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11/02/2024

Narcissists will find the craziest ways to assert power and control, and gaslight the hell out of you to do it.

11/02/2024

Good lad 🌟 do what you believe 💭

03/02/2024

An extremely important reminder that Narcissists are severley damaged people that want to drive us to the point of insanity by getting into our heads with their actions and words.

From my Book - Greg Zaffuto - Author - From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Between-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B01CSR72IA/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1O2XF81O2IDV&keywords=from%20charm%20to%20harm&qid=1691683117&s=digital-text&sprefix=from%20charm%20to%20%2Cdigital-text%2C115&sr=1-1&fbclid=IwAR3OgMtc2Du9st4KZH_oDrOmCEwmjeRcFyxNOLdcuSkfUJV5eSQPqb1yWtk

The Narcissist’s actions are meant to leave us in a very confused and vulnerable state, one that makes us challenge our own mind and reality and then pull us further into the abuse. You/we throw reality, our intuition, and everything that we know to be true right out the window. Your persona has been eroded by the many mixed messages and confusion that a Narcissist creates and has created (in the past) with so many other situations just like this. A narcissist sets this in motion with purpose and intent. The confusion keeps you frozen in time, vulnerable and blind to the reality that they are managing you down. This is the method to their madness to keep you/us right there with these distorted messages while they are away securing other supply, betraying you or whatever they have going on. You are left isolated and attacking your own reality through their words and actions. They start the abuse, and you finish it by going through the motions of blaming yourself and trying to make sense out of this darkness they left you in. REMEMBER the Narcissist preceded this horrendous managing down (devaluation) with their ‘love bombing.’ In the beginning we saw it (and still see it) as a viable relationship, but in fact it was part of their agenda to gain our trust first, then objectify us to harvest supply. An object just needs to be what it is and serve a purpose. If it doesn’t function in this capacity it is replaced. We aren’t objects but the Narcissist purposely manages us down to become one!

Once the Narcissist plants the intended chaos in your mind you tender it, fertilize it, and allow it to grow in order to make sense of it all. They purposely want to isolate you with their distortions to disable you. Without resolution or their presence, you are only in a debate with yourself. With their distancing and silence, you end up believing that their lack of contact is proof positive that what they have said is real to them and somehow you ARE the problem, and you must source this out with so many distorted thoughts of your own to bring about some sort of reconciliation. They will go as far as adding more insult to your injury if you should attempt to contact them by flatly refusing to give in. They may embellish the situation even more by posting something on a social site as if they are enjoying a great day or perhaps even being with someone you may not even know. It is not unusual for you to look at their social site page because you are in a relationship with them. But once there you see some of the craziest posts, pictures, likes, etc., that are meant to confound you more and reinforce their crazy making. You are now deeper into this and your goal is to fix it at all costs because now it seems to be threatening the relationship completely. You have been completely managed down and believing that YOU ARE THE PROBLEM even when there is no basis or truth to it! Narcissistic terrorism (psychological and emotional abuse) to control you completely! Greg

03/02/2024

CLARITY is our strength and superpower in breaking the cycle of abuse and finding our way back to a healthy life! Silencing, subduing, muzzling, and isolating or the mechanics behind THE SILENT TREATMENT - or the Narcissist's prison they create to lock up your heart and mind in chaos and confusion. It is one of the MANY tools they use to manipulate, malign, and control every situation to avoid ANY dissention from their victims? A Narcissist is completely pathological in every single aspect of how they relate to the people and world around them because it is ALL ABOUT MANIPULATION, CONTROL, and POWER!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto - Author - From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Between-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B01CSR72IA/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1O2XF81O2IDV&keywords=from%20charm%20to%20harm&qid=1691683117&s=digital-text&sprefix=from%20charm%20to%20%2Cdigital-text%2C115&sr=1-1&fbclid=IwAR3OgMtc2Du9st4KZH_oDrOmCEwmjeRcFyxNOLdcuSkfUJV5eSQPqb1yWtk

So, to start, a simple definition - pathological - when a person behaves in extreme and unacceptable ways, because they have extremely powerful feelings which they cannot and will not control. A Narcissist is pathological with their lies, deception, manipulation, gaslighting, controlling, harming, pitting people against each other, isolating, SILENCING, and ABUSING people to get what they want!

Let’s define these Narcissists and their pathological ways! Their world is completely delusional, one in which they do not allow individuality because they are absolute rulers (dictators) in that world. The unfortunate fact is that a Narcissist needs people in their lives to SURVIVE but they just do not ‘like’ or ‘relate’ to people, so it is a hideous, demeaning, debasing, ANGRY, and abusive coexistence that we get TRAPPED into. They do not have ‘relationships’ by any normal means, they live among us like zombies that are after our brains or our ability to function normally because they attack our thought processes with extreme measures like gas-lighting, fear, brainwashing, manipulation, and betrayal – ALL extremely abusive measures.

