04/03/2025
It's all about perspectives.
Two weeks ago, a 24yo female patient came in to my clinic to seek treatment for an early stage lymphoma that was curable. She was eager to have treatment and wanted to start ASAP. After throughly discussing her diagnosis and our treatment goals, I proceeded with the basics of chemotherapy, and it's possible side effects -we stopped there. She did not want chemo. Why? Here is an excerpt of our conversation:
Patient: Doc, are there no other treatments that does not cause hair loss?
Me: Well we have other options but the basic treatment / first line standard of care will cause hair fall. I know hair is a very important aspect of your life as a young adult, but please don't worry too much, the hair fall will just be temporary. After treatment, your hair will grow back and you can enjoy different hairstyles again.
*Started crying, and her mother who was with her already started to get mad.*
Me, talking to the mother: It's okay maam. Let's give your daughter some time to feel her emotions and let the facts sink in. This might be too much for her today. Ill talk to her after a week.
Me, talking to the patient: Maam, may I know what it is about hair loss that bothers you so much?
Patient: I dont want to be kalbo, doc. Pangit talaga. Never ako naging kalbo as far as I can remember, doc. Hindi ko yan kaya.
Me: kaya mo yan maam. Believe me, you can do it. This is just temporary. Your hair will grow again. Or you can wear wigs!
Patient: It's so easy for you to say doc because you have nice hair. I am sure pag-kalbo ka, you will also not like it. More so because you are a doctor.
Me: I'll give you some time to think about it maam. Ill see you after a week. I will pray for you.
--
I was really bothered during the weekend about how that conversation went. I was replaying that scene over and over again. How could I have improved the conversation?
My mind is telling me: Just because you'll lose your hair you don't want to get treatment for a very curable cancer?! That's crazy!
But my heart is telling me: Listen to what the patient is telling you, Fred. Listen. Review the convo, and try to see what she is feeling.
And then an aha moment came -she doesn't want to be kalbo because she thinks it's an unprofessional look and she could not face others because of her being kalbo! I was thinking, if she sees me with a bald hair, would she be convinced that it's okay to be kalbo? Without hesitation, I had my hair cut semi-kalbo just to show her that IT IS OKAY. I was thinking that this is worth a shot - if it convinces her, then I will be at peace. If it doesn't, then at least I tried my best.
She followed up earlier, and was so shocked to see me kalbo. She cried and hugged me.
You know what the best thing is? She's scheduled for her first cycle of chemotherapy this week. 🩵
Perspective really matters, and listening to our patients really pays. So to all patients out there, please feel free to openly discuss things with your doctors so that we can also do our best with you and for you. 🙏 🩵
Celebrating this small win with you today, Maam. You can do this! 🙏🎗