Charli McLachlan - Parent Coach

29/04/2025

A messy little Play & Process session today with one of my teen clients.

We LOVE to 'play' as we talk, feel, and process. Life's full of BIG stuff, especially for our youth - while I generally work with parents of teens, I do actually offer these amazing sessions for teens as well.

SO, if you OR your teen needs a safe space to talk, feel, and process their BIG STUFF then please reach out of find out more at WWW.CHARLIMCLACHLAN.COM 🧡

16/04/2025

🧡 👇🏽

10/04/2025

🫰🏼

10/04/2025

** Parents warning & trigger warning **

There is currently an alarming and harmful video circulating on TikTok, promoting the idea of “R@p3 Day” on 24 April 2025.
The content of the TikTok video is extremely offensive and puts our teenagers, young people, and viewers in an extremely vulnerable position. Many realise that this is NOT TRUE, however there are those who may still believe that this is real.

❌️ Sexual violence is NOT OKAY
❌️ Sexual violence is a serious crime
❌️ Sexual violence is never a joke
❌️ Sexual violence has life-long detrimental affects to not only the victim and their loved ones, but also to the perpetrator and their community.

● What Can YOU Do?
• check in with your kids
• have open and honest conversations
• know what content your kids are looking at and engaging with online
• know what apps your kids are using and engaging with online
• set clear and reasonable boundaries with phone/app use
• have a plan for when your kids are exposed to something inappropriate so they know exactly what to do when it happens.

If you or your teen needs support or are affected by harmful online content, please reach out to a trusted professional, your school counselor, myself,

- OR -

• Free txt 1737 for immediate anxiety support
• Free txt 234 for Youthline/youth counseling support
• Free call 0800 456 450 for info on family violence
• check out https://www.iamhope.org.nz for a list of accessible Counselors for kids and teens in your area

09/04/2025

🫰🏼

I Miss the Little You, Even As I Love the Big You

I look at you now— taller, louder, more independent— and I see the future staring back at me.

But some days, I catch glimpses of the past.

In the way you still curl into my side when you’re sleepy. In the way your laugh echoes like it did when you were two. In the way you still look for me in a crowd even though you swear you’re “too big” for all that now.

And it hits me— how much I miss the little version of you, the one with sticky fingers and mispronounced words, the one who needed me for everything and thought I was magic.

I miss the weight of you on my hip.
The sound of your tiny feet on the floor in the morning.
The way you used to say “Hold you?” when you wanted to be carried because you hadn’t quite learned the grammar yet.

I miss it all.
Even the exhausting parts.
Because back then, you were growing into yourself.
And now, you’re growing away from me—just a little, every day.

And that’s what parenting is, isn’t it?
Loving every version of you, while quietly grieving the ones I’ve already said goodbye to.

So I’ll keep watching you grow. I’ll keep cheering you on. But I’ll always carry the little you in my heart— right alongside the big you I get to love now.

07/04/2025

Let's create a consent culture 💯



Timely kōrero Richie Hardcore 👏🏽

Periodic reminder. Any and all s*xual hook up has to be enthusiastically consensual. Wasted and impaired people, obviously, can’t consent. And consent is something that has to be ongoing.

If you’re not sure they are into it, just ask! “How do you fell about….?”, “is it ok if….”, “are you comfortable…?” “I’d really like to…how about you?” “Is this ok?” Are all simple things you can ask during making out.

This *xualassaultawarnessmonth talk to your friends and fam about the dynamics of consent, and let’s create a consent culture!

23/03/2025

I didn’t write this review of but it’s definitely worth a read. The internet is evolving fast, as adults, carers, in a safeguarding position, protectors, and basic humans we need to keep up to date if not ahead.

Credit: Davis J Wilson and Rethink Therapy Services; child and adult therapy

“Netflix’s Adolescence just pulled back the curtain on something every parent, educator, and mentor needs to know—the hidden language of emojis.

Online, young people are communicating in ways that most adults completely miss. What looks innocent could have a much darker meaning. Here are some of the codes being used:

🔴 Red Pill – “I see the truth.” Used in toxic male spaces to mean waking up to supposed hidden ‘truths’ about women and society, often linked to misogynistic ideologies.

🔵 Blue Pill – Represents those who are “blind to the truth” or still believe in mainstream views about relationships and gender dynamics.

💥 Dynamite Emoji – An “exploding red pill,” meaning someone is a radicalised incel.

🫘 Kidney Bean – A symbol linked to incel culture, sometimes mocking women.

💯 100 Emoji – Tied to the “80/20 rule,” the belief that 80% of women are only attracted to 20% of men.

🕳️ Black Hole – Used to express depression, hopelessness, or being sucked into negative online spaces.

