Black Sheep Retreat

24/04/2026

Quite often it’s for the money or control over a person. Get out as soon as you see those red flags. Financial abuse is real and it happens more than we think.

A not-so-fun fact for : you’re more likely to experience financial abuse by a romantic partner than win the lottery.

Financial abuse looks like:

💸 Controlling how and when money is spent (including your paycheck)
💸 Forcing you to sign or forging your name on financial documents
💸 Preventing you from having a job or going to school
💸 Hiding or stealing your money, credit cards, public assistance card or valuable things
💸 Running up debts in your name to ruin your credit

Economic independence is the biggest predictor of whether a survivor will break free from the cycle of abuse, because when a survivor has no money, bad credit and can’t get a job, they are more likely to stay with or return to an abusive partner.

Our Economic Empowerment Program was created to bring financial freedom within reach for survivors of DV, through job readiness workshops, skill-building sessions and career panels. Look in the comments for more information.

[Image description: A picture of purple money with the following words: “Financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. And it can impact a survivor’s financial stability years after they leave an abusive partner.]

24/04/2026

Most don’t even speak up because of the fear they have about doing so. So for a victim of abuse to start, is a big big deal and should never be attacked when doing their best to protect themselves and others too.

When someone comes forward, people often try to attack the very notion of speaking up and assume they have ulterior motives. This is especially cruel considering that, in reality, oftentimes the opposite is true.

For example, people believe that survivors speak out, report, or file lawsuits purely for money, when research shows that key motivators are things such as justice, closure, and protecting others. In reality, the individual costs (e.g. therapy, medical, relocation, legal, career) far outweigh anything a the vast majority of survivors will ever receive.

If questioning the motive of someone sharing their story is your default response, we encourage you to take a moment to learn more about the truth regarding sexual violence by visiting Survivors.org, or checking out the rest of our profile.

24/04/2026

So good! Giving ourselves grace and compassion after everything we have been through does wonders for the nervous system, mind, body and soul.

We’re not broken. We’re human. 🤍🕊️🌸

Your nervous system does not need healing.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently because I’m seeing so much online around trauma, the nervous system and healing and of course, this is the work I do every single day so I love that more people are talking about it BUT there’s one phrase I keep seeing that just isn’t actually accurate and as I’m trained in all this, I just want to maybe educate a bit.

“Heal your nervous system.”

Now healing absolutely matters and it is a pathway we move along but when we say we need to “heal” the nervous system itself, it implies that there is something wrong with us, like we are somehow broken and need fixing.

I remember being in that place where I was doing all the things I thought I “should” be doing, therapy, talking, trying to think differently and when it didn’t seem to work, I made it mean something about me. That I wasn’t trying hard enough and that I was the problem. I actually felt a huge amount a shame that something was wrong with me!

But your nervous system isn’t the problem. Your nervous system isn’t “broken” and it has never been broken.

Your nervous system is actually working incredibly hard FOR you. It has learned nervous system responses over time to keep you safe and to protect you from pain, especially emotional pain like not feeling good enough or not feeling important or lovable. So when you feel overwhelmed, anxious or shut down, that isn’t dysfunction, that is actually protection.

So instead of asking, “How do I heal my nervous system?” Start holding curiosity, asking “How do I build the capacity to be with what I’m feeling?”

Because that is the work I do personally and with my clients. It’s not about chasing calm or trying to fix yourself. It’s about building capacity so that you can stay present in the middle of the stress, the pressure, the emotions without tipping into overwhelm or shutdown.

Capacity is everything because when you build capacity you can receive more, hold more and create more whether that is personally or professionally.

It’s the difference between feeling like life is constantly too much and feeling like you can actually handle what’s in front of you even if it’s hard!! This doesn’t come from forcing your nervous system to be calm, it comes from understanding it, getting curious about it and supporting it in a way that feels safe.

So yes, healing is part of the journey.

