09/04/2023
š« šš„²
Iām laying in bed, so tired..but yet, I canāt sleep.
My mind refuses to relax and thereās no way to stop my thoughts, no matter how exhausted my body may be.
More than that, my soul is weary.
Tired of all the things that have been dragging me down lately.
Tired of fighting for survival, trying to find a way to make it every day..
I donāt even have a momentās peace sometimes.
There is always..something.
Something that needs my attention, that breaks my heart a little, that drains my energy, that hurts my feelings.
As I lie here in the dark, thereās no words for what Iām feeling.
The emotions of a hard road defy description..only that Iām worn out.
You stop trying to be happy after a while and just try to survive.
I donāt know what tomorrow may bring, and thereās always this foreboding sense that Iām just waiting for the next disaster to come my way.
Itās a terrible feeling, really, to be captive to your life..
Having no control over anything is a helpless feeling.
I donāt have any answers..nor even the questions to ask.
All I know is I need rest-
For my body, my heart..my soul.
I close my eyes and try to think back to a simpler happier time when my dreams were new and life was brimming with possibility.
Where did I lose my hope along the way?
I exhaled loudly.
I had hit the wall..where I knew I couldnāt go on like this..
Not anymore more..
No longer will I accept letting my life control me..
No longer will I just survive.
Iām better than that.
I donāt know how, but Iām taking my life back.
Iāll figure it out like Iāve always figured things out.
Iām done being a survivor, so weary that even my soul cries for rest.
Iām coming back a warrior.
Itās going to be so hard, but nothing worth having comes easy..
My life is worth it.
My happiness is worth it.
As sleep slowly crawls across me, I drift off to a single thought:
Iām worth it..and I can do it.
Tomorrow, Iām starting a new chapter.
Iām finding my way back to myself, my happiness.
No more excuses, no more pity parties.
Iād forgotten that I had claws all along..
So, Iām finally fighting my way out of this darkness..
Until I can see is the light..
Starting with tomorrow-
Starting with me.
|ravenwolf
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