21/09/2022
I’m laying in bed, so tired..but yet, I can’t sleep.
My mind refuses to relax and there’s no way to stop my thoughts, no matter how exhausted my body may be.
More than that, my soul is weary.
Tired of all the things that have been dragging me down lately.
Tired of fighting for survival, trying to find a way to make it every day..
I don’t even have a moment’s peace sometimes.
There is always..something.
Something that needs my attention, that breaks my heart a little, that drains my energy, that hurts my feelings.
As I lie here in the dark, there’s no words for what I’m feeling.
The emotions of a hard road defy description..only that I’m worn out.
You stop trying to be happy after a while and just try to survive.
I don’t know what tomorrow may bring, and there’s always this foreboding sense that I’m just waiting for the next disaster to come my way.
It’s a terrible feeling, really, to be captive to your life..
Having no control over anything is a helpless feeling.
I don’t have any answers..nor even the questions to ask.
All I know is I need rest-
For my body, my heart..my soul.
I close my eyes and try to think back to a simpler happier time when my dreams were new and life was brimming with possibility.
Where did I lose my hope along the way?
I exhaled loudly.
I had hit the wall..where I knew I couldn’t go on like this..
Not anymore more..
No longer will I accept letting my life control me..
No longer will I just survive.
I’m better than that.
I don’t know how, but I’m taking my life back.
I’ll figure it out like I’ve always figured things out.
I’m done being a survivor, so weary that even my soul cries for rest.
I’m coming back a warrior.
It’s going to be so hard, but nothing worth having comes easy..
My life is worth it.
My happiness is worth it.
As sleep slowly crawls across me, I drift off to a single thought:
I’m worth it..and I can do it.
Tomorrow, I’m starting a new chapter.
I’m finding my way back to myself, my happiness.
No more excuses, no more pity parties
I’d forgotten that I had claws all along..
So, I’m finally fighting my way out of this darkness..
Until the only thing I can see is the light..
Starting with tomorrow-
Starting with me.
The Ravenwolf