Vanessa Coultas - Life Mentoring

30/04/2026

When you’re a working mum, every minute of your evening is precious.

So when you have to ask five times just to get shoes on, it feels like your whole night is slipping away.

You don’t have time for a standoff, so you scream just to get them moving.

It feels like yelling is the only way to get things done on a tight schedule.

But is it?

You might think you don’t have time to change your parenting, but how much longer are you going to let this be your “normal”?

Instead of learning how to follow directions, your child is learning to shut down or push back.

The “gap” between you grows every time the night ends in tears and shouting.

If they don’t feel like they can hear you now over the shoes, they won’t hear you later when life gets much harder.
Try this today:

Stop “Distance Shouting.”

It’s a time-waster.

Walk into the room, get on their level, and look them in the eyes before you speak.

It takes ten seconds to walk over, but it saves you ten minutes of nagging and the hour-long “bad mood” that follows a yelling match.

29/04/2026

It’s your second ‘work’ shift.

You’re trying to finish one last work email while getting tea ready, and the kids are acting like you’re invisible.

You talk, but they don’t look up.

You talk louder, and they still don’t budge.

You tell yourself it’s “just a phase,” but this “ignore-ignore-yell” routine is becoming the way your house functions.

When yelling becomes the only tool in your box that “works,” it isn’t actually working; it’s just training your child to wait for the explosion.

This doesn’t go away on its own.

Every time you have to scream to get their attention, you are teaching them that your “normal” voice doesn’t matter.

If they learn to tune you out now, that gap will only get wider as they get older.

You are losing the precious connection time you worked all day to get back to.

Try this today: Before you ask for anything, go to them.

Spend one minute looking at what they are doing.

Talk about their game or their drawing first.

Build that “bridge” of connection before you try to give a direction.

28/04/2026

You spend your whole day at work being a problem-solver.

But at home, you can’t even get a school bag moved.

You’ve tried the stickers, the rewards, and being “gentle,” yet here you are, asking for the fifth time while the tea gets cold.

Then comes the explosion.

You’re yelling.

Again.

You feel like you’ve tried everything, but the loop doesn’t stop.

That’s because your kids have learned they don’t actually have to listen until you blow up.

But every time you scream just to be heard, the “gap” between you and your child grows.

The thing is -
Kids don’t just “grow out” of these habits; they grow into them.

The teenager who locks their door and won’t talk to you is being created in these moments right now.

If they don’t feel they can connect with you over the small things today, they definitely won’t when the problems get bigger.

Try this today:

Do you want to hang your coat up yourself, or do you want to do it together?”

or

“Do you want to put your bag away now, or after you’ve had your snack?”

This works because you aren’t fighting for control.

You’re giving them a little bit of power.

It moves you from boss mode, which can create a battle.

It creates a decision-making mode in them which is more collaborative.

27/04/2026

You’ve spent all day making decisions, managing deadlines, and being “on” for everyone else.

You finally close the laptop or clock out, and you just want the next hour to be smooth.

You want a bit of peace before the dinner-bath-bed marathon begins.
But instead, you’re met with a wall of “no.”

You ask them to get off the screen or pick up their bag. You ask again while you’re trying to get a head start on tea.
By the third time, you’re vibrating with frustration.

By the fourth?

The workday stress boils over and you’re yelling.
You hate that the first real interaction you have with them after a day apart is an explosion.

You feel like a “bad mum” before the sun has even gone down.
You feel like you don’t have a spare second to ‘learn’ a new parenting style.

But how much time do you waste every night in a standoff.

You don’t need more time; you need a strategy that actually works the first time you speak

The reality is, your kids have learned to tune out your “work voice” and your “tired voice.”

They’ve been trained to wait for the “yelling voice” before they move.

You’re not just losing your cool; you’re losing the precious little time you actually have together.

Try this today:

Before you start making demands, give them 5 minutes of ‘undistracted’ you.
Sit on the floor, ask about their day, or just hug.

Filling their connection tank first makes them infinitely more likely to cooperate when you finally ask for that bag to be moved.

How much longer are you going to let your “second shift” at home be defined by the battle?

25/04/2026

You’ve just finished a long day at work, and you’re already on your fourth time asking them to just put their shoes away.

You’ve tried the gentle reminders, the patience, and every parenting trick you’ve read about.

But by the fifth time?

You’re losing your cool.

You’re yelling.

Again.

This isn’t just a "bad day." It’s the loop you’re both stuck in, even though you feel like you’ve tried everything to fix it.

The thing is, when we’re frustrated, we tend to use way too many words.

We explain, we negotiate, and we lecture…..

But the more we talk, the more the message gets lost.

Your kids have learned they don’t actually have to listen to the noise... until Mum finally blows up.

Every time that happens, it gets harder to get through to them without raising your voice.

It feels like yelling is the only tool left in the box that actually "works."

Except it isn't really working, because we just end up yelling more and more.

