14/04/2025
This photo from Hello! Canada might make your stomach do a little flip.
A baby sleeping on their side, covered in a blanket. A parent nearby, seemingly asleep. A set-up that (if it is as it seems) is unsafe.
This is what happens when exhausted parents are left without support.
When “sleep when the baby sleeps” along with "DO NOT share a bed with your baby." Are the only words of advice on offer.
When the village is nowhere to be found.
**Sidenote: I suspect this photo might possibly be staged. Baby might not really be asleep. She, the blanket and mum may have been placed carefully to make it look like a snapshot of newborn exhaustion. (A baby will stay still for longer on their side than on their back, and you can hide open eyes with this position.)**
But, ignoring the possible set up for the shot - here’s what I see:
I see a tired mother.
I see a baby tucked up close by. (And I wonder if some safer sleep 7 guidance around bed sharing might be helpful or safer here. Does this baby not settle in the cot unless placed on their side with something soft over their face, for example?)
And I see an opportunity to ask meaningful questions for all of us to consider:
How do we support families so they don’t end up in unsafe situations?
How can we start meaningfully showing up for exhausted parents on social media?
What if the response to a photo like this wasn’t just criticism, but also compassion?
I understand and support the need to educate and inform when we see unsafe sleep practices - especially something as public as this. But I *also* think when we jump into comment sections and join a very long list of other commenters ONLY pointing out the dangers, we make it harder for parents to ask for help. We make this set up in someone else's home a shameful secret instead of opening up a supportive dialogue around "What happened here and why?"
Unsafe sleep isn’t a failure of love. It’s often a failure of support or information. It can also be a sign of "black and white" messaging around infant sleep. If you've been told your baby must not share a bed with you, but they won't settle on their back and you haven't slept for more than 2 hours in as many days... and if you don't sleep you're going to drop baby or fall asleep feeding them... What do you do if you haven't been given a plan B and a plan C?!
We can do better as parents and advocates than JUST listing the risks over and over again without offering compassion and support as well.
My suggestions?
- Read up on the safe sleep 7 so you can decide if it's something that is less risky than the current situation.
- Ideally, get some more support at home so you can nap. Parents? Partner? Friend? Next door's baby loving teenager? A doula? (I believe accessible funds exist for doula support if money is tight.)
When you have the energy, keep trying to settle baby on their back (picking them up when they cry - PLEASE respond if YOU are safe to do so!) You will likely find that over time you learn that baby will settle for 20-30 minutes perhaps in the morning. (Or some other pattern you can work with.) There are a couple of methods you can look up - the seated settle and the side to sleep (then transition to their back) technique. YouTube has some videos you can look at. ❤️
As always - rule out feeding issues. A squirmy, unsettled baby might be hungry or have a tummy ache.
And to be VERY clear - yes, if the baby is asleep in this image it is NOT safe. Even if she's awake and unsupervised, it's NOT safe. I am not advocating for "letting mum practice unsafe sleep." I am saying it's an opportunity for a discussion around how these things actually happen in real homes and how social media can help or hinder.
(Credit for the original post from Hello! and for the photo by Cecily Strong are both in the image below - whenever I try to directly share posts here it won't upload!)
