27/04/2026
“You need to grow into becoming the man that your younger version would run to for protection.”
I don´t even know how to start this- but let´s do it.
João. 34 laps around the Sun.
My parents got divorced when I was 8. I asked my mum to divorce my father, due to the constant abuse inside the house. I remember grabbing my father´s legs to stop him from hitting my mother. I remember the screams, the fights, the doors closing, me trying to enter their room very carefully, afraid of what that might trigger.
I remember the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the pure unsafety and chaos.
With the divorce came the parental shared weekends - My father would tell me that my mum was a w***e, that she didn´t want to give birth, that I was not wanted - Reminder, I was a kid, listening to all this.
My father had a son from a previous marriage who would also spend the weekends with me.
And then my life changed even more. I was sexually abused by my own brother for years.
When I was 16, my father tried to hit me. My sentence was - “If you touch me, I will kill you right here.”
Left and never came back.
And then, the numbness came. I did everything trying to get rid of the pain. Depression was real. Void was real. Su***de came to mind many times. And I tried it. Couldn´t do it. I knew that something had to change.
For many years, I went to psychotherapy, which brought me a deep understanding of the mind. Attachment styles, Love Languages, core wounds… Tried to reframe my past, but I was not really able to integrate. I didn´t cry for years. I was tired of feeling like that.
I was the man who was smiling, ready to help others, but… Inside, I was dying.
Surf, connection to Nature, and meditation were really my pillars, for many years, while I was trying to make sense of things. And I did it. Got out of the dark place where my mind was trapped in.
Moving on… 2022. SacredSons.
I knew that I had to face my shadows like never before.
My first check-in at EMX (Embodied Masculine Experience) was - “I feel unsafe with men.”
—— CONTINUES BELOW —— 🔽🔽🔽🔽