Remember this ALWAYS -- Narcissists ONLY relate to other human beings as objects. You know objects, the things to use and abuse for self-serving purposes. Things that have no rights, things that are inanimate, things that have no feelings, things that can be easily replaced – perhaps a good example would be like a tool that performs a certain function – and each of us are just one of MANY of these “tools” that they USE.

A Narcissist lacks all social graces in the most extreme ways because underneath their ‘seductive’ façade, they do not honor any human rights, respect individuality, or obey any written law. They live life in an extremely pathological and abusive manner. They imitate a functioning human being and take everything they want and need through some extreme and manipulative methods. They also get bored easily with their conquests SINCE they lack the mechanisms to form healthy bonds (and decisions), so they STRAY very easily to keep the excitement and adulation flowing in their world. Now it is bad enough they are life’s extortionist, but they also seem to loathe all healthy, happy, and loving people that would dare express their individuality, question them, or demand accountability, so they lose their patience with us quickly and psychologically attack our minds in an effort to destroy our life as we know it.

This behavior is damaging, and it puts you on edge or walking on “eggshells.” You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what is expected of you. You become hyper vigilant, sensitive, confused, and controlled waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood – YOU DON’T EVER KNOW WHAT TO DO, SAY, OR HOW TO act so you constantly stay SILENT, isolated, and in this state of confusion or basically existing as a shell of the person you were – the one that HAD a real personality, as well as loved and lived a normal, fun and loving existence. They take that and play with it, manipulate it, destroy it, and alter you so what is left is not a person, it is a prisoner of their abuse. It is control to keep you constantly disabled.

Unreasonable expectations and demands are put onto you so you feel like you have to ALWAYS put YOUR needs aside to tend to their needs and you always feel incomplete with your own PERSONAL needs as well as participation/interactions in this relationship or connection to them (if it is a ‘love’ relationship, friendship, co-worker, family, etc., or any and all of the above) – somewhere you are LOST in all of this. You are basically TOLD or manipulated into what you must to do or else it is wrong, and the situation will fall apart, so you just give in. But no matter how much you give, it is never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you do not fulfill all of this person's needs and you could NEVER fulfil the Narcissists needs.

Like any other bully you have to disengage from the Narcissist because if you don’t, they will only attack you in unimaginable ways to destroy your integrity as well as your life – they have to win the battle they have with life, people and essentially the WHOLE world! You will ‘seemingly’ end up being the crazy one and the abuser because they will make you out to be everything bad/wrong just like a psycho bully would react to remove any blame from themselves and pass it onto you, basically their backstabbing and smear campaign. Not a very pretty package at all. Just always remember, you have not done ANYTHING wrong to deserve this because they don’t function like other human beings. They don’t even have a clue what liking, caring or LOVING is so they live without it by pretending they know it, but you CAN’T pretend to care or love especially when you have no morals, and it catches up with the Narcissist very quickly.

Connecting with OR living with someone like this is tremendously destructive to your psyche and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly confused, frightened, unsettled and off balance. THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS! The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity which again makes you begin to think you are crazy or losing your mind (again gas-lighting.) Narcissists are always making you reflect upon your weaknesses (real and imagined) and pointing them out and also making you believe you are losing it or you have many issues all in an effort to take you down as low as they can. That is tough and shrewd manipulation that a Narcissist uses to win this war they have with people and life. It is like being in a maze that constantly shifts, and changes and you just keep wandering around looking for that door that takes you out and back to a peaceful reality – you will never find it until you kick those walls down and get out of the endless maze of abuse! No/minimal contact to move forward into a healthy lifestyle and world. Narcissists smother the life out of all people and situations. Take your power back by disallowing any of their emotional and psychological manipulation or chaos in your life again because THAT is all there is to their abusive agenda and NOTHING more! Knowledge and education provide clarity and THAT becomes our superpower to move forward with recovery. Be safe out there my friends! Greg

15/01/2024

WHY DON’T PEOPLE TAKE OUR STORIES ABOUT ABUSE SERIOUSLY? Something we often wonder about and question is WHY people find our stories about our abuser so incredulous? We must look back and remember that we also believed these abusers in the beginning because they are so adept at their con jobs because appearances are imperative to their functionality and survival. They are whatever they NEED to be to any given person, so a Narcissist is MANY different personalities – so people ONLY see what they have experienced.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Between-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B01CSR72IA/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1O2XF81O2IDV&keywords=from%20charm%20to%20harm&qid=1691683117&s=digital-text&sprefix=from%20charm%20to%20%2Cdigital-text%2C115&sr=1-1&fbclid=IwAR3OgMtc2Du9st4KZH_oDrOmCEwmjeRcFyxNOLdcuSkfUJV5eSQPqb1yWtk

Narcissists charm people to death (figuratively) and this is what literally attracts us to them. But with a Narcissist it is a magnetism that makes you feel a sort of hypnotizing attraction that manifests itself in your psyche and your soul! In reality you are being charmed by their power of REFLECTING back everything that is YOU creating this intoxicating and deep-rooted bond. This intense connection is created when a person gives you the feeling like you’ve known them a long time, soul mates, or you feel very safe with them – perhaps you have known them in a prior life or whatever fantasy belief that Narcissist has instilled in your mind.

