01/03/2026
The Weight of Two Mothers
The Now: I am standing here, being asked to decide the Code for my Mother-in-Law 3 times in the last 24 hours.
The Doctors: "We have to choose. Full Code—aggressive intervention, shocks, and machines. Or DNR—protecting her peace and allowing a natural end."
Me (11 years back) : Suddenly, it’s 11 years ago at my own Mother’s bedside. I knew the medicine, I knew the 'inevitable,' but I chose 'Full Code' anyway. I wasn't ready to lose her. I was just buying time we didn't truly have.
The Question: How can a human being, even with a medical degree, decide the life of another?
The Truth: It’s not a choice of life vs. death; the illness already decided that. It’s a choice of how they leave us. A Full Code is a final, violent battle. A DNR is an act of mercy. The Pharma Codes on the hospital chart will never record the soul or the sacrifice behind these words.
The Lesson: Does it get easier? No. 11 years later, it’s just as hard. Being a doctor doesn't stop your heart from breaking.
I only hope that when my time comes, no one has to carry this weight for me.
