10/04/2026
A couple of weeks ago, I met up with a friend from the mental fitness community to record a youtube video on recovering from OCD. It was very fun and we had a great conversation.
Afterwards, it suddenly dawned on me that I had forgotten to worry or even think about my stutter. Even though it definitely was there, I didn't see it as an obstacle or had any judgments about it. I just completely went into it with the knowledge that this is how I talk and there's no need to explain. My brain made an automatic assumption that this new environment would be okay with my stutter.
And that is surprisingly new to me!
Even though I have learned to talk compassionately to myself no matter what, and I gently push myself to stutter openly, I do always have to - like I said - 'push myself'. There is always this internal hurdle of 'stuttering is not okay' that I have to overcome every time I show my stutter. I didn't realize this until now, but I move through the world and through social interactions with the assumption that people dislike hearing my stutter. That it makes people feel uncomfortable and they want to get out of every stuttering moment just as much as I do. I didn't even realize this was an assumption. I just thought this was a 100% true. Until my brain suddenly made the opposite assumption!
Maybe it is not true that people inherently dislike my stutter? What if I just assume that everyone I talk to will be okay with it? If they are not, I will find out in time. I will deal with it when that moment comes. And it will be okay.
I think my brain wants to protect me by making negative assumptions about people's reactions. To protect me from disappointment and unexpected hurt. But I want to jump into the uncertainty of expecting the good from people. Thanks for trying to protect me, brain, but I'm ready to take the risk now. ❤️
