26/06/2025
I’ve waited two years to talk about this…
Nothing has been the same since I came back from the Solomon Islands in 2023.
I’m only now beginning to find words for what happened. The truth? I almost didn’t go. I was burnt out. Flattened. Considering antidepressants. I didn’t know how I was going to get there, but something in me knew I had to go.
And what I met there, in the jungle, in the heat, in the people, in the slowness…was a truth I couldn’t unsee. I’d been running my business from fear. From hustle. From comparison. From scarcity. I’d been trying to compete in the world of cacao like it was some kind of race, and it was exhausting. I betrayed my own rhythm. I got swept up in the noise.
At the end of my jungle trip, I fell off the map — quite literally. Utterly burnt out, I unplugged from the Western grid, and dropped into something ancient and alive. I met Mother Earth and my body in her fullness. I met the Divine Feminine in a way that cracked me open. I danced with my darkness and purged lifetimes of shame, rage and guilt. And my body loved it. My anxiety started to dissolve. My depression lifted. I started to feel whole. Nourished. Re-membered.
That cacao jungle trip truly broke the spell.
But nothing made sense anymore. It was confusing. Confronting. The way I used to “do” business didn’t fit. The formulas didn’t work. I couldn’t force things the way I used to. I’ve been deep in the mystery ever since…listening, waiting, wintering.
I’ve been quieter. Slower. Simpler. I’ve stopped outsourcing my healing. I’ve stopped consuming as much. I’ve started backing my own wisdom - the wisdom of a woman nearing 50, the wisdom of a homeopathic practitioner who’s lived some things.
And I can say this now, hand over heart: I run my business in a much more feminine way. It’s messier. More intuitive. More cyclical. It requires so much trust. So much surrender. And often? No action. (Which my inner perfectionist and people-pleaser find deeply confronting.)
But there’s aliveness here. There’s realness. And pleasure. And play. And a sense of liberation. The Pacific gifted me a blueprint I can’t unfeel - one rooted in deep, wild love.
I don’t fully know what’s coming next. My relationship to cacao is evolving, softening, deepening. And I don’t want to go back to the old way of sharing it.
So I’m asking you, my Mamamuti community:
✨ Is there a feeling you’d like to share space with me in, inside this new way of being?
✨ What would that look like for you?
And to my fellow feminine business owners out there - how are you doing? Are you also finding that the old ways aren’t working anymore? That the hustle doesn’t fit? That there’s something quieter, more rooted calling you forward?
Let’s talk. I’m listening.
With cacao in my heart and mud on my feet,
Irma 🤎
www.mamamuti.com