🌪️ Tornado – Represents chaos or feeling overwhelmed, sometimes used to indicate mental distress.

🐸 Frog Emoji – Associated with alt-right and extremist meme culture, often linked to Pepe the Frog, which has been co-opted by some toxic online groups.

🦅 Eagle – A symbol of extreme nationalism, sometimes used in far-right online spaces.

💀 Skull – While often just slang for “that’s funny” or “I’m dead (from laughing),” in certain groups, it can signal darker themes like nihilism or self-harm.

❤️ 💜 💛 💗 🧡 Heart Colours – Not just about love!

❤️ = Love

💜 = Lust

💛 = “Are you interested?”

💗 = Interested but not in s*x

🧡 = “You’ll be okay”

So what should parents do?

1️⃣ Get Curious, Not Combative – Ask open-ended questions: “I saw something about emojis meaning different things. Have you heard of this?” Keep the conversation light.

2️⃣ Create a Judgment-Free Zone – If your child feels like they’ll be punished for opening up, they won’t. Make it clear you’re there to listen, not just lecture.

3️⃣ Decode Together – Ask them to explain their digital world. What do different symbols mean? Who are the influencers they follow? Don’t assume—ask.

4️⃣ Teach Critical Thinking – Help them question online content. “Why do you think some groups push this idea? Who benefits?” Arm them with questions, not just rules.

5️⃣ Monitor Without Spying – Open conversations work better than secret surveillance. Make checking in on their online spaces a normal part of parenting, not a crisis move.

6️⃣ Be Real About Manipulation – Explain how toxic online groups groom young people by making them feel special, included, or like they have ‘insider knowledge.’

7️⃣ Build Their Offline Confidence – The more they feel valued and confident in the real world, the less they’ll seek validation in dangerous online spaces.

The digital world is evolving faster than most adults can keep up. But we don’t have to be in the dark.

If this conversation hits home, it’s time to go deeper.

At Manhood Academy Global, we don’t just talk about the dangers—we equip young people and parents to navigate them.

🔥 Start with You Made A Promise – A powerful call to action for parents with children in crisis, reminding them that raising a child is more than survival—it’s a promise that must be kept.

🔥 Then read 22+1 Laws of the Master Teacher – A must-read for anyone mentoring, teaching, or guiding young people. Learn the principles that shape powerful leaders and educators.

Because if we do not initiate the child into the village, he will burn it down just to feel the warmth.

Credit: Davis J Wilson

19/03/2025

A VERY accurate and reasonable response to the new Netflix smash, Adolescence.

Have you watched it yet??

As both a parent of teens and a professional who focuses on teens, it's hard to reason with the reality of how much distance, disconnection and dissociation we've managed to create in a matter of ONE generation....

What are your thoughts and responses to the show?? Did you watch it alongside your own teens?? What are their thoughts and responses, too??

Adolescence – A Reflection on the Netflix Series

I was on the verge of tears and deeply challenged by what I was watching. The new Netflix series Adolescence starkly highlights the disconnect between generations and how drastically different the landscape is for kids today compared to how we grew up. From the language of emoticons and manosphere references to the inescapable bullying that once ended at the school gates but now follows them home through their screens, today's youth are navigating a world that feels almost unrecognisable.

Our children learn mostly through observation – and what they’re observing today is bleak. The insidiousness of p**n culture has crept into every corner of their lives, normalising misogyny, distorting relationships, and shaping their behaviours in the most harmful ways. This is not just about “bad influences” – it’s about an entire ecosystem of toxic messaging that seeps into their daily existence, unchecked and unchallenged.

The scenes between Jamie, the young boy accused of murder, and the child psychologist hit me the hardest. Even with an understanding of cultural influences and the way they hijack healthy child development, I felt as shaken as the therapist portrayed when forced to confront it head-on. I felt angry at 13-year-old Jamie, scared of him at times, but mostly, I felt brokenhearted. This child is a product of the culture we have created – a reflection of what we have allowed to flourish. Adolescence may be fictional, but it may as well have been a documentary.

The last line spoken by Jamie’s father, “I’m sorry, son. I should’ve done better,” is not just an admission of personal failure – it’s a challenge to all of us. We need to do better.

04/03/2025

❤️

I Experienced something very traumatic last week (Trigger Warning: Depression/ su***de content).... i was a first responder to a young man who had taken his own life…He was an 18 year old, european who lived near me…an extremely sad situation...ive left out details bcus i understand how heavy, sensitive and triggering this topic is…The whanau expressed their full support in me posting something to help raise more awareness on this Taniwha…I feel so sorry for the family...us and the neighbours have been getting around the whanau during this time…

i had been finding it difficult to sleep and process everything...but over the last week ive recieved heaps of messages from First responders/ Ambulance/ fire fighters, Police etc, and people who have been through similar experiences - your advice has been EXTREMELY helpful this last week..

