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WARN International provides consultancy and training in managing challenging situations to minimise

20/02/2026

The Importance of Being Earnest - I don’t mean the movie, I mean real life.

Being earnest, being sincere, being real and being genuine.

Somewhere along the line, we learned to hide the truth about how we feel.

To stay strong, to keep going, to not rock the boat.

And in doing so, we trained our nervous system to stay on alert – always managing impressions, always performing, rarely relaxing into who we really are.

But neuroscience shows us that when we speak honestly and connect genuinely, our brains release oxytocin, the bonding chemical. Oxytocin lowers stress hormones like cortisol and signals to the nervous system, You’re safe.

In real-life experience, it is even clearer. When you’re earnest, people relax around you, conversations become human instead of transactional, and trust builds without effort.

Emotional honesty is not weakness; it’s not oversharing, nor is it vulnerability for its own sake.

Its alignment, its safety, its connection. It’s the moment our brain and body stop fighting each other.

Sincerity strengthens our brain. In a world full of noise, filters, and performance, maybe the bravest thing we could do is to say what is true, while being mindful not to hurt others.

Because when you speak earnestly, people feel safe with you. And that’s where every meaningful relationship begins.

Let’s talk

18/02/2026

I was working with Elected Members of a council recently, and the topic of decision-making arose.

Whether it’s voting on something that impacts a community or making a personal choice at home, the same question surfaced.

How do we stop overthinking and engage our rational brain when emotions, ours or someone else’s, are pulling hard in different directions?

The reality is that difficult decisions feel impossible, not because we’re incapable, but because strong emotions shut down our clarity.

When emotions rise, the brain’s alarm system fires up, and the part responsible for logic and good judgment takes a back seat. When we need calm and clear thinking the most, our brain gives us noise instead.

We can bring our thinking brain back online.

By slowing the body first with a long exhale, it sends a message of safety and resets the system – When in doubt, breathe out!

Ask different questions. Not ‘What’s the right decision?’ but ‘What’s the next best step?’ or, probably better, ‘What aligns with my values?’

Remove the imaginary audience, decisions become clearer when we stop worrying about what others might think.

If clarity still won’t come, choose rest! Our brain decides better when it’s settled, not when it’s strained.

Of course, some decisions are difficult. Not because they’re complex, but because they’re emotional.

Choosing to walk away from something that once mattered to you, letting go of a relationship that’s no longer working, deciding to forgive someone or yourself.

Saying yes to a path that scares you or no to a path that drains you, setting a boundary with someone you love, starting again when you weren’t ready for an ending.

These decisions hurt because they involve the heart, not the head. Yet they are often the ones that shape our wellbeing the most.

What I shared with the Elected Members is what I try to remind myself daily: difficult decisions don’t need more pressure; they need more calm.

When the body settles, the mind clears. When emotions soften, values emerge. When the noise quiets, the real answer finally has space to be heard.

Let’s talk!

16/02/2026

A couple of days ago, I found myself frustrated with technology.

Nothing dramatic, just one of those moments where things wouldn’t work the way they were supposed to.

I didn’t realise my words had become harsher than I intended.

It wasn’t the technology, it wasn’t the lack of internet connection, it wasn’t that I needed to access documents.

It was the pressure underneath it all, the importance of the task, the urgency, the fear of letting someone down.

That’s what was really speaking.

Neuroscience tells us that when stress rises, the brain tries to protect us by reacting fast, too fast.

The amygdala fires before the thinking brain even comes online.

Our tone sharpens, our patience shortens, our focus narrows to the threat, not to the reality.

And suddenly, we’re reacting to something on the surface when the real trigger is sitting quietly underneath.

For me, it wasn’t a glitch in a device – it was the weight of needing that device to work because what I was doing mattered.

I think this happens to all of us more often than we admit.

• We snap at our kids – not because of the spilt juice, but because we’re overwhelmed.
• We get short with a colleague – not because of the question, but because we’re already carrying too much.
• We get frustrated at a small problem – because the bigger problem is sitting in the background, unnoticed.

This is not an excuse; it is a reason.

So, what should we try to do? The true origins of Stoicism had this in mind:
• Pause – stop for a moment.
• Question your thoughts – what is causing me to feel this way?
• Act according to your values – it will be the wrong thing if not aligned with who you are.
• NOT let the emotion guide our action – and that is where I went wrong.

Awareness is powerful; it’s just hard to do in the immediate moment.

Apologise as soon as you can for behaving in a way that is not in line with your desired action, reflect on what happened, and commit to doing better next time.

