31/07/2025
25 Silent Marriage Killers You’re Probably Ignoring
By Pastor Bisi Adewale
Marriage rarely crashes suddenly. It’s not usually the thunderous fights or the cheating scandals that kill it first. What kills a marriage slowly, and often silently, are the small things couples ignore.
They’re like termites in a beautiful house, invisible but destructive. If you’re not careful, you may be nurturing these silent killers and wondering why love is growing cold, communication is fading, and joy is disappearing.
Whether you’re single and preparing for marriage or already in it, this is your wake-up call.
Let’s look at 25 silent killers that sneak into relationships, and if left unchecked, can destroy what took years to build.
1. Unspoken Expectations
You expect your spouse to read your mind. You think they should “know what to do.” But they don’t. And they won’t, unless you speak. Bottled expectations become silent resentments. Speak early, speak gently.
2. Assumptions
You assume they’re angry. You assume they don’t care. You assume they should have acted differently. Every assumption you make without clarity is a brick in the wall between your hearts.
3. Unforgiveness
You smiled at them this morning, but your heart is still bleeding from what happened three weeks ago. You’ve covered it up, but it’s still there. Forgiveness doesn’t say, “It didn’t hurt.” It says, “I choose to heal.”
4. Unresolved Conflicts
Many couples are experts at sweeping issues under the carpet, until the carpet becomes a mountain. What you don’t resolve today becomes the source of tomorrow’s explosions.
5. Comparison
“She cooks better.” “He earns more.” “Look at how caring her husband is.” Comparison steals gratitude and blinds you to the blessing you have at home. Celebrate your own journey.
6. Silent Treatment
You go quiet — not to process, but to punish. Days go by with no talking. You pretend everything’s fine, but deep inside, you're withdrawing. This is emotional warfare, and it's a silent destroyer.
7. Lack of Affection
A marriage without touch is like a tree without water. No hugs. No gentle hand. No forehead kisses. Over time, affection dies, and hearts grow cold.
8. Not Saying “I Love You”
You used to say it every day. Now, it’s become a memory. Don’t let “I love you” be replaced with routine and responsibilities. Love must be spoken, again and again.
9. Taking Each Other for Granted
You used to say, “Thank you.” Now you expect them to do it. You used to dress up for them. Now you don’t even notice them walk in. Taking your partner for granted is one of love’s slowest killers.
10. No More Quality Time
Work, church, children, and now no more ‘us.’ You live in the same house but feel like strangers. Time is the oxygen of love. Without it, your marriage will choke.
11. Disrespect in Private 😔
Many husbands and wives know how to honour each other publicly, yet behind closed doors, they shout, insult, and mock. Your spouse is not your child. Private disrespect is worse than public shame.
12. Neglecting Spiritual Intimacy
You pray with the church, but not with your spouse. You study the Word, but not together. Spiritual intimacy is glue, without it, the marriage becomes exposed to attacks.
13. In-Laws Interference
When your mother or father makes more decisions in your marriage than your spouse does, something is wrong. Respect your parents, yes, but protect your home.
14. Uncontrolled Temper
You say it’s just “anger.” But every time you explode, a part of your spouse’s soul shrinks. Words spoken in rage echo longer than you realize.
15. Lack of Appreciation
You praise others. Celebrate your boss. Applaud your pastor. But your spouse? You barely say “well done.” Appreciation is like sunlight, nothing thrives without it.
16. Sexual Neglect
Many couples are roommates, not lovers. You use stress, children, or tiredness as excuses. But physical intimacy is the heartbeat of a healthy marriage. Starving your spouse s*xually creates emotional distance.
17. Lack of Financial Transparency
Hidden expenses. Secret bank accounts. Private loans. Financial dishonesty is betrayal in slow motion. Trust is broken not just by infidelity, but by financial secrets too.
18. Ignoring Emotional Needs
They’re there for you, physically. But you still feel empty. Why? Because emotional needs are unmet. You’re speaking, but they’re not hearing you. You’re crying, but they don’t see.
19. Bitterness Hidden Under Smiles 😢
You laugh together at dinner, but deep inside, you're hurting. You’ve buried the pain, but it’s still alive. Pretending to be fine won’t make the pain go away. Heal. Don’t hide.
20. Phone Addiction
You’re always with your spouse, but you’re never really with them. Your eyes are on the screen, not on their heart. You say “I’m listening” while scrolling. But love is not multitasking.
21. Lack of Personal Growth
You’ve stopped learning. Stopped evolving. A stagnant life becomes a stagnant marriage. Grow spiritually. Grow emotionally. Grow personally, and bring that growth into your home.
22. Disconnection During Crisis
A crisis should make you cling tighter not grow apart. But many couples go silent, withdrawing emotionally. Don’t let storms scatter what you should shelter.
23. Mocking Each Other’s Weaknesses
Joking about their weight, their fears, their failures, even in “play” wounds the soul. Your words should build your spouse, not break them.
24. Overfamiliarity
You once opened doors. Now you slam them. You once said “please.” Now you bark orders. Familiarity should not breed contempt. Let honor never become outdated in your home.
25. Lack of Fun and Laughter
You’ve become too serious. Too formal. The joy is gone. Marriage without laughter is like a song without melody. Bring back joy. Go on dates. Laugh again.
FINAL WORDS
My beloved,
Marriages don’t collapse overnight. They fade. They bleed. Silently. Slowly. And painfully.
But the fact that you’re reading this means your heart still cares.
Please, don’t wait until your home is broken to fix it. Don’t wait until your spouse is gone to value them. Don’t wait until silence becomes a stranger.
Check these 25 areas today. Pray. Talk. Apologize. Adjust. Invest.
Your marriage can still be beautiful again — if you’re willing to fight for it.
©️Pastor Bisi Adewale
Marriage Clinician
