01/01/2026
You're going to hurt each other.
Let me say that again, because nobody else will tell you this truth:
In every relationship that matters, you will wound the person you love most.
Not maybe.
Not if you're "toxic."
Not if you're doing it wrong.
Guaranteed.
You will say the thing that lands like a knife in their most tender place.
They will do the thing that makes your nervous system scream "DANGER" even though they're just loading the dishwasher.
You will misread their tone and respond to a threat that doesn't exist.
They will withdraw exactly when you need them most.
This is not a bug in the relationship software.
This is the feature.
Here's what nobody tells you about love:
The person who can hurt you most is the person who knows you best.
The same intimacy that creates your deepest connection also creates your greatest vulnerability.
The closer you get, the more precisely you can wound each other.
Your partner knows exactly which button to push to make you crumble—not because they're cruel, but because they've seen your blueprint.
And here's the part that will blow your mind:
The couples who last aren't the ones who never hurt each other.
They're the ones who've mastered the art of repair.
Most people think a good relationship means no conflict.
Wrong.
A good relationship means you know how to come back from conflict.
You know how to find each other after you've both turned into monsters.
You know how to say "I see how I hurt you" without defending why you had to do it.
The skill nobody teaches you:
How to repair a rupture in real time.
Not tomorrow when you've cooled off.
Not next week when you've talked to your therapist.
Right now. In the moment. While it's still bleeding.
Here's what repair actually looks like:
Not: "I'm sorry you feel that way."
But: "I can see that I hurt you. Help me understand how."
Not: "You're being too sensitive."
But: "Your pain makes sense. I want to get this."
Not: "I didn't mean to..."
But: "Impact matters more than intention. I hurt you."
The couples who make it learn to catch the wound before it becomes the scar.
They've practiced the conversation that goes:
"Something just happened between us."
"Yeah, I felt it too."
"Can we pause and figure this out?"
"Yes. Right now. Before it gets bigger."
This is the skill they don't teach in school:
How to stay curious about your partner's pain instead of defensive about your innocence.
How to move toward the hurt instead of away from it.
How to let your heart break a little when you realize you've wounded someone you adore.
Because here's the secret:
Every rupture is also an opportunity.
Every moment of "I hurt you" is also a moment of "I see you."
Every repair is a deposit in the trust account.
Every time you choose connection over being right, you're building something unbreakable.
The people in the strongest relationships aren't the ones who never fight.
They're the ones who fight well.
They know how to go to war with the problem, not each other.
They know the difference between being heard and being right.
They know that sometimes love looks like saying "I was wrong" even when you're only 51% wrong.
This is why your relationship keeps struggling:
Nobody taught you that hurting each other is inevitable.
Nobody taught you that repair is a skill.
Nobody taught you that the strongest couples are forged in the fire of learning how to find each other after they've lost each other.
You keep thinking you're doing it wrong when you hurt each other.
You're not.
You're just human.
The question isn't whether you'll wound each other.
The question is: Can you find your way back?
Can you sit in the discomfort of "I caused you pain"?
Can you resist the urge to explain away their hurt?
Can you choose repair over being right?
Because this is where love lives.
Not in the easy moments when everything's perfect.
But in the hard moments when everything's broken and you choose each other anyway.
In the moment when you look at the person whose heart you just stepped on and say:
"I see you. I hear you. I hurt you. How do we fix this?"
That's the skill that changes everything.
That's the skill that saves relationships.
That's the skill nobody teaches you but everyone needs.
Master repair, and you can love anyone.
Stay in rupture, and you'll lose everyone.
The choice is yours.
Hart
Art: Facebook
Empower Wholeness Intimacy
