Shamseddin Giwa

04/01/2026

04/01/2026

Dear wife,

Pay attention before your marriage gets to this point.

04/01/2026

You started together with a diploma or first degree. Your spouse did a postgraduate course, you remained the same. Your spouse did a masters, you remained the same. Your spouse moved to a PhD, you remained the same. One day you begin to wonder what happened to the marriage.

No, marriage is not about PhD but as your spouse continued to develop, the mindset, enlightenment, expectations, reality, network, net worth and even sense of humour changed significantly.
It will feel cruel but you may suddenly not be enough in that sense anymore.

Your spouse began fitness moves and healthy eating. You remained the same.
Your spouse embraced and learnt discipline, self respect, perseverance in keeping fit and also changed interests to fitness related things, met new people who are about healthy living yet you remained with old unhealthy habits. One day you’d wake up and wonder what happened to the marriage. You happened to the marriage.

You both started on a financial level and had a model. Your spouse began to learn skills, add certifications, put in more efforts, became more daring with dreams and continued to grow; growth brought better finances. It would feel like you are a team but teamwork only feels healthy and balanced if both parties have valued input.
One day you’d wake up and wonder why there’s so much fight over money, ambitions and life goals but you happened to the marriage. You remained stagnant as your spouse made growth moves.

You’d feel like your spouse betrayed you but in actual sense, you betrayed yourself.

This is not easy to hear but if this feels familiar, embrace change today and begin to move in the right direction for yourself and for your marriage.

03/01/2026

We all have our stories in life and it forms part of who we are. Seeking to move on and get married is normal but where that past has a bearing on the present and future of the other person then it becomes important for you to disclose upfront.

If you have given birth before, don't hide it.

You may look young, your parents/guardians may be helping to raise the child and family may even promise to cover you but just that act of hiding it until you feel the person is too committed to leave will be the very reason the person sees you as being bad and deliberately manipulative.

It is the same if you have done things that have now had a negative effective on the ability to have children.

It is the same if you have been previously married.

Resolve the past completely and give the person a chance to know what they are getting into and make their own decisions to be in.

A person who chooses to stand with you despite said past is more likely to stay objective with you in finding alternatives that work.

03/01/2026

Many of us have been there and many of us are still there yet this is one topic we struggle with because it is one topic that is difficult to admit.

I mean, how do you even admit that you have feelings, sometimes very strongly s*xual in nature for someone, someone not your spouse?

Unfortunately, this very fear is what means people keep in inside and it gets worse until mistakes are made and many action the s*x.

What starts out as a one off case then becomes an addiction. It keeps getting stronger without us knowing until we develop a sense of entitlement and want more than what exists. That’s when it begins to unravel.

Such is the strength of this that you’d find yourself willing to make crazy moves and risks without caring. It may begin as a more hidden meet in hidden locations but then you get bolder and more reckless showing up in you car, being in the car of the other, office and even houses.

It all feels right, the emotions even though deep down we know it shouldn’t be. ‘Crazy’ could be as wild as “let’s have a baby together”, “let’s travel abroad together”, “let’s elope together and leave our marriages behind”.

If you are reading this and it sounds like you, you are not alone. I promise you, there are many others thinking this at this very time.

The issue would feel like how to leave but the real issue is not how to leave, it is IF you even want to leave especially with not much in your marriage to go back to.

You try to run, block numbers but how do you block a number you have memorised? You find yourself too weak to cope and you end up going back stronger.

Is this the you?

03/01/2026

It may seem funny but it isn’t. This shared experience holds a lot we can all pick from.

From the reality middle aged single women face; the deception, manipulation and exploitation to the mindset many men have, hopefully it can help us make better decisions going forward.

As a lady, what does this tell or teach you?

03/01/2026

I’m sorry you believe there are no good women out there. I imagine this is coming from a place of experience.

There are good women out there but part of why you’d come across good women begins with you being a good man too. If you are not well behaved, chances are you’d attract women who are like that.

Beyond character, you also need to be enlightened and informed else there’d be bad women looking to take advantage of your good nature.

Appearance also plays a role in creating first impressions. There are certain looks that will scare away good women because such looks tend to be synonymous with badly behaved men. Pay attention to this.

Next is that you need to get deliberate about being in places where good women are more likely to exist eg places of worship, places where practice is of growth etc.
You cannot go to a strip club for example and expect to meet good women.

Move with other good men.

Finally, hand over your affairs to your Creator so that the luck element is sorted.

03/01/2026

Many of our dreams did not come true in 2025

fans

03/01/2026

I like that you are most concerned about how to help her. The first thing one needs to be able to do is change one’s mindset on how the household runs.

Many of us grew up expecting a traditional arrangement to marriage where the woman typically does the chores and raising the children but things are different today.

Your home is unique and as such you should do whatever makes it easiest for your home to thrive. The easiest ways to help will include reducing the complaining as that alone will stress her. Study her, engage her and ask how you can be of help in the home.
Of course, it is assumed that you have a home where communication is easy to have with you. If she feels it will be used against her, she may not open up out of fear. If she feels you are about to criticise her again, she may get defensive so your approach is very important.

Be firm but gentle and kind with your words. Don’t accuse, ask. And when you do, listen to hear not to reply.

Listen to hear, hear to understand, understand to respond and act. This will get you better communication with her.

In addition, pick up extra tasks in the home. Lead from the front eg, clearing up after yourself and reducing the mess you make.
See yourself as a team member and contribute to the team positively.

Know too, that you were raised differently so your hygiene values may not immediately become hers, be patient as she adjusts to the new marriage.

Be extra attentive and read up on postpartum depression (just in case). She may be getting stressed too by external issues like work, poor finance, family issues etc. Be there for her.

Begin with the above and hopefully things can be better in shaa Allaah.

03/01/2026

There are many issues that women go through and while it may not always be something that can be controlled, it can affect your husband and indeed your marriage.

Examples of these issues may include postpartum body changes, weight gain, menstruation, menopause, s*x, hygiene etc.

Yes, it is important for the approach to be good but if there are issues that can affect your marriage then it pays to be able to discuss it. This can help you enlighten him on that which he may not know and also work with him on how things can be better.

Weight gain is a very touchy subject but one capable of affecting s*x appeal negatively. Imagine this happening and not being able to even discuss it. How can a solution even be worked upon? This is just an example, one of many.

There’s no need to get defensive. This is your husband and you are a team. If there are areas that can be made better, you gain nothing turning the discussion against him.

Marriage is not a competition, it is not you against him. Be open minded and let him tell you what can be better. That’s the best way to know how to educate him on what he needs to know. Don’t forget, he’s a man and doesn’t know it like you.