Shamseddin Giwa

05/03/2026

05/03/2026

That’s the man you are married to, the one around whom you cannot talk because you never make sense.

You cannot contribute because your ideas are never sensible to him even when others find you intelligent and worthy.

You are constantly scared and marriage feels like a walk on egg shells because you are scared he’d get angry, get pi**ed off or worse, hit you.

In the end, even an apology is a blame game, “you made me do it”.

Never an apology, you are always wrong. Even when you are right, you end up being wrong.

All the above wrapped in intelligence and smoothness that is constantly used to put you down, crush your morale and make you doubt yourself to the point of losing the confidence to talk.

Yet to the world, he’s the most caring, most sensitive, most patient, the kindest that can give everything he has.

The world admires you but the marriage feels like a prison sentence that you want out of.

Who’d believe you when literally he’s the best looking type of man?
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That’s you, that’s who you married.

Even though you are reading this and it feels all too familiar, you are too scared to voice it out.

You have been isolated systematically so you feel you are all alone but you are not the only one going through this, there are many who are going through it like you.

If you need help, reach out with a message. Help exists.

05/03/2026

Marriages tend to start beautiful and sweet. We dream and hope it would be like that but as time goes on, we get tired.

Sometimes it’s easy to admit we are tired. This is when the rea*on is accepted within the society but there are other rea*ons which others may not understand.

Still, we get tired.

Here are some of the common rea*ons:

1. You both stopped working on the marriage: People don’t know that marriage needs continuous work. That you love yourselves today and it is fun doesn’t mean it will continue like that. You need to put in the work.

2. Only one person is trying: This is commonly the wife but in some cases, the husband. Marriage needs both of you to have input. Where it is only one person, eventually that person gets tired.

3. Complacency: Just because you have it good can make you take it for granted and begin to misbehave. Your marriage needs commitment else you or/and your spouse can get tired.

4. Ego: Good marriages will have misunderstandings too and this is normal. However, if you get too arrogant or let ego drive you to think when you are wrong you won’t take charge or apologise and desist genuinely, then marriage can be come tiring.

5. Unfair sharing: Marriage is team work, let it be balanced else it becomes exhausting.

6. Manipulation: There are benefits to having a spouse but if you are always about manipulating your partner, they will get tired.

7. Negativity: You are always nagging, complaining, shouting, cursing and fighting. Yes, you may say there’s a rea*on for it but there’s also an approach. Nobody wants to be around a negative spouse.

8. Depreciation & disrespect (see finish): Being together for a while can become monotonous. This means you need to keep slicing it up and seeking to make it better.

9. Lies & infidelity

10. Third party meddling: This can be family, friends and in-laws being all up in your business thanks to your spouse.
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Many are tired but it’s not always easy to walk away, that’s why the first step should be seeking help with making it better because a tired spouse can lead to extramarital affairs, emotional/physical abuse and more.

You deserve better, seek help for yours today.

Discuss this topic with your spouse.

05/03/2026

Weddings end up being amazing for many but others, it can be the beginning of so many distasteful things to come.

- Fights over bride price.
- Arguments over venue.
- Disagreements over number of guests allocated.
- Accusations of wedding funds embezzlement.
- Claims of inflated prices.
- Forced a*o ebi standards, prices and vendors.
- Size of wedding.
- Religious vs social wedding decision.
- Choice of religious theme.

Unfortunately, some don't even make it to the wedding and it gets cancelled due to the above.

Time to deliver in promises and many noise making family members suddenly develop a cold and cannot pick up.

Finally you make it there and it's your D-Day but Tailor is trying to be an unfortunate human being.

When you finally sort that, then makeup people will spend hours that you cannot afford, extended longer because you keep getting interrupted as some other vendors are messing up or confused.

If by some luck, you make it past this stage, then issues will arise over food.

"They served our family small meat"
"They didn't give us food"
"See the souvenirs sef, they packed the good ones for themselves".
"That is where I want to sit, do you know who I am?" ( This, after fighting to enter).

