11/05/2026
An Honest Mother's Day Message
It's mother's day and as I was at the beach this morning, swimming under double rainbows across a sky that was partially full of dark clouds and partially clear sunlit skies, I was contemplating the co-existence of opposites and the power of awareness.
The recognition that it's an amazing mothers day for many, receiving flowers and breakfast in bed and handmade cards and whatever fills their cup.
It is also a day where mother's are grieving loss of their children, to death, to miscarriages, to abortions, to studying abroad.
A day where orphans are wondering about their mothers, where kids are empanciapting themselves from their parents, where adopted kids are wondering why their biological mothers didn't keep them.
And a day like many others where mother's wonder if they're doing enough and kids wonder if their mothers "get' them - the human condition!
I get to hold space for so many versions of relationships with the word and person 'mother' in my work. And my own journey with my mother and as a mother has been both challenging and enlightening - the greatest catalyst for my growth.
I know it is customary to say wonderful, inspiring, sweet things on Mother's Day. And I know you'll get enough of that from everyone, including your family and loved ones.
But my soul didn't come here to say what everybody said. It came here to speak truth that most people may not encounter or if they do, will just never let the words leave their lips.
And one of the truths that I feel called to share today is this.
If we are honest, most of our life, most of us are seeking that which we didn't fully receive from our parents. We give it fancy tokens like success, awards, targets, good husband/wife/mother/father/boss but at the end of the day Irrespective of what our gender is, we look for love, for appreciation, for warmth from our work, our partners, our children.
The truth is, our parents, our mothers and fathers did the best that they could. As are we doing the best that we can. We know that cognitively but somehow it doesn't satisfy the heart. People spend years in therapy circling the same stories, knowing in their mind everyone was doing their best - but it doesn't change their lived experience. It doesn't change those unmet needs driving their behaviours subconsciously. (there is a faster simpler way around this btw)
These unmet needs show up in relationships sometimes as codependency, sometimes as constantly seeking validation of partners, sometimes as over giving, people pleasing or mistaking validation for love.
Those needs shape us so deeply that we try to spare our children from ever feeling them. We think we're breaking the cycle — and maybe we are — but giving our kids what we never had is still rooted in fear: fear of repeating the past, fear of our children feeling what we once felt. (In my work, I once had an adult child in her 40's process anger because her mother was too perfect and always present and she blamed her mother for not preparing her for life. That day I said to my husband - there's no way anyone gets parenting right, so maybe this journey's about something else.)
Even as adults, we may want our parents to change; they may want us to change. Both sides are quietly saying, "Be who I need you to be" — the child waiting for the perfect parent, the parent waiting for the ideal adult child. We don't realize it, but it's a subtle way we withhold love from each other when how we are loved doesn't conform to our expectations or needs. It's a no-win. Seeing this pattern can be confronting but awakening.
The act of coming into our own, of growing up, truly becoming mature is the ability to give to ourselves that which we didn't receive, or perhaps received, but not in the specific way that would make our heart feel full.
When we do the inner work, we realise that everything is in perfect orchestration for our highest, greatest good - the remembrance that we are whole (and that is what healing is, a return to wholeness. )
So this Mother's Day, I wish each of you — and myself:
The audacity of self-honesty
The discernment to see how our unmet needs shape our expectations of others and ourselves
The clarity to recognize what we are truly seeking in each moment we reach toward others to make us happy
the love to give it to ourselves and receive it from ourselves — freely, without reason, without justification, and without the belief that needing something means we are lacking
the grace to trust that everything is unfolding in our favour
Lastly, love your mother — but free her from the pedestal (and the blame). She will make mistakes even with the best intentions. She will disappoint you. She can only love you as deeply as she is able to love herself and replenish herself. She is human too.
If you have a partner or husband, remember this of them as well.
And if you are a mother who finds all of this hard — drop the super-mom, the perfect balancing act, the guilt and self-expectation. You know it served you this far and can't take you further.
Mammas, be gentle with yourself - you are allowed to hold your own humanity with the same love you so freely offer others, even when you feel exhausted or empty.
Fill your cup, before pouring, so your kids learn how to take responsibility for their emotions, their life - lead by loving yourself.
Love yourself as you would be loved.
sending you so much love,
Mirabelle
PS: I'm celebrating the 1st anniversary of my book 'The M Factor' published by Penguin. Click here to get your copy on Amazon
PPS: If someone came to mind while you were reading this, share it with them
