Charlene Borg M Sys Psy

18/05/2026

Today I will breakdown two choices one has in relation to life/personal struggles; Reflection and Problem Solving or Distraction and Alienation.

Reflection & Problem Solving:
1. Reclaims personal power and ones sense of agency.
2. Identifies root cause, rather than just treat symptoms.
3. Observes a repetitive pattern or the unique external challenge.
4. Focuses on what I can change which reduces anxiety.

Alienation & Distraction: Alienation is when one distances the self from emotions, community & reality. Distraction acts as a buffer that keeps pain away.
1. Numbing keeps uncomfortable emotions away but leaves the core issue to fester.
2. Erosion of self-trust by believing that one can't handle their own life/struggles.
3. One pulls themselves away from caring others who can help.

The next time you feel afraid of the reflection audit and you're tempted to distract and alienate, ask yourself: If I weren't afraid what would the first step toward solving this look like?

Choosing reflection is harder in the moment, but its the only way to ensure that next year's struggles aren't a carbon copy of this year's.

Images with compliments of Shutterstock

11/05/2026

A common relationship myth is that successful couples resolve all their problems. Research shows that approximately 69% of conflict won't simply fix with a good conversation.
This means resolution is only half of the equation. Couples still need to learn to:
1. Hold connection even when they disagree.
2. Avoid the win-lose trap. We both win, we both lose mindset is the most helpful.
3. Acknowledge that you are 2 different people and the relationship needs to hold space for your differences.

Image with compliments or Higgins & Carter LLC

04/05/2026

Being realistic and being hopeful can co-exist. Being hopeful is not blind optimism. Hope provides the motivation and intellectual capacity to try realistic strategies towards one's desire.

27/04/2026

What is healing in therapy? It is not a state of 'cured' to reach, it is the process of taking ones messy, painful, or confusing parts of their lived experience and making sense of them in a way that one can live comfortably with.
Imagine re-organizing a cluttered room. The items do not necessarily disappear but one stops tripping over the items whenever they walk in.

Healing looks like:
1. Becoming self-aware of what triggers us. Creating a gap between the trigger and the choice of response, rather than reacting.
2. Expanding the window of emotional tolerance. One still feels sadness, anxiety, anger but they no longer flood you and shut you down. You know they will peak and then subside.
3. Stop believing the harshest thoughts are objective truths, like; I'm not good enough, I'm messed-up and cannot change etc...
4. In case of trauma, moving the memory from the active part of the brain, where everything is happening now, to the narrative part, where it is felt that it happened in the past.

Images with compliments of Harsha Agarwal

20/04/2026

Healing in therapy happens in the relational space, when the therapist witnesses the pain, fear, confusion, shame and many other dreadful emotions. The nervous system of the therapist responds to that of the client, this is called co-regulation of the emotional state and it is a necessary requirement for (deep) trauma healing.

Images with compliments of Erko Psychology.

14/04/2026

Ambiguity tolerance is the ability to perceive uncertainty as a challenge, rather than a direct threat. This skill set comes from a place of emotional resilience.
Ambiguity tolerance acts as a buffer for stress, generates creativity and promotes better conflict resolution.
The therapeutic aim when developing this resource, is not learning how to enjoy uncertainty, but not allowing it to paralyze you.

Images compliments of wordpress.com

07/03/2026

What is pseudo-mutuality? It is an apparent closeness in the family that hides emotional inaccessibility of the parenting system. Children caught up in these dynamics are subtly called to take on board adult functions to regulate their unmet emotional needs. These patterns hinder the development of the integral self and disables self-regulation. Left unaddressed, these wounds lead to unhealthy patterns in adult relationships.

Imagery by Evulture (2011)

07/08/2025

Understanding why (I) behave in certain ways and what (I) am trying to achieve by such behavior is a pivotal point to understand in ones life.
Ask yourself: This behavior/taking this action, does it create any potential for change in relation to my circumstances? Or, does it just provide temporary relief to my current emotional state, being it anxiety, worry, fear, boredom etc...
If it is just providing emotional relief/alienation, more personal work might be needed to tolerate uncomfortable emotions, that many a time are necessary when we seek concrete transformation.

Image by lulian lonescu

12/03/2025

Trust is a key element in relationships, however trust is not only about trusting one's partner to be faithful. Trust is also very important when partners give feedback and/or have a different perspective on a disagreement or how each other's behavior is interpreted.

Image compliments of Forbes

04/02/2025

04/02/2025

Each month we will be featuring a therapist-recommended book which we believe would be interesting for anyone wishing to enhance their knowledge of mental health and general wellbeing. This month, Systemic Family Therapist, Charlene Borg, talks about the book - 'Hold Me Tight', by Dr Sue Johnson. This is an insightful book for anyone who wishes to improve the way they communicate and work through conflicts in their couple relationship, leading to deeper intimacy and connection.