20/06/2024
He started for his college and kissed me. I rather refused and tied my hands back and kept my face long. I told I would let him go only when he gave me the aeroplane . He refused telling that it was a rare one which mimicked a real flight in colur, lights sound and also rises up a little from the floor. I was so adamant telling that i would not allow him to college and cried. He finally gave it to me and went. The whole day it was a fun. I closed all windows, door and made the room dark and played with the toy for the whole day. The happiness was so huge I kept thinking and thanking him.When he entered home I hugged him and was giving double the number of kisses which I refused in the morning. It was not the age to see the expressions of his eyes but know i could recollect how much he would have been happy by my touch. But he was not of the type of father to hug ,touch and express happiness usually.
Just I have to jump forward. When I became the doctor whwnever I came home ,he asked many times a day to check pulse and BP. He insisted to check pulse till the end any number f times I saw him. During one such chec up with a glaring in his eyes he mentioned that he loved my touch when i check him. Now I date back how much my hug would have pleased him then. When I talk about his eyes looking at me in College crowd, hostel and in bus stands and railway stations while sending off the feeling of sepeartion in it could not be described. With greatest and deep pain I remeber ,before getting shifted to Corona ICU in 2021 July he touched my gloved hand, (MIght have felt that he could not feel my skin ) witha sort of fear and sepeartion and ome other unexplained anguish in eys he asked me "'Appauku sariagumapaa"... I did not have an answer then, but I want to shout now" you will be alright appa....