one of the thoughts in my head went like, “ How will you lead anyone into self forgiveness when you self criticise all the time?”

I paused and recognised an old story talking again- that we have to be some sort of ‘experts’ before sharing a program with anyone. I reminded myself that life itself in all its myriad colours is learning enough. And what happens in a workshop is not about what I can do alone, but about what everyone brings to that space.

And how lucky I have been this time. Each participant left with something uniquely their own. For one it was a feeling of shared experience and safety, for another a powerful unearthing of old experiences that shaped self criticism.

For yet another, it was experiencing relief in letting go and being led into a personal healing space. And for someone else it was finally seeing a childhood self that had remained abandoned.

For me, the experience was a gift of trust, of immense presence showed to me by each participant. And I am changed, I have learned so much more and some of my inner criticism has quietened. I feel more confident in showing up. I am reminded once again of the work of my teacher and my community that comes out as words from my mouth.

And none of this is my work alone. Just like our tendencies to self criticise our not flaws in us alone, but symptoms of a larger system that works on constant evaluation and judgment.

The end result was all of us, ingredients in a dish of aromatic Biryani, relished with hands, mouths, tongues, nurturing our innermost spaces.

30/01/2022

Dear Facebook family,

I warmly invite you to my first community offering for this year- a workshop on building self compassion and forgiveness.

A lot of us often struggle with an inner voice that is harsh, judgmental and punishing. And that can be very debilitating.

This workshop is for anyone who-

~Is often very self critical and has difficulty moving ahead after a perceived ‘failure’.

~ Often finds themselves stuck evaluating past mistakes and events.

~ Has loud inner chatter that interferes with daily life.

~Has difficulty accepting certain things about themselves/certain events/life in general.

~Finds themselves constantly trying to ‘be better, do better.’

In this workshop, we will explore the following -

~Why we think the way we do.

~Different ways to be gentler to ourselves

~Seeing the past differently

~Learning specific methods to calm inner chatter

~Learning how to look at our ‘flaws’ differently

Please get in touch with me on 9759973647 or pm here to know more.

Come, be mad with me 🙂.

01/09/2021

My tiny little office in Agra turned 1 today.

The covid year and two lockdowns didn’t see many people visit the office. But my online practice has grown.

One client visiting me physically led to another calling and visiting. And then one more, and then another.

Some reached out through Instagram, others through an acquaintance, some through a family member who worked with me.

I feel so many things in me as I think of this confluence of energies. The only thing I have been consistent in, is showing up with all the presence I can muster.

Even on not so great days.

Those who extend themselves for support, do the rest with the courage and willingness they bring.

May we find that and more, in ourselves and each other.

Gratitude ❤️

We’re bringing our online services to a brand new Counselling Centre in folks! We need your love and support to bring our work to people in person. Walk with us ❤️

Please follow on ❤️

24/08/2021

When a witty client of mine comes up with a gold statement, I have to share it!

“Reema pehle aisa lagta tha ke mood kharaab hua to dimaagh hi kharaab hogaya!

Ab sirf mood hi kharab hota hai, dimaagh nahi! “

17/03/2021

In the middle of a godawful week, a beautiful, mellow shower of love from a client I worked with for four months. We hated saying goodbye. But it makes me happy that we don’t have to work together anymore.

“Some people’s lives seem to flow in a narrative; mine had many stops and starts. That’s what trauma does. It interrupts the plot. … It just happens, and then life goes on. No one prepares you for it.” —Jessica Stern, Denial: A Memoir of Terror

For those of us who’ve faced trauma of a kind which shook the core of our beings and changed the course of our lives, it takes strength to push the memory of the wounds out of our minds, trying to act as if nothing happened, and move on. It takes tremendous energy to keep functioning.

I have sought therapy for many years now, which had always felt like me paying someone to listen to the deepest of my hurts so that I could feel lighter but knowing at the same time that they didn’t really care or understand.

This changed with Reema. I heard her speak about abuse in an online forum and I realized that this person understands the pain of abuse and I sought her as my therapist. Since then, she’s helped me a lot, given me fresh insight into my thoughts, helped me be more at peace with myself and my family. This was the first time I was looking forward to therapy sessions as it was such a joy speaking to her and to look at her ever smiling face. I write this to acknowledge my gratitude to her for giving me these sessions and pray for her well being.

God bless.”

~S, Delhi.

p.s: We do nothing alone. I could work through because she was willing and open to change. And there was a time when I lost someone dear and we spoke about that. Soon after she shared a beautiful prayer with me. It is a gift I will always, always keep close. I call it S’s prayer.



work

14/03/2021

Yesterday I conducted my first online workshop on redefining body image with six amazing women.

I had been very resistant to conducting online workshops. On ground is the medium I thrive in. I can touch, see, smell people and move amongst them. But the Covid year took that away from all of us.

Over the course of the last year, I worked through my relationship with technology via online courses and encouragement from peers. And then, happened 🙂.

For one woman in the workshop, her takeaway was the rejection of socially imposed ideals of what was thin or fat. She was able to accept her own sense of self and look beyond the body as a defining factor.

For another woman, the meditative trance took her to a place where she sensed deep gratitude for her face as something unique to her.

For yet another, there emerged a willingness and curiosity to go deeper into her past to examine where her self hate around the body emerged.

For the youngest woman in the group, there emerged an absolute acceptance of herself as a confident, sexy woman.

And for yet another, the outcome was a state of blank and unknowing-ness. As I see it, even that is the beginning of awareness. Learning is never linear. We come back to places of silence and to go forward is to sit through that silence.

All of these women emerged with new ways of addressing their negative self talk patterns. To see their faces change as we changed the negative statements in their heads was pure bliss. And almost all requested an audio of the meditation I have created myself. I am so chuffed 🙂.

As for me, I learned that to do something new once is to discover better ways of doing it. I have always known that I excel in physical spaces. People are drawn to be vulnerable around me. And that makes any workshop go very deep. But what reassured me yesterday was seeing that the same warmth can be achieved online.

I also learned that this workshop can be restructured to go really deep and bring about transformative change in women. I might have to figure out tech just a little bit more. But that doesn’t seem scary now 🙂.

Yesterday was also a beautiful reminder of the fact that we do nothing alone. Friends, family, participants come together to help, suggest, give feedback and simply be present to create an outcome. We are all beautifully interdependent.

I have new found awe for my trainer Bhavana who sits through hours, weeks and months of online training in perfect coach state. My ass gave up in three hours!!

This is me before I began and then, this is us ❤️.

08/03/2021

It is Women’s Day today.

One of the ways through which I have rescripted my narrative as a woman, is to look deeper into issues that seem obvious.

It is common to hear things like ‘feminists rage like men’ or ‘you gotta be like a man to succeed in a man’s world.’

I don’t think we can simplify our existence and how we show up in the world in single line statements. There’s a lot more to appearances than meets the eye.

Sharing a little video I made sharing my thoughts on one such question my young intern asked me.

Disrupt narratives. Ask questions. Dig deeper.