14/12/2023
At Rock Bottom.
At rock bottom, your feet will be too heavy a burden to carry. Your heart, body, mind, and spirit will hurt, hurt so bad than you have ever felt before. The tears you will shed. The prayers you will make hoping that you will be saved.
At rock bottom the darkness will grow thicker. You eyes will see no longer, your ears will no longer hear, and your heart no longer be able to listen.
The world will all over sudden stop making sense and the only thing that you will have left is the small heart beat. Yours eyes will strain to see the world around you. If the small heart beat is powerful enough, or if you have a purpose bigger than yourself, or a Power Greater than yourself is holding you together, you will want to live.
Your desire to live will force you to get out of bed. To force your eyes to see even though they all they can see is a dim light.
You will become a robot, pushing yourself to cook, to eat, and if your are lucky to bath. But you won't bath everyday. Bathing will be a special treat for those days when the rivers of tears have dried and you think the better days have finally come.
But just when you think the light is here, a heavy, powerful darkness will hit. The darkness will last for hours, days, months or years if that is what will make you ready for what is ahead of you.
The darkness will grow thicker. You will try to send a little prayer to the Guy above but somehow, somehow, He won't be listening on that day. If you have friends that pray, you will call them and tell them to pray for you for your sins seem too many that God no longer hears or maybe all your faith is gone and the Big Guy loves people who have faith and that is the last thing you have.
If you are lucky, your friends will pick your call and they will for sure throw a rushed prayer because they care, but not too much. After all they already have too much in their lives to stop theirs for yours.
At rock bottom, you will be a different person. You own mother will not know how to handle you because you have become a completely different person.
Someday you will be angry and the anger will be thrown to the wrong people. Most around you will wonder, what happened to the person I knew? Most will withdraw out of confusion. You have become difficult they will say, you can rot in hell!
At rock bottom most will call you mad. After all who behaves that way expect a mad person? Who doesn't bathe for all those days? Who doesn't work for all those days? Who shouts at their mother expect a mad person?
At rock bottom, most friends you knew will no longer be there. Actually, they might come to check on but then they will go spread the rumor that you went mad or the only thing remaining of you is death. Some will say you only have a few days left.
You will listen and watch all that has been said and done and you will cry. You won't blame people because you know you have misunderstood or made fun of others who were in a similar position before yourself got there.
You will remember that kid you bullied in primary school. The beggar you have never wanted to look at in the streets. The 'mad' man you always laugh at in your village.
You will remember the good old days. All the times you took life for granted. All the days you complained without knowing that to be alive and to not be in any form of pain was the Greatest Blessing of all time. You will miss the good old days but your hope will be too little, you don't see how you will live again...................................
Continued in the next post.
Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay.