It's your wedding but hey, somebody is trying to guilt trip you because another person said meat had finished and somehow you are supposed to leave your wedding program to come and act Voltron of meat.

You are not even settled and your Cap is lost or make up getting smudged but family members you don't know are already beefing you for embarrassing them deliberately.

Finally, all done and you are exhausted but photographer has now chosen to also be unfortunate by delaying your photographs (hopefully, your images not lost to bad equipment).

At least when you are done with that stage, you can begin to face the creditors you now owe money.

When it comes to weddings, I tell people, add extra prayers because if you are not strong, the wedding will not happen.

Stay strong, get your emotions in order, get your plans together, know what you want and be ready to stand for it and by it. Pray and fast.

Making it to the wedding is not easy.

05/03/2026

2026: Don't worry you won't have to work
2027: I told you, you don't have to work, I just need you to be a wife
2028: Sorry it's work
2029: Sorry it's work pressure
2030: If you keep pressuring me, I will stay away as much as I can.
2031: You are ungrateful, I work myself out because of you and all you do is sit around lazily making demands without finding something to do
2032: I am tired, I want someone who is eeerm, not lazy.

2026: .....think again.

05/03/2026

YOUR WIFE MAY JUST BE THE ULTIMATE WONDER WOMAN

As a child, it was tough enough being woken up to eat during the month of Ramadan (there are tales of eba being dipped into water instead of soup but that's story for another day).

Now, that was just to wake up and eat the food.

In many homes, it was a little more complex for the girls and I didn't envy them at all. They had to wake up earlier to watch and participate in the meals being made. This meant that by the time we were eating, they were too tired to eat or had lost their appetite.

We thought we had it heavy but then at the top of the whole movement was mum, whose job was to wake up first, initiate the cooking, wake the older kids up, teach them, wake the younger ones up and make sure they stay up and pray, then squeeze in her own prayers before eating whatever she could of the meal prepared.

See, my mum has always been a superwoman so I didn't even try to understand how she did it.

When my wife took over, I honestly didn't know how she'd do it because in my mind, I knew the task at hand. She literally had to do everything and a bit more!!!

I'm an adult and I still struggle to eat, I cannot imagine how anyone is waking up to cook! Yet, food happens by default.

I take pride in participating at home but this is beyond amazing and even though the model is changing (I mean who made that rule about eating eba in the first place?) You still have to commend females.

I have compared stories and it is the same with many other guys; wake up, pray, eat, pray...even sleep.....with some homes 'implementing pounded yam!!!!!!!

Now check it;

She wakes up first, cooks, wakes the children, teach the children, pray...then fast like everyone else, rush back home to implement a similar routine in the evening....all the above while being a wife, mother, decision maker with (or without) an occupation.

It's got to be a sin not to appreciate every woman out there doing their bit in making sure we are able to run as we do, and while things need to change around the home to make it easier for them, we need to appreciate them all the same.

Hmmmm, sometimes mistakes would happen during these meals and maybe the amala will have clots, soup extra salty or meal partly burnt. We can only ask for forgiveness for when we complain and refuse to understand.

My darling wife,

I know I can be a handful but I celebrate you because left to me, we'd be eating gala with water or nothing with water.
May your efforts count for you as a super source of blessing.

You are amazing.

**Dear husband,
Deliberately choosing to make life easy for your wife is not just right, not just fair but it is a source of rewards. It just makes sense.

05/03/2026

And of women, who are quick to point out their dislike for lazy men yet they are so lazy they cannot even cover basic hygiene.

You ate and left your plates overnight because you were tired, right? But how is it you have been tired for 5 days and eating plates now have moulds with a stench enveloping the whole house?

The complain is about how you cannot take care of the home and still be expected to contribute financially so you don't. But madam, same home has not been swept in weeks, but hey, you don't even know something is wrong with your cobwebs HQ. No, the man who you have told needs to be a man and provide it all, will come back and do it.

