09/12/2025
WHY CHOOSING A MARRIAGE PARTNER TODAY IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN BEFORE
Finding and choosing a partner used to be a community-assisted journey.
Families played a role. Shared values were clearer. The path from courtship to marriage was structured and predictable.
Today, young adults must navigate this journey almost entirely on their own — in a world that has changed drastically.
Many believe they have a personal problem.
In reality, they are struggling inside a landscape shaped by systemic, cultural, emotional, and technological forces they were never prepared for.
Here are the major systemic issues shaping modern relationships 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾
1️⃣ A Changing Cultural Landscape
Young people today stand between two conflicting value systems:
Traditional culture (marry early, clear roles, family involvement)
vs.
Modern culture (personal fulfillment, emotional connection, choice).
This creates:
• confusion,
• pressure,
• fear of choosing wrong,
• and uncertainty about what kind of marriage they truly want.
2️⃣ Collapse of Community Support Systems
In previous generations:
• families,
• elders,
• faith communities,
• neighbourhoods played active roles in guiding relationships.
Today:
• isolation is high,
• friendships are shallow,
• communities are fragmented.
Young adults must figure it out alone — without perspective, guidance, or support.
3️⃣ Emotional Injuries & Childhood Experiences
Many young adults carry:
• emotional neglect,
• abandonment wounds,
• attachment insecurity,
• inconsistent parenting,
• trauma,
• conflict-filled parental marriages.
These wounds shape:
• who they are drawn to,
• how they communicate,
• how they handle conflict,
• and the kind of relationships they build.
Many people are choosing from their survival patterns, not from clarity.
4️⃣ Technology Has Changed How We Connect
Technology gives:
• endless options,
• low investment,
• short attention spans,
• comparison culture,
• emotional passivity.
Dating apps create abundance but not depth.
Social media amplifies comparison, not connection.
This makes intentional relationships harder than ever.
5️⃣ Financial Pressure
Young adults navigate:
• unemployment,
• relocation pressures,
• high cost of living,
• expensive weddings,
• unstable economies.
Many delay marriage because they feel “not established enough.”
Finances affect readiness more than ever before.
6️⃣ Gender Role Confusion
Traditional messages:
• “A man must provide.”
• “A woman must submit.”
Modern messages:
• “Partnership must be equal.”
• “Both should communicate.”
• “Women should be empowered.”
• “Men should be emotionally available.”
People are confused about roles, expectations, and responsibilities — making choosing a partner much harder.
7️⃣ Negative Social Narratives About Marriage
Today’s generation hears more about:
• divorce,
• infidelity,
• betrayal,
• disappointment than about healthy marriages.
This creates a subconscious negative bias toward marriage. Fear becomes louder than desire.
8️⃣ Lack of Relationship Education
We were taught:
• math,
• chemistry,
• religion…
But not:
• emotional regulation,
• communication,
• compatibility,
• conflict skills,
• boundaries,
• choosing partners wisely.
Most young adults are navigating relationships without the tools required to succeed.
9️⃣ Hyper-Individualism
Modern culture promotes:
• “Protect your peace.”
• “Cut off anyone who stresses you.”
• “Do whatever makes you happy.”
Important messages — but also incomplete.
They create:
• low tolerance for discomfort,
• fear of sacrifice,
• avoidance of conflict,
• unrealistic expectations that love must always feel easy.
But healthy relationships require emotional resilience.
🔟 Fear of Choosing Wrong
With rising divorce rates and countless negative stories, many young adults live with:
• overthinking,
• anxiety,
• indecision,
• perfectionistic expectations,
• fear of commitment.
This fear makes choosing extremely difficult.
⭐ THE BIG PICTURE: The Problem Is NOT the Individual
Young adults are not struggling because they lack value or seriousness.
They are struggling because the world around them has changed faster than anyone has taught them to adapt.
The solution is not shame.
The solution is education, clarity, emotional development, and structured preparation.
When people understand these systemic forces:
• they stop blaming themselves,
• they gain clarity,
• and they approach relationships with wisdom, not fear.
⭐ WHY I CREATED THE GET YOURSELF READY FOR MARRIAGE PROGRAM
If you read this and saw yourself in any of these systemic realities, please know this:
• You are not alone, and nothing is wrong with you.
• You are navigating a world that requires new skills, new clarity, and new understanding.
That is why I created the Get Yourself Ready For Marriage (GYRFM) 12-week Group Coaching Program — to help young adults build the emotional capacity, relational wisdom, and practical clarity needed for healthy, intentional partnership in today’s world.
We address these systemic issues one by one.
We teach what nobody taught you at home, in school, or in church.
We help you prepare for the marriage you want, not the one you fear.
Stream 10 begins in January 2026.
If you’d like to join the waitlist or learn more, comment “Interested” or send me a message privately.
Your desire for a meaningful relationship is valid.
Your preparation matters.
And you deserve to step into marriage with confidence and clarity.
©️ Modupe Ehirim
P. S. Share this post with your friends and network. Join us to make life better for all of us.
P. S. Young adults show this to your parents, your pastor and your Marriage Committee members.
