30/11/2025
When the Festive Lights Feel Too Bright: Surviving Hard Times During the Holidays
The calendar flips to December, and suddenly the world is wrapped in twinkling lights, carols spill from every speaker, and social media feeds overflow with perfect family photos beside impossibly decorated trees. For many people, this is genuinely the “most wonderful time of the year.” For others those grieving, broke, lonely, sick, recently divorced, far from home, or simply exhausted it can feel like the cruelest.
If you’re one of them this year, please hear this first: You are not broken for feeling this way. You are not a Grinch, a failure, or “failing at Christmas.” You are a human being carrying something heavy while the world insists everyone must be light.
Why the holidays hurt more
Festive seasons magnify whatever is already there. Joy gets amplified, yes, but so do grief, loneliness, financial stress, and family conflict. There’s a name for this: the “contrast effect.” When the external script screams “Be merry!” but your internal reality whispers “I can barely get out of bed,” the gap between the two becomes painful.
Add to that:
* The pressure of forced cheer (“Smile! It’s Christmas!”)
* End-of-year reflection that highlights losses instead of gains
* Financial strain from gifts, travel, and expectations
* Missing someone who should be at the table but isn’t
* Being surrounded by people yet feeling profoundly alone
It’s no wonder su***de hotlines report their busiest periods between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.
You are allowed to feel what you feel
The first and most radical act of self-care right now is permission.�You do not have to “get into the spirit.”�You do not have to pretend.�You do not owe anyone a performance of holiday joy.
Cry in the grocery store if the Christmas music guts you. Stay home from the office party if you need to. Buy fewer (or no) presents if money is tight. It’s okay. The season will survive without your forced sparkle, and so will the people who truly love you.
Practical ways to protect your heart this season
1. Lower the bar drastically�Good enough is more than enough. Paper plates for Christmas dinner? Fine. Store-bought cookies? Perfect. Skipping cards this year? Understandable.
2. Create a “safe phrase” with trusted people�Something simple like “I’m struggling today” that tells loved ones you need space or gentleness without a big explanation.
3. Build tiny anchors of comfort�A special tea only drunk in December. A playlist of songs that feel like a hug. A walk at dusk to see the lights on your own terms. One small ritual you control can steady an entire day.
4. Say no early and often�Every “no” to an overwhelming invitation is a “yes” to your wellbeing. You don’t need elaborate excuses. “Thank you, but I won’t be able to make it this year” is complete.
5. Let yourself grieve what you’ve lost�Set a timer for 10 minutes, put on the saddest song you know, and cry deliberately. Paradoxically, scheduling grief can keep it from leaking out sideways all month.
6. Reach out even if it feels pointless�Text one friend: “This season is really hard. Can we talk?” Most people feel honored to be trusted, not burdened.
A note to those who love someone who’s struggling
Please don’t say:
* “But it’s Christmas!”
* “Look on the bright side.”
* “You just need to cheer up.”
Do say:
* “I see you’re having a hard time. I’m here.”
* “Would it help if I…?” (and offer something concrete)
* Nothing at all just sit with them.
Your quiet presence is worth more than a hundred pep talks.
This season will pass
One day in January you’ll take down whatever decorations you managed (or didn’t), and the world will stop demanding joy on command. The ache may still be there, but the spotlight will be off it.
Until then, be outrageously gentle with yourself. The fact that you’re still here, still trying, still breathing through the hurt that is its own quiet bravery.
You don’t have to love this season.�You only have to survive it.�And you will.
If the weight ever feels unbearable, please reach out:
* Mental Health Helpline Malta: 1579.
* US & Canada: 988 (Su***de & Crisis Lifeline)
* UK & ROI: Samaritans 116 123.
You are enough, exactly as you are today, tomorrow, and through every dark December ahead.
Emergency Medic Malta
#1579