17/05/2025
This week, my seven-year-old daughter said something profound. With the kind of quiet wisdom children sometimes offer when we least expect it, she told me she doesn’t always like playing in big groups. “It feels too chaotic,” she said, adding that she prefers one-on-one time because “it feels calm.” Her words stopped me in my tracks—not just because of their clarity, but because of two things.
Firstly I felt the older version of me panic deep down a little, worrying that she might not be part of the ‘crowd’ with this approach. Thankfully I sat in this space for just seconds before I recognised that retired pattern of thought and focused on how proud I am she can just be herself.
Secondly I thought of how her words in some ways echoed a conversation I’d had just hours earlier with a woman who confessed that she often feels lost in group settings. She told me she shrinks into silence, unable to find her voice, and feels like a stranger to herself in those environments.
And then I thought of me. For so long, I clung to the comfort of the crowd. I measured connection by quantity, not quality. Being part of the group made me feel safe, even if the group—or the rhythm it moved to—was out of sync with my own. I was seeking belonging, but not necessarily alignment. I was chasing a version of life that looked full from the outside, but sometimes felt a little hollow on the inside.
True connection doesn’t need an audience and it doesn’t need to be loud or big. I still love being in a big group and I’m confident in that space but I know I can’t spend all my time there. I need to come back to the quiet, the calm, through more intimate connections as well as the most important connection, the one with myself. Time alone, a place that was once scary!
There is nothing wrong with not thriving in busy rooms or big groups. Some just feel more comfortable in quieter spaces, in one-on-one moments, in calm. I used to think being surrounded by people meant I was connected. Now I know it’s the quality of the connection, not the size of the circle, that matters.
“Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside”.
With love,
Sarah x