Let's even say that is overwhelming, is it also overwhelming to wash the pants soaked now for days? No, let us pretend this doesn't happen but deep down, we know it is in a bucket or bowl in the bathroom, grossing everyone else out. It's because of yahoo boys you don't want to sun dry outside abi? Tah there, na lie. Who dem born make e dry creamish brownish dirtyish pata with starch hard under with cockroach bitesize holes outside?

Brown don bra finish, brawn to bra finish, sorry, you sha get the idea. You carry brown sweaty humid sambisa forest dey rub bra, why e no go brown? If e sure for you throw that black one inside water if the water no go turn dark brown.
"It's your favourite that's why" abi? E Kare ma, slayqueen obun.

Personal hygiene nko? Shaving and cleaning down there is vision 2035, Kini don turn Ras Kimono under your watch but no wahala. Weave on is smelling and you don't know that is a sign for you to remove it (why you have it on in the first place, keep tapping your own head o. Madam, it is craw craw) Pile the clothes, who cares about arranging the clothes on the floor? You'll come back jare, right?

Keep at it, laziness is only for men after all, you are just tired, not so?

And if you see them outside, goodness, packaging kill them.

05/03/2026

You often start marriage on love and attraction but as you grow older, things change about you.

You suddenly find you no longer get the spark from being with your spouse not necessarily because you are doing anything outside the marriage but because you or your spouse changed and became a different person.

Change is normal but it can create a gap between you both if you don’t pay attention to it.

A spouse you used to be able to have long discussions with suddenly cannot have any discussion yet you see the spouse engage others well.

Everything gradually becomes boring if you don’t get deliberate about your marriage.

It can continue this way until the s*x becomes dry (literally) and everything else suffers. Time spent together become rare and when they happen, done in silence with each side focusing on a screen.

If unchecked, one day, without any explanation that makes sense to anyone, you’d wake up and decide you have had enough.

Not like you’d care though, the marriage, in your mind, would already be long gone.

Welcome to the reality of many homes today.

Don’t let this be you. Seek help before it gets to this point.

05/03/2026

Throwback to earlier years as a young husband and I can tell you, very few things will challenge you like how to mature into who you should be as a responsible husband.

This stage is where many find it difficult to let go of other ladies who suddenly begin to desire you now you’re married.

Marriage will feel like being restricted, “it’s nothing serious, just this girl that likes me” but in truth, you have just not matured into a responsible husband yet.

Society will not help as it will make you feel you can get away with it, it’s not a big deal.
Friends will also be doing it so it will feel normal.

Many sowed the seeds that eventually destroyed homes at this stage, those who made it out and eventually changed, barely lucky.

If we don’t begin to show young husbands that they need to be different, we’d keep recycling the same situation in our society.

Yes, you are young and fresh.
Yes, there are cheap girls around
Yes, others are doing it
Yes, you can lie and sometimes get away with it

But in the end, you risk and maybe lose your marriage and home. It’s not worth it.

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That said, I need to go and charge the Mrs a groom price, ahan, see the fresh man that agreed to marry her 🤣🤣🤣🤣

05/03/2026

A lot of times as a man, you are the husband, father and lead. You are looked up to for deep stuff, provision, security, leadership, control, critical decisions. You are expected to be firm when needed yet gentle, kind, responsible and caring at the same time.

Beyond the home, you are so many things at work too.

In the end, you are there but on the inside you have fears, uncertainties, loneliness too. No ody sees these though, you are expected to "be a man" so you continue being there for everyone, forgetting about your own self.

Let me keep going, keep trying, if my family is happy then I'm good but even while you are doing that, it would seem family forgot how to connect with you because it seems you were not there.

Welcome to that which many of us do not even understand let alone know how to address.

05/03/2026

Short answer: No

Detailed answer: Infidelity happened and went as far as having children. Even if this has not crossed your breaking point, the first step towards a fix is a show of remorse, and there’s no remorse without openness and accountability. Even if not for anything, for the fact that the nature of your marriage has now changed, things need to be defined which begins with an explanation.

I would not advise to proceed in this direction.