But your nervous system doesn’t need healing in the way you might have been led to believe. It needs understanding, it needs compassion and most importantly, it needs you to build the capacity to be with yourself in a completely different way.

That’s when things really start to change and let me tell you, THIS work is life changing

24/04/2026

🤍 You will never hear another persons voice more than you will hear your own… So be intentional about the way that you talk to you.

😝There is power in the tongue.
~Proverbs18:21

23/04/2026

Lilly from Bethany Gardens

23/04/2026

22/04/2026

🧠 My 2 fave things to talk about!
📖 Neuroscience and scripture!

What if 5 minutes a day could start changing the way your mind thinks?In this video, we explore a powerful connection between Bible wisdom and neuroscience. ...

22/04/2026

Beautiful story of resilience! ☀️🌈
Sounds very familiar. Especially the falling into DV a second time. Thanks Lisa's Sanctuary!!
Love your work. 🕊️🕊️

22/04/2026

Narcissistic Psychological Warfare has a pattern. It has stages. It has a documented impact on the brain. And for the first time, there is a legal framework that maps every single part of it and builds the evidence that what was done to you was not a relationship gone wrong. It was a calculated attack.

Survivors have spent years being told they are too sensitive, too emotional, too difficult to believe. They have sat in courtrooms and watched judges dismiss what they lived through because the law had no category for it.

They have left therapy appointments feeling more confused than when they arrived because even the people trained to help them did not have the language for this kind of harm.

That language exists now!!!!!!! Yay!

Voiceless No More: The Legal War on Narcissistic Abuse by Daniel Ryan Cotler is the book that built it. It names the stages of the abuse, defines the neurological damage, and hands survivors a framework they can bring into every room where their credibility has ever been questioned.

You were not imagining it. You were not overreacting. And the law is beginning to catch up to what you already know.

Voiceless No More: The Legal War on Narcissistic Abuse is available now on Amazon

22/04/2026

Love this encouragement!

🧠 1. Constant Stress Response (Survival Mode)

When someone is repeatedly criticized, insulted, or gaslighted, the brain goes into chronic fight-or-flight mode.

* The amygdala (fear center) becomes overactive
* The body releases stress hormones like cortisol
* You feel anxious, on edge, or afraid of saying the “wrong thing”

👉 Over time, the brain starts expecting danger—even in normal situations.

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🧠 2. Damage to Self-Identity (Prefrontal Cortex Impact)

The part of the brain responsible for decision-making and self-worth (prefrontal cortex) gets weakened.

* You start doubting your own judgment
* You second-guess yourself constantly
* You may feel “I’m not good enough” or “maybe they’re right”

👉 This is why victims often lose confidence and independence.

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🧠 3. Memory & Confusion (Hippocampus Shrinks)

Chronic emotional abuse can affect the hippocampus, which controls memory.

* You may feel confused or forget things
* Gaslighting makes you question reality
* You struggle to trust your own memories

👉 This is not weakness—it’s neurological overload.

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🧠 4. Trauma Bonding (Addiction-Like Pattern)

The brain can become chemically attached to the abuser.

* Occasional kindness releases dopamine (reward chemical)
* Abuse creates pain → then relief → then attachment
* This creates a cycle similar to addiction

👉 That’s why leaving feels so hard, even when you know it’s toxic.

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🧠 5. Emotional Numbing or Hyper-Sensitivity

Victims often develop one of two patterns:

* Numbing: feeling empty, detached, shut down
* Hyper-reactivity: crying easily, panic, emotional overwhelm

👉 Both are survival responses, not personality flaws.

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🧠 6. Internalized Voice of the Abuser

Eventually, the abuser’s words become your inner voice.

* “You’re not enough”
* “You’re too sensitive”
* “No one else will want you”

👉 Even when they’re not there, their voice continues inside your mind.

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Important Truth

This is not permanent brain damage.

The brain has neuroplasticity—it can heal, rewire, and rebuild.

With distance, support, and the right environment:

* Confidence returns
* Clarity comes back
* Emotional stability improves