Let’s talk!

12/02/2026

Guilt is one of many emotions that help us and make us human.

I like to think of guilt as a boundary which guides us to stay within our lane of values. If we stray outside of our lane of values, then guilt will steer us back on track.

Guilt is termed an adaptive emotion that involves responding to emotions in ways that are beneficial and constructive.

Shame and guilt often go hand in hand, and we can often confuse one for the other.

Shame is termed a maladaptive emotion. It makes us feel bad about ourselves and can be destructive.

Although shame and guilt seem similar, they are very different. Guilt is concerned with the negative evaluation of a specific behaviour violating our moral standards, resulting in a desire to confess, apologise and/or make amends.

Shame relates to the negative evaluation of ourselves, causing a desire to vanish, escape or strike back. In short, guilt is concerned with what you did (the act), whereas shame is concerned with self-esteem and making you feel unworthy (the repercussions).

Overcoming feelings of guilt can be damn hard, but there are several strategies that can help:

1️⃣ Acknowledge Your Guilt: Recognise and accept your feelings of guilt instead of ignoring them. Our brain holds onto what we push away, so sit with the feelings.
2️⃣ Understand the Source: Reflect on what caused your guilt. Ask yourself, "Did I really do something wrong, or am I just perceiving I did wrong based on my imposed benchmark?"
3️⃣ Make Amends: If possible, take steps to rectify the situation. Apologising or making amends can help alleviate feelings of provided it does not hurt others when doing so.
4️⃣ Learn from the Experience: Use your guilt as a learning opportunity, make a self-declaration to never do it again.
5️⃣ Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, but that does not define who we are.
6️⃣ Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust about your feelings. Sometimes, sharing your thoughts can provide relief and new perspectives.
7️⃣ Consider Professional Help: If your guilt is overwhelming or persistent, it might be helpful to talk to a mental health professional.

It is important to address guilt in a positive way to prevent it from negatively impacting your emotional well-being.

Let's talk!

11/02/2026

Have you ever witnessed a workplace accident?

I have.

Many years ago, as a builder, I watched a rigger fall from the roof of a commercial building I was overseeing.

On the way down, he struck a pallet of blocks.

It was surreal. And it’s an image I still see, even now.

That moment changes how you think about safety.

Not paperwork, not procedures, but people.

Over the years, I became deeply involved in workplace safety – as a Health and Safety Representative, in senior safety roles, and later investigating incidents & accidents.

Even then, one thing was clear: What we were doing 40 years ago wasn’t working.

We often discuss psychological safety.

It’s often described as feeling safe to speak up.

Psychological safety is about trust under pressure. It’s what happens when:
👉 Someone raises a concern
👉 A mistake is exposed
👉 A decision is challenged
👉 The stakes are high

And most importantly, how we respond in those moments.

Genuine psychological safety means you can speak honestly without fear of retribution.

Mistakes shouldn’t be met with humiliation; disagreement shouldn’t cost you a sense of belonging.

Many workplaces claim psychological safety, right up until someone says, 'This isn’t working, this is wrong.'

That’s when genuine psychological safety is tested. Not in policies, in behaviour.

Psychological safety matters, and in some circumstances, more than physical safety.

Let’s talk!

08/02/2026

I was recently asked by my wife whether I ever feel lonely when I travel.

I am so fortunate to be able to travel and have work, so I never take it for granted.

My reply - “I’m always alone, but I’m never lonely.”

What I meant was that when I’m travelling, my days are full. There’s always something to do, somewhere to be, someone to engage with.

My busy brain tends to keep me occupied.

But there are times when that changes.

Late at night, lying in a hotel room, trying to get to sleep.

Or on a Sunday evening, travelling while the rest of the world seems to be settling back at home.

That’s when I can feel both alone and lonely.

Not isolated, not disconnected from people, just aware of the absence of real connection in that moment.

I think that’s something many of us experience. Even those with full lives, strong relationships and busy minds like me.

It is possible to be surrounded by people, engaged in meaningful work and still carry a sense of loneliness.

Especially when you’re good at coping, especially when you’re used to being fine.

Finding connection in those moments isn’t easy.

Not because we don’t want it, but because we don’t want to bother others.

So instead, we stay busy, we stay capable, we stay fine.

If any of this feels familiar, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

Often, it just means you’ve learned how to manage, even when part of you would benefit from connection.

Sometimes the most important thing isn’t solving the feeling, it’s simply acknowledging it.