A Narcissist creatively figures out some unique and impressive angle quickly, and one that few people would ever engage in. Basically, they are manipulating your emotions. Narcissists can typically outsmart almost everybody because they abuse something so very familiar to normal people – and that is empathy, care, and even love – who could refuse any of that. They are always ten steps ahead of you, so much so that it is uncanny. They are very QUICK with these unique approaches and “BAM” they have swept you off of your feet and keep you there. What else is there to do but bask in the glow of this unique relationship! You are undeniably intrigued by everything about them. When your relationship sours because the ugly truth rears itself with a Narcissist, you better duck for cover and be ready for a whole lot of damage control.

A skillful Narcissist can tell anybody and everybody a great story just like reciting a well-known fairy tale because they are some of the greatest storytellers. They can weave fictional tales and lies into a complex story about themselves. They mesmerize you with amazing facts, statistics, trivia, history of events, to the point that you feel overwhelmed and just amazed at their acuity and accuracy. They are always the center of these stories, often re-writing their personal history, and lying to embellish the stories. One thing you can say is that they are hardly boring with their accounts of their amazing world and life – BUT they are seriously using all of that like a venomous snake camouflaging itself to trap its prey before it strikes. Yes Narcissists do strike – or better yet abuse. Greg

15/01/2024

WINNER OF THE ACADEMY AWARD FOR BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR PRETENDING TO BE A VICTIM...THE NARCISSIST!

15/01/2024

Narcissists are shameless self-promoters AND experts at carving out the perfect (false) image for themselves so that they can fit into ANY scenario to get at what they want. They use our precious emotions to manipulate us into their world and then take everything they can!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto - Author - From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Between-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B01CSR72IA/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1O2XF81O2IDV&keywords=from%20charm%20to%20harm&qid=1691683117&s=digital-text&sprefix=from%20charm%20to%20%2Cdigital-text%2C115&sr=1-1&fbclid=IwAR3OgMtc2Du9st4KZH_oDrOmCEwmjeRcFyxNOLdcuSkfUJV5eSQPqb1yWtk

They just fake it whenever possible or cheat their way through life and that includes faking love, relationships OR anything and everything to get at what they want. Many, if not all Narcissists get away with psychological terrorism and they murder their targets self-esteem, mind, and soul. Be it bullying, slander, backstabbing, triangulation, or ANY of the tools in their arsenal of abuse. The things that they do should be prosecutable offenses, but they do this all of their lives and get away with it. So just how do they do it all without any consequences AND why do people believe them? WELL, first off because the Narcissist KNOWS that they are creating outrageous and dehumanizing acts against people and humanity, so they also think up ways to avoid the consequences, especially because of what they fear the most or EXPOSURE! They create an impenetrable fortress with other forms of lies, manipulation and an army of minions that will sing their praises. Supply is many things even their little soldiers that protect them. THAT and they will completely destroy the integrity of any person that catches on to them.

So, what goes on in the omnipotent Narcissists distorted version of life? There is no such thing as a POSITIVE value judgment, truth, or reality as it concerns any other human being on this planet – people are merely living objects for a Narcissist to use abuse and discard at will. Normal people respect all life, but a Narcissist does not see life as worthy of THEIR respect, nor do they follow any rules, regulations, or obey any laws. So, by treating others as unworthy (and blaming them) the Narcissist is acting as if they are beneath ANY reprieve for their actions, and we are totally insignificant, very disposable, and infinitely less important than the all-important Narcissist. A Narcissist has no more regard for us than a person that steps on and squashes a poor bug that is minding its own bug business on the ground. Basically, and unequivocally, we are nothing and the Narcissist is everything in their world and they protect their standing at all costs even if it means total destruction of an individual that threatens their accountability! You must always remember that the Narcissist has many other relationships going on as well so there is always a source of supply on the side to replace you as a friend, partner, etc. No one relationship is as real as it seems (or seemed) or has any of the significance we placed on it – especially as it concerned caring or loving them and the Narcissist caring or loving us back! People are extensions of the Narcissist or the working mechanisms that keep the ‘Narcissist machine’ running and there are always spares when any single part of it breaks down.

