14/01/2022
lf I ask how lost are you? What would be your reply?. How often do you feel the need for external validation? And if you do not receive it, do you feel disheartened? You are not alone in feeling this way. External validation is an epidemic that our society is facing as a whole, a stark disconnect from ourselves is at the root of crumbling self- belief. A young boy, sweet, happy and vulnerable, looks towards his guardians for validation, for praise for his accomplishments. A child joyously and with extreme excitement presents his father with a report card, attaining full marks for a recent exam. The father in shared excitement praises the boy saying that he is proud of him. Although what the father said in hindsight is through good intention, and might not seem wrong but it has set the kid on a path of external validation for the rest of his life. What the father should have said was “You should be proud of yourself for attaining such great marks”. The boy does not explore it’s source, and ends up becoming lost in this whirlwind of a process, where his internal needs for validation need to be met by someone else.
Most of us in this day and age are not immune to the need for external validation. Our accomplishments feel enlarged when someone else notices them. With the advent of social media this idea has been further propagated. When we feel that the more people appreciate it, the better or bigger the accomplishment is, which often is not the case. Our constant need for such validation is stressful and tends to spill over into our personal and professional lives. The need to perform better so our bosses appreciate our work. Make compromises in our relationships just so that our spouse or our kids appreciate the work that we put in for them. We tend to determine our worth through the eyes of others, through their approval we judge ourselves and our accomplishments. Our identity is anchored to likes and comments under our most recent post. How many texts we get, how long does it take someone to reply to us, and the anxiety that kicks in when the validation needs are not met.
Self- belief is the antidote, to break the vicious cycle of gaining external validation. Self- belief at its core is complete honesty with oneself. To question yourself and your ideas, where do they stem from and why are they important to you. To look deep within ourselves with a magnifying glass and reconnect with our core. When we are honest with ourselves we discover our flaws, and this discovery gives us the power to work on ourselves, become better and to accept things that are beyond our control. In a look into our depths, we also find our strengths, things that we should pride ourselves for. But, more often than not we push it under the carpet, for fear or shame that we might be over estimating our strengths. To generate Self belief we need to go on a difficult journey and explore our own subconscious. Once we accept who we are in totality, all the good and the bad. We step on to a road that is much brighter, and smoother for the journey ahead.
To be able to connect with your core and be anchoring yourself to it, you allow yourself to be unfazed by the chatter of the outside world. It is an uncomfortable journey but a necessary one. We sometimes see a kid holding on to his tattered blankets, with numerous holes in it. He does not carry it because it gives him warmth but because he finds comfort in that continuity. Most of us hold on to our early ideas and beliefs and do not realise that we are inflicting damage upon ourselves.
I would like to earnestly request you all to write one question in the morning which is “What do I truly believe in? Ponder on this question every morning. In such a process, you will discover the true essence of homecoming, an idea that allows you to reconnect to your core and the beliefs that you hold dear to.