I am lucky to have others to feel disconnected from.

I am not lonely; I am just alone.

Let’s talk!

05/02/2026

For many I speak with, it feels like the world is coming apart. Floods, fires, political turmoil, wars.

There’s constant division, outrage and tragedy.

A question many of us are holding - Is everything actually getting worse, or does it just feel that way?

Some global risks are increasing. It’s undeniable.

But what’s also increased even more is our exposure to what is happening.

We were never meant to carry the emotional weight of the entire planet, in real time, every day.

Our brains evolved for localised threats.

Now we’re absorbing global suffering before breakfast.

To add to this, we have a brain wired to focus on danger, algorithms that reward fear, and 24/7 access to everything, everywhere.

It starts to feel like an onslaught. So how do we stay informed without losing ourselves?

Not by switching off, not by endlessly scrolling, but by being deliberate:
🧠 Choose when you consume the news
🧠 Let go of what you cannot influence
🧠 Anchor locally, control things close to home
🧠 Balance exposure with regulation of emotions through movement, nature, breath, and connection
🧠 Remember that history looks chaotic when you’re living it

Control doesn’t come from worrying or trying to stop the storms.

It comes from learning how to stay steady and choosing to show up and control what we can control.

We can 'work at worrying or work on what is worrying us', our brain is going to work regardless of which one we choose to do.

Let’s talk!

03/02/2026

Recalling how, as a 6-year-old, I had my photo taken for the first time at primary school, my teacher moved a pen from my left hand to my right so that all the school photos would look the same.

I am left-handed and thought that from that moment on, I would have to hold a pen in my right hand, forever.

This is my first recollection of fear, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to go home. I wanted my mum.

Saying nothing, I forced the emotion deep inside.

I have spent a lifetime wondering, apart from fear, was this also the first moment of learning to hide how I really felt.

Today, I ponder: can DEI ever truly work if we’re all hiding how we really feel?

Many often talk about diversity, equity, and inclusion in the workplace.

Who is represented, who gets opportunities, who feels welcome.

However, the part we rarely acknowledge is the most human one.

We all experience emotions differently, and many of us have been taught to suppress our feelings.

When people suppress their emotions, they suppress their identity.

They shrink their personality to fit the norm. They nod along instead of speaking up, and stay quiet instead of challenging bias.

When that happens, DEI, I suggest, will have difficulty delivering what it promises because organisations might find it difficult to include someone who isn’t able to show up as themselves.

I humbly suggest that emotion is the piece avoided for too long, yet it’s the foundation on which everything else sits.

Without emotional honesty, equity becomes challenging, inclusion becomes performance, and diversity is not given what it rightly deserves - prominence.

If we allow room for real emotion, expressed respectfully, professionally and authentically, something changes.

People might just feel safer, teams could become more connected, and voices that once stayed quiet may finally speak up.

DEI stops being a programme; it starts becoming a culture.

Let's talk!

29/01/2026

The moment I realised the reason I was in the police 🚓👮

27/01/2026

Powering through, toughening up, putting on your professional mask, and pretending that you are fine.

How often do you spend time trying not to feel things?

The reality is that feeling and expressing emotion is one of our greatest strengths, and bottling emotions up inside is bad for us.

Every time we swallow a feeling, our body stores it somewhere - the chest, the gut, the shoulders.

Unfelt emotions accumulate. That’s where burnout, anxiety, and the 'I don’t feel like myself anymore' feelings can sneak in.

Letting emotions move is how our nervous system resets itself. It’s not weak.

Feeling our emotions actually makes us more creative, not less so.

Think about the last time your creative juices flowed. Were you freely able to be yourself, or were you holding an emotion back?

Creativity does not come from a blank mind; it comes from being connected to ourself, our experiences, our curiosity, and even our frustrations.

When we allow emotions to flow, ideas spark, and solutions appear.

If we want to innovate, we’ve got to feel.

So how do we start to express ourselves at work without oversharing?

It's easier than you might think. A simple, 'That was a tough meeting' or 'I was afraid of where that might lead us' can change the whole dynamic.

Here are a few examples:
✔️ Name what you feel (briefly) - “I’m feeling a bit stretched today", or “I’m excited about this.”
✔️ Pair the emotion with purpose - "I’m frustrated because I want us to get this right.”
✔️ Use inclusive language - "Did you feel, Did you notice, or Are you experiencing..."

Start small; these small moments of authenticity build trust over time.

We weren’t designed to be emotionless creatures; we were designed to be deeply feeling and deeply connected to each other.