The Narcissist is really re-enacting or projecting the distorted and hateful images that live inside of them ONTO US because they constantly come to the surface in their world as envy and they MUST dump them on to everybody. The Narcissist is the eternal victim in this world, and they blame the world for everything so they can live their out-of-control and perverse lifestyle AND justify it. They pathologically compensate for whatever got them to their dark place and make everybody pay for it. They are so demeaning with their value judgments that live on the surface of that thin skin they wear to hide the dark soul inside of them. Once they have lured you in with the CHARM trap watch out because the HARM is sure to follow. Perhaps this is how the Narcissist so easily edits the real and shameful image of him/herself. They can fortify it by reflecting (projecting) it back onto the world with that contemptuous eye they have for everybody they meet. To me it does not matter what got that Narcissist to where they are, because they are abusers plain and simple and destroy lives. It is not my or anyone else’s responsibility after being psychologically kicked in the head (and purposely) to the point of severe damage to use any justification that abuse was OK. We have all been bullied in life and dealt with hurt, but we cognitively grew up to respect people and life and not take it out on people - the Narcissist does not respect ANY life, nor do they want to change, nor do they care.

So, what a Narcissist puts into motion is pathologically treating us like dirt and maligning us behind our backs to control and destroy us. They are predators that are pre-loaded with delusion, psychopathy, and abuse – they just put a mask on to hide it all. This seriously puts Narcissists in their own special class with Psychopaths or like a branch from the same Psychopath tree. The class of people who do not wish you, me, or any other human being any sense of well-being, no matter what or how friendly, caring or loving their façade or mask is. This is the same class of predators as physical, sexual or ANY other kind of abusive predator and Narcissists are just as dangerous. Seriously we MUST internalize Narcissists really are predators and dangerous, but many people just do not appreciate the true meaning or the reality of Narcissistic abuse basically letting it in one ear and out the other as the saying goes!

Some simple logic! A Narcissist is not acting on any normal human premise. All the Narcissist is doing is playing (manipulating) you for the reaction he/she wants to control and abuse you. The truth is irrelevant to a Narcissist because they do not even know what ‘truth’ is. Truth or lies, it is all irrelevant to the Narcissist, so whatever works for them and that is usually lies – they are ONE BIG LIE. They are with us for ONE reason only ‘objectification” and we are there to serve them as Narcissistic supply and that is it. Why do they create the huge production with the entire love bombing - to gain our trust first so they can gain access to our head, heart and life and get at that precious supply they need so badly? It is ONLY a working relationship as far as they are concerned and NOT one that has any benefits for us. We are none the wiser, PLUS they gain access to our trusting nature and then attack us by preying on our emotional vulnerabilities to drive the psychological abuse to a point that can and will disable us. But do not forget they were so good at that CHARM and we were singing their praises at first while they were destroying our integrity behind our backs – they were that good at their game. So, when you start telling the truth more than likely you will hear, “I thought you were in love with him/her the way you were talking how great he/she was”.

So, to support this let us just say it would be more correct to say that there is no such thing as truth to a Narcissist, because there is no such thing as truth when you are playing pretend with the whole world and conning everybody in it. They even routinely fool and manipulate family, mental healthcare professionals, teachers, law enforcement, judges, social workers, OR you name it, and they can fool them. Really builds up a strong case that these critters are everywhere in our world! It is not a matter of their intelligence by any means it is a matter of practice and experience - and they have a lifetime of this experience because it is really their survival. You CAN’T always trust an institution or organization to filter out the personality disordered Narcissists either because they are just that good at getting behind a job that makes them seem to be goodness personified and they will use this guise to abuse also. The Narcissist I knew has been associated with these ‘social work’ organizations for a lifetime and that is very discerning to know.

So, to put it all in a nutshell Narcissists are expert con artists - here are some red flags to look out for. They put on a conspicuous display of goodness and kindness but in reality, there is NOTHING to back it up. They damage the images of many people. They have a consistent history of past upheavals. They seem to be disliked or hated for mysterious reasons by people close to them. They exhibit unnatural and perplexing behavior or backward reactions to things. They are control freaks, trampling on other people’s privacy and personal boundaries. They are extremely self-absorbed. They have a hostile reaction to attention and credit given others. They rage very easily. They are very private and dismissive about the particulars of ANY situation especially as it concerns them personally.

So, if you get to know a Narcissist's history, you will usually see a track record of destruction followed by mysterious upheavals in their life – but the Narcissist will lie and blame every other person, and citing every possible excuse they can. Narcissists really keep their past separated from the present and the future. Never be silent about this abuse because too many people have been harmed by these creatures – even their own biological children and family. If they are forced out of the darkness, and made accountable for their actions, they would be forced to stop their abuse or run like the cowards they really are and maybe live with other Narcissists in a world so full of chaos and crazy making that they would no longer need us to support their delusional world. That was just a bad attempt at some humor because a Narcissist could not live in a world where other Narcissists were controlling THEM and using THEM for supply because without it they couldn’t survive. No/minimal contact! Greg