Alina Damari - Counsellor

24/08/2022

I would say it takes more time, attention and emotional energy to deal with unmet needs 💖

18/08/2022

Graphic credit: KidsConnect Psychology

18/08/2022

🧡Please visit the link in our profile to learn more about Somatic Experiencing.
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A common misconception when learning how to regulate our nervous systems is that regulation means being “calm”. And this isn’t actually the case.
Even if we seem “calm”, it doesn’t always mean we are in the present moment. If we’re calm in the sense that we feel safe, at ease and in the present moment, we are experiencing what’s called our Ventral Vagal Complex of the Parasympathetic nervous system. This is great, and…. we also want to still have access to the other states of mobilization or immobilization….. we just don’t want to get stuck there.

So you can think of regulation as the ability to experience stressors and still come back down to baseline, aka the present moment, shortly after. An example of what this might look like is if you’re stuck in traffic running late to an appointment. You may be anxious, flustered, and your heart may be racing. But once you arrive to your destination, your heart rate settles and your tension softens. This is how our bodies can move in and out of stressors in a healthy way.

Similarly, if we were camping and suddenly a bear came into our campground, we’d want to be able to mobilize (run) to safety and hide somewhere safe. But what happens in our early life when the bear is a parent that comes home drunk every night? Or a caregiver that is consistently unavailable for us, or makes us feel like we are a burden? Then, our little system stays on high alert all the time.

This is how we can end up stuck in places that leave us hyper-vigilant, anxious, or avoidant, or shut down.

The goal here is not to measure how often we can make ourselves calm, but rather, how we can begin to experience more and more safety and presence following stressful moments.

Our nervous systems are not designed for perfection, but for flexibility ❤️

You can begin with simply noticing your surroundings more and more throughout your day. Look around, where are you? What do you notice when you look around? How do you feel in your body when you notice those things?
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11/08/2022

I also have to turn down the radio so I can see where to park the car 😂💖

28/07/2022

Such a brilliant video from a fellow colleague 🥰

A video explaining the concept of neurodiversity using Lego.

23/06/2022

As clients move through their therapeutic journeys, we as therapists also move through our own journeys. As our practice evolves sometimes changes are needed. I have the great privilege of being a part of New Zealand's neurodiverse community and working with neurodiverse people as the majority of my client base. It was a natural and authentic unfolding of my practice and so I decided I needed a logo change to signify the direction I am heading.

The infinity symbol is universal in the recognition of autism, but more recently it has been adapted by all neurodiverse people to signify the vastness, variety and individual experience of neurodiversity in our community. So I brainstormed together with the team at Lost Customs Cosplay and Spfx Makeup to come up with this beautiful new log. It features the diversity and beauty of the infinity sign with the growth and change that people experience in their therapeutic journeys.

If you are looking at rebranding or idea's for your next logo please support local artist Lost Customs Cosplay and Spfx Makeup. I am always over the moon with their quality of work and customer service.

13/06/2022

I have enjoyed this book so much and have had such good feedback from it. I am able to now stock this book so I will have copies on hand to give to clients :D If you would like a copy please feel free to send me a message or email me.

07/06/2022

I recently found this beautiful resource. "I am Autistic" is a wonderful resource for autistics to discover their uniqueness and to help those around them to be understanding and supportive. While it is targeted to women or those assigned female at birth, there is relevance for everyone diagnosed or not in this book. There are also aspects of ADHD such as object permanence and executive functioning which I am sure some will find helpful :)

31/03/2022

Boundaries

As I walked through the kitchen on my way out the front door, I playfully swatted my then thirteen year old on the rear....and said " have a great time and see you later."

"Don't do that please."

I paused.....backed up.....and replied "don't do what?"

"Don't hit me on the butt, I don't like it."

I am great at laying boundaries.
I previously worked as a school counselor where I taught a group for kids on boundaries.
Boundaries are one of the first things I teach my clients as a therapist.
Boundaries teach us how to love each other well.
I LOVE boundaries.

Yet still.....my daughter laying a boundary with me regarding her body felt.....uncomfortable.

I literally felt my body squirm with an urge to respond.

I couldn't quite pin it down, but I knew receiving a boundary from my daughter made me want to explain myself.

It made me want to tell her why she should be okay with her Mom giving her a quick love pat.

It made me want to gaslight her into feeling silly that she would need a boundary with her own Mom.

Those were just parts of me. Parts that were raised in a home where as children, we didn't get to have boundaries. Parts that are still reeling from laying her own boundaries with parents.

All they knew was this didn't feel right.

I knew the right answer....so I responded with "I'm so sorry, and thank you for telling me, I will work to break that habit."

Then I got busy attending to my own wounds.
I attended to each part that struggled to receive the boundary.

I paid close attention to what each part was saying, so that I could have a deeper understanding to how they believed they were protecting me and how they behaved when they held that belief.

Then I got busy taking really good care of those wounds/parts.

That is my work to do. Not my daughter's.

My daughter's job is to decide what feels comfortable to her and what doesn't.

Her job is to establish limits to let others know who she is, what she values, and how she is to be treated.

Then, her job is to get comfortable speaking her truth.

That starts with us. We are the guinea pigs.

How can our children get comfortable setting and speaking boundaries if they don't have the opportunity to practice?

Establishing boundaries helps to keep our children safe and protects their mental health.

So...if you haven't already, get busy helping your child learn how to determine what limits they need, and then help them practice laying those boundaries through role play or through real boundaries needed as they grow into a teen.

Notice your discomfort.....pause......curiosity....compassion.

We will take good care of all your parts later......and for now, remember a huge part of our job is to help keep our kids safe.

That starts at home.

Don't let your old stories get in the way.

09/02/2022

So often when looking at ADHD we focus on the negitives. While there are some challengers it is so important to look at the positives :) https://open.spotify.com/episode/0wgCz66KS7by84iyEWeS9l?si=HIfQp4zwSwOdc_KjOQFfuQ&utm_source=copy-link

Listen to this episode from ADHD Experts Podcast on Spotify. ADHD can be a gift, as long as you find the right ways to manage it. ADD guru Dr. Ned Hallowell discusses ways to stay organized, meet your goals, and control comorbid conditions.

23/01/2022

I am now available through Clearhead via the following link https://www.clearhead.org.nz/practitioners/Alina.Damari

Clearhead is an EAP type provider for businesses such as Foodstuffs, New World, TSB and MSD. If you work for one of these companies and require counselling please feel free to reach out.

20/01/2022

Hi everyone :) I now have access to limited funding through I am hope. If you are a person between 13-24 and would like therapy please contact me through this page or my I am hope listing :)