03/10/2025
🌿 A Reflection on Advocacy & Our Fight Ahead 🌿
It is not often that a parent raising a child with disabilities is willing to openly accept advice. But recently, I met a mother raising a child with severe disabilities as well as ADHD, and our kōrero was one I will not forget.
She spoke about the deep emotional toll of parenting an autistic child — how it left her feeling unloved, disconnected, and physically and emotionally drained. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her child, but that the daily challenges had worn her down in ways few outsiders could truly understand. Hearing her honesty was humbling, and my heart ached for her.
What this reminded me is that autism and ADHD bring very different struggles.
Autism is lifelong, complex, and often misunderstood. The emotional and physical exhaustion for parents is very real, as they fight for connection and understanding in the midst of relentless challenges.
ADHD is different. It is a behavioural disorder where behaviours can be learned, managed, and changed — with the right tools and supports in place.
And while both conditions deserve empathy and support, they cannot be treated as if they are the same. What works for one does not work for the other, and when systems lump them together, parents and children alike are left without the help they actually need.
The disabilities community deserves to be seen, heard, and supported in the way they need — nothing less.
And perhaps, for these changes to finally happen, it will take an outside view to bring the solutions forward. After being trapped in the chaos for so long, unheard for so long, their voices have often become dismissed or seen as irritating to the very systems they are seeking support from. Just as Māori grievances and ongoing concerns can irritate some, even when they are based on real injustices, the same is true for the disabilities community.
Their struggle is no less real — it only shows how urgently a fresh, listening ear is needed.