When we allow ourselves to truly feel, we find clarity, creativity, connection, confidence, and maybe ironically, strength.

Not the brittle kind that cracks, the resilient kind that bends, adapts, and grows. Adaptable.

Be human again, it’s what we’re built for.

Let's talk!

27/01/2026

Mt Maunganui.

A place of beauty, meaning, and connection for so many.

Today, the maunga carries a scar, a visible reminder of the fragility of our whenua.

That scar also speaks to something deeper.

The fragility of life.

Most of us feel the pain and loss of the families involved.

We grieve with them. We hold space for them.

The response teams have worked, and continue to work, tirelessly - with care, professionalism and heart - to return those lost to their loved ones.

This afternoon, I spent time running workshops with leaders from Tauranga City Council.

They are hurting too. Hurting for the lives lost. Hurting for the families.

Hurting as they see the strain and exhaustion in their people.

And yes, hurting from the extreme rhetoric being directed at Council.

The reality is this: people who work in councils care deeply.

They have big hearts.

They show up every day to serve their communities.

When a small sector of the community redirects their pain and anger toward Council, it is unwanted, unnecessary, and it causes harm.

Before posting, please pause.

You might be hurting too.

And while it helps explain behaviour, we must remember, hurt people may hurt people. But that doesn’t make it right.

Let compassion lead.

The photo is a view of the mountain from the council meal room, a daily reminder of the pain felt by many.

25/01/2026

Why is it that we suppress our emotions, a question I often ponder when I reflect on my depression.

Was it what happened to me, or was it because I held back on expressing my emotions?

Research shows that when we try to push emotions down, two things happen:

🧠 The emotion intensifies - our brain treats suppressed emotions like unresolved danger.
🧠 It drains mental energy - it is the brain contributing to burnout and depressive symptoms

So why does it seem natural to want to suppress our emotions despite strongly feeling them?

Many people I speak with talk about Stoicism as meaning one thing: don’t feel. The original Stoics, Marcus Aurelius being my favourite, did not actually teach emotional suppression.

Rather, they taught emotional literacy. They believed emotions were natural, human and meaningful for us.

Their goal was never to hide them, it was to understand them to act with clarity.

Over time, Stoicism was reshaped by cultures that valued outward toughness over inner awareness.

In the Victorian era, it became fused with the stiff upper lip, a cultural rule that said 'true strength is silence.'

In military culture, it was repurposed to justify emotional restraint. The phrase 'Keep calm and carry on' originated in 1939 during World War II.

And in the modern self‑help world, it was reduced to a slogan - don’t let anything get to you.

Psychology Today notes that people often confuse true Stoicism with lower‑case stoicism, meaning emotional repression. This misunderstanding is explicitly referred to as 'one of the most common myths.'

Then, let's bring in conformity!

I never conformed to accepted behaviour in the classroom because of my learning difficulty. I was unable to express that I didn't understand what was being taught.

Conversely, I conformed to the norms of societal expectations when it came to showing emotions.

Don't cry, a teacher scorned at me when I thought I had to hold a pen in my right hand for the remainder of my life!

Humans survive by belonging, and belonging requires us to 'fit in'. Fitting in often means keeping parts of ourselves hidden.

We learn emotional rules long before we understand them - don't stand out, don't be different, hide your feelings, to be safe.

Our brain is pre-wired to look for anything that is different, unusual, or out of the ordinary. For that is where it sees danger. Different = danger!

So, we became wired to blend in so as not to stand out for being something out of the ordinary.

When emotion is viewed as a threat and suppressed, people don’t become stronger.

They become disconnected from themselves, from each other, from the very relationships and workplaces that depend on openness, trust and psychological safety.

Stoicism didn’t teach us to suppress emotion; conformity did.

It is not stoicism that is the problem with being who we truly are; it is conformity.

Now is the right time in history for us to be different - to feel emotion, to express emotion, to be who we were meant to be.

Let's talk!

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Our Story

With 22 years policing experience at the highest level, Lance has expertise in responding to emergencies and communicating in challenging situations. Lance specialised in su***de intervention and on predicting violent behaviour in his 13 years as a crisis negotiator and instructor for the NZ Police.

While working at the 111 Emergency call centre, Lance's resiliency programme was adopted nationally and formed part of the mandatory training for all Police call centre staff. This led to the founding of WARN International, aimed to enable organisations to mitigate the effects of stress on their employees by enhancing communication skills, managing their safety & security, and by providing personal resilience coaching.

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