Instead of the long lectures, try this: keep your instructions to just 3–5 words.

This doesn’t just go away on its own.

It becomes the way your house functions.

Instead of learning how to follow directions or stay calm, your child learns to wait for the explosion.

They start fighting back, ignoring you, or just shutting down.

Not because they’re "bad kids," but because this is the routine they’ve picked up.

Kids don’t just "grow out" of these habits; they grow into them.

The teenager who locks their door and won't talk to you is being created in these moments right now.

If they don’t feel like they can connect with you over the small things today, they definitely won't when the problems get bigger.

The "gap" between you grows every time you have to scream just to be heard.
THERE IS A DIFFERENT WAY
How much longer are you going to let this be your "normal".

25/04/2026

You’ve got too much going on - with work, kids……

The tantrum seems small.

You tell yourself: “They’ll grow out of it.”

But this isn’t just a phase.

It’s a pattern your child is learning: how to cope when feelings feel too big.

Every time you ignore, distract, or hope it passes,
your child learns they need to escalate to be heard.

Frustration turns into meltdowns.

Boundaries feel like battles.

Small triggers become pressure points.

And when these tantrums happen again and again,
you start yelling, counting, reasoning…
and the pattern strengthens, it doesn’t disappear.

They’re learning they don’t need to listen until you lose it.

Every time it happens, it gets harder to reach them without shouting.

This doesn’t fix itself.
It becomes how your home works.
Instead of feeling safe with you, they start reacting.

Avoiding.
Fighting back.
Shutting down.

Not because they don’t care.

But because this is the pattern they’ve learned.

If nothing changes, this follows them into the teenage years.

Big emotions are handled alone.

Boundaries feel like control.

They push harder or shut you out completely.

The gap between you matters.

They’re facing bigger emotions.

Bigger pressures.

In a much bigger world.

Instead of coming to you, they rely on what they’ve learned:

Avoid.
Explode.
Fight back.
Shut down.

That’s the part that hurts the most.

Not the behaviour - but feeling like you can’t reach them anymore.

We tell ourselves it’s “just a phase.”

But children don’t grow out of patterns - they grow into them.

You weren’t failing.

You were just in a cycle no one showed you how to break.

You don’t have years to wait for this to “fix itself.”

The teenager who shuts you out is being built in the moments where they don’t feel safe to connect today.

The blueprint for your future relationship is being drawn right now.

How much longer are you willing to wait to change it?

24/04/2026

You’ve got too much going on - with work, kids……

You don’t have time for this tantrum.

You’re late for work.
Dinner isn’t ready.
Laundry is overflowing.
Emails are still waiting.

And yet, there it is: screaming, stamping, tears.

You try to manage.
You negotiate.
You repeat yourself.
Sometimes you shout just to get through it.

It works… for a moment.

But every time you “push through,” your child learns something important:
• Big emotions only get noticed when they escalate.
• Calm moments don’t get attention.
• Waiting you out works better than listening.

This isn’t harmless.

Every skipped opportunity quietly shapes how they handle stress and boundaries.
Teenage meltdowns.
Conflicts at school.
Friendships tested.
They begin to rely on coping habits they learned at home.

The gap between you grows while you juggle everything else.

The teenager who shuts you out is being built today, in these moments you “don’t have time” for.

You tell yourself you’ll connect later.

But later never comes, just the next tantrum, the next meltdown, the next cycle.

You don’t need more time.

You need a different way to use the time you already have. A way to stop escalation without adding more to your plate.

The blueprint for your future relationship is being drawn right now.

THERE IS A DIFFERENT WAY

How long will you wait before you take back the connection?

Comment BREAK or DM me to stop the cycle and reclaim your calm and your bond.

20/04/2026

20/04/2026

You’ve just finished an 8 hour day at work, and you’re already on your fourth time asking them to just put their coat away..

You’ve tried the gentle reminders, the patience, and the "cool down" methods you’ve read about.

But by the fifth time?

You’re losing your cool.

You’re yelling.

Again.

This isn’t just a "bad day."

It’s the loop you’re both stuck in, even though you feel like you’ve tried everything to fix it.

Your kids have learned they don’t actually have to listen... until Mum finally blows up.

Every time that happens, it gets harder to get through to them without raising your voice.

It feels like yelling is the only tool left in the box that actually "works."
Except it isn’t really working because we yell more and more!

And this doesn’t just go away on its own.

It becomes the way your house functions.

Instead of learning how to follow directions or stay calm, your child learns to wait for the explosion.

They start fighting back, ignoring you, or just shutting down.

Not because they’re "bad kids," but because this is the routine they’ve picked up.
Kids don’t just "grow out" of these habits; they grow into them.

The teenager who locks their door and won't talk to you is being created in these moments right now.

If they don’t feel like they can connect with you over the small things today, they definitely won't when the problems get bigger.

The "gap" between you grows every time you have to scream just to be heard.
How much longer are you going to let this be your "normal"?