I also had alot of people ask me to share any advice or tips i recieve from first responders etc about trauma, to be clear im NO EXPERT & dont pretend to be, just sharing some advice i recieved that helped ME. so here were the main tips i found helpful in dealing with TRAUMA:

1. TALK. Dont bottle it in, get it out, talk to trusted, non judgemental people in your sphere.
2. ACKNOWLEDGE the very real impact of experiencing a traumatic event, and allow yourself to FEEL. and be patient with your feelings.
3. FLASHBACKS etc are a natural part of processing, triggering from smells, places, words etc are very real and best to be helped with professional therapy or help.
4. ALLOW your body & Cnervous system to recover…so REST is important.
5. Karakia, and Whakawātea, purea etc at the moana has been really helpful for me.
6. Utilize all the resources out there available, victim support, and theres a good website “Aoketera” which was good too.
7. SELF CARE: Do things that you enjoy doing, for me i went out diving and fishing which was really helpful.
8. SEEK PROFESSIONAL help.

Theres so much more help out there and everyone processes things differently and at different paces which MUST be respected.

In light of this and many other things, im going to be sharing my story again of going through depression and a suicidal point in my life 10 years ago bcus i know there is real power in sharing our story...as always doing it in the hope of helping people who maybe struggling letting them know they are not alone, and there is always hope..

Lastly…i want to encourage everyone to change the narrative…we always tell people who are struggling “Reach out bro, im here if you need me”, but the reality is - when your suffering from depression etc, reaching out is the LAST thing you feel like doing..its far more effective for us on the outside to REACH IN to those around, no matter wether they look happy or sad, because masking is part of the issue making it impossible at times to read any signs...so REACH IN to your mates…REACH IN to your happy mate, your sad mate, your successful mate, your rangatira mate, your poor mate, your quiet mate, your loud-life of the party mate, your “hes tha man” mate, your intelligent mate…reach out….REACH IN…much luv e te iwi❤️🙏🏾

COMMENTERS: BE KIND!!! Please keep your comments positive & constructive, its a heavy, sensitive topic, any negative, abusive comments will be deleted immediately! KIA ATAWHAI KI TE IWI KATOA. ❤️🙏🏾

02/03/2025

Heeeey wonderful FB fam 👋🏼 if you're not already, come and follow us on Instagram!!

We're going to be phasing out of FB with less and less posting here, simply because managing so many socials is tiring and we value our energy.
SO, please join us over on The Gram - would LOVE to see you there!! 🧡

https://www.instagram.com/raisingamazingteenswithcharli?igsh=MXY5Y2xjamM0dGk0Mg==

____________________
Trauma-informed coaching & support for ALL family dynamics.
WWW.CHARLIMCLACHLAN.COM

24/02/2025

🧡 There's certainly no One Right Way when it comes to raising our kids BUT being intentional is a damn good start!!
• intentional about your values
• intentional about communication
• intentional about how you show love
• intentional about boundaries
• intentional about how you connect
• intentional about how you nourish

THREE things I'm intentionally non-negotiable about regarding raising amazing teens, include:

● TECHNOLOGY ●
❌️ no phones or technology in bedrooms overnight or in the toilet (while at home).
❌️ no talking to strangers on the internet.
✅️ check in FIRST before downloading an app or game, or adding a friend.
✅️ talk to kids about the dangers and how easy and accessible they are, and what to do if something happens (EG sent a n**e, asked for a pic, threatened or stalked etc)
(Amongst a few other tech rules!!)

● SHAME-FREE ●
❌️ I don't punish! It's not even in our vocabulary. I do operate from a place of correcting hurtful behaviour, I communicate clearly, and absolutely discipline (which simply means to "teach"!), and of course, consequences take their natural course.
✅️ we use ALL the words - the body words, the puberty words, the s*x words, the swear words, the emotion words, the real words, the facts, the questions, and the honest answers.
LOTS of them!
It's ALL welcome; never scorned, never shamed.

● BOUNDARIES ●
✅️ we have rules and boundaries in our family, these are clearly communicated, always come with a reason, are always open for healthy discussion,
✅️ AND these have permission to change and grow as the kids and their needs change and grow.
❌️ we don't have a 'my house my rules' mentality, because it's OUR house, however we do have open and clear communication, boundaries, and safe space to express needs and foster discussion.

What are some of YOUR family non-negotiables??? 👇🏽
______________________
🧡 Trauma-informed coaching & support for all family dynamics.

WWW.CHARLIMCLACHLAN.COM