18/08/2025
Not every woman who speaks about her pain is rebellious.
Not every silence from our mothers meant they were fine.
Some thoughts I’ve been reflecting on…💭👇🏾
There’s a kind of hurt that sits quietly in many homes. A kind of suffering that doesn’t show up with bruises or raised voices. The kind where a woman smiles outside but withers inside, dismissed again and again by the person she shares her life with.
Sometimes, when we speak of mental health struggles in marriage, people respond by pointing to our mothers and grandmothers; how they stayed in their marriages no matter what, and never “complained of mental health issues.”
But I wonder if they never felt these things. Or did they simply not have the words to describe them? Did they remain silent because they were strong or because society made it shameful to speak up?
We often use the silence of past generations as proof that certain problems didn’t exist, but that’s not always the case. There was a time when people didn’t know about genotypes. Many parents didn’t understand the dangers of marrying AS to AS. But that didn’t stop children with sickle cell from being born or from dying. The knowledge was missing, but the pain was still real.
In the same way, just because mental health wasn’t a common topic in our parents’ time doesn’t mean women weren’t suffering. It only means they didn’t have the language or the safety to say, “I am not okay.”
And truly, women are not aliens for wanting to talk about their mental health. Even men face mental strain from life, work, and family. So why is it surprising or unacceptable when a woman says she’s emotionally exhausted in her marriage?
Many homes today still don’t offer the kind of peaceful privacy Islam envisioned. In some households, a woman’s “private space” is shared with non-mahram relatives and in-laws who stay for weeks or months. Her space, her kitchen, even her bedroom is not truly hers. She must often remain covered in her own living room, cook for people she didn’t agree to live with, and adjust her life for the comfort of others.
Abuse isn’t always physical. It can be psychological, emotional, or spiritual. It can look like gaslighting, constant criticism, silent treatment, or using religion as a weapon to control. Many women are not asking for a perfect husband, just peace of mind.
Islam acknowledges the soul, the mind, and the heart. It does not require a woman to stay in a marriage that breaks her spirit. Khul’ exists for a reason.
The Prophet ﷺ even allowed a woman to leave a marriage simply because she no longer felt love, and she wasn’t shamed for it.
There’s nothing wrong with seeking Islamic counseling. There’s nothing shameful in asking for help. And there’s absolutely nothing un-Islamic about knowing your limits and speaking up before your heart completely breaks.
Where then is the mercy and protection she seeks when the society is encouraged to see every woman who voices her pain as rebellious?
