Worth.iness

Worth.iness Empowering individuals in their voice, autonomy, self-worth and motivation to change.

“Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering." - Carl JungBut, ultimately, the substitute itself becomes mo...
28/11/2024

“Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering." - Carl Jung

But, ultimately, the substitute itself becomes more painful than the legitimate suffering it was designed to avoid. The neurosis itself becomes the biggest problem (Peck, 1978).

I want to talk about emotional regulation today: the experience of processing our emotions and feelings through our body rather than pushing those feelings and experiences down with the use of coping strategies.

It’s ok. No one ever teaches us to regulate our highly sensitive nervous systems when the roots of it are seated in deep mistrust and fear. I would like to address ‘coping mechanisms’ first. Coping mechanisms are intentional (often unintentional) mechanisms we use in order to numb our experiences to avoid pain. Sure, they help us to force ourselves not deal with things that are happening inside our systems, but never really rid us of the experience in itself.

On the other hand, what regulating resources (emotional regulation and self-soothing go hand-in-hand) do is that they bring your awareness to what might be happening in the here-and-now, so you may feel more grounded and equipped to deal with the uncomfortable activation in your system to be able to, finally, discharge it from within your body.

There’s been plenty of times in life when I’ve withheld the capacity to delay gratification and dipped my toes in themes so familiar that it fires the impulses within me. There is nothing wrong with that. No shame for finding yourself wanting to run from pain when the only other alternative would be to subjugate yourself to suffering. I have, myself, made best friends with many coping mechanisms over the years.

Things like food, gaming, substance use, shopping, tv, ocd behaviours and the list goes on. I share this with you because I so deeply want you to know that what you’ve been able to do by far is brilliant. But I also want you to know that we can, now, know of things that can be done differently: by changing our experiences, not just numbing them.

But only if we pause.. (in-fact).. for a few moments.. to stay mindful.. & collect ourselves.. (REFER to slides above 👆🏻)

TRIGGER WARNING ‼️—— Debunking the myths? 📩🙅🏻‍♀️ A woman is not feminine. She is a balance of both her masculine and fem...
28/11/2024

TRIGGER WARNING ‼️—— Debunking the myths? 📩

🙅🏻‍♀️ A woman is not feminine. She is a balance of both her masculine and feminine. Likewise, a man is not masculine. He is a balance of both his masculine and feminine.

Like the sun and moon, light and dark, Yin and Yang, they are binary systems existing in nature, and therefore, in us - one cannot exist without the other. It's like expecting the right side of your brain to function without the left. It’s just not possible.

💆🏻 Both masculine and feminine energy are not defined by traditional gender roles. Where the traditional duties and behaviours of a woman do not define her femininity, the traditional duties and behaviours of a man do not define his masculinity either.

A house-wife may know how to cook and clean, but still be critical, passive-aggressive and overbearing, lacking touch with her playfulness and softness. A company director may know how to navigate professional challenges, but still be Mr. Nice guy and people-pleasing, lacking touch with his assertiveness and discipline.

Showing capacity for self-awareness, reflection, self-regulation, and the ability to empathise with others, are life ski...
28/11/2024

Showing capacity for self-awareness, reflection, self-regulation, and the ability to empathise with others, are life skills to be honed!

However, trauma can cause low emotional intelligence in generations that have experienced it. Low emotional intelligence, in turn, reinforces the generational trauma that is carried across/within cultures & homes 🏡

🧠 It is often classified as:

- Being quick to pass judgment
- Struggling to be honest/congruent with oneself
- Struggling to listen and hear others out, lacking empathy
- Interrupting, talking over others, shutting down the conversation completely
- Not having the vocabulary to identify, manage or process your emotions, so instead you react, attack, judge, name call
- Blaming others for how you feel + your own emotional dysregulation
- Becoming easily defensive and angry
- Becoming quick to deflect (“sorry you feel that way”) and project (a peer bullying another about their insecurities might be projecting their own self-esteem issues onto them)
- Being unable to forgive yourself for past mistakes

🤝🏻 A hallmark sign of being emotionally healthy is that we have high self worth. We don’t want to do intentional damage in our relationships and want to allow people to be seen and heard. Conflict is something that we want to work through, and we want to take accountability for our behaviour, along with committed action to back it up with meaningful adjustment, or change. If someone is showing you through their actions that this is something they are not capable of doing, be aware - as they’re only revealing themselves.

Having the power of choice, agency and responsibility means that you get to choose the spaces people hold in your life. You can not change anyone, but you can always change how you interact with others 💞💫

Boundaries are your personal rules or limits that protect your well-being and inner peace while maintaining healthy rela...
28/11/2024

Boundaries are your personal rules or limits that protect your well-being and inner peace while maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding feelings of resentment. Your boundaries teach others how you want to treated 🌱

The healthiest relationships exist within boundaries, as they build safety and trust, honouring your needs and cultivating an intentional and nurturing environment. The people who won’t listen to your boundaries are those who want to take advantage of you (your energy & time).

☝🏻 Above are examples of statements that are people-pleasing and passive - almost like they’re suger-coated to seek approval and avoid disappointing someone/causing conflict. Boundaries determine your own actions and choices, remaining the most effective when communicated with kindness, while upholding your self-respect with assertion and firmness.

👉🏻 Remember that the other person has a right to react or respond to your boundary as they wish, leaving it upto you to engage with how they have behaved, tolerate it, or not!

Estimates show that up to 70% of inpatients in the UK have histories with trauma, whether they are aware of this or not....
28/11/2024

Estimates show that up to 70% of inpatients in the UK have histories with trauma, whether they are aware of this or not. Alongside, there is no diagnosis of CPTSD included in the DSM-5. Respectively, clients facing severe symptoms are usually sent to the personality disorder service, instead of the trauma service, after being diagnosed with either borderline personality disorder (BPD) or dissociative identity disorder (DID).

Even if they are sent to the trauma service, they don’t likely benefit from the treatments due to the lack of resources invested. Until we start understanding and validating clients with trauma histories in such a way that their lived experiences can be integrated with compassion, warmth and radical self-acceptance, they will continue to be seen as ‘chronically mentally ill’ and part of a pathological phenomenon.

It is much easier to say “she has a disorder” than to recognise that the symptoms are showing up within the body.. her need to say ‘yes’ in toxic work environments and relationships, her need to please others, abandon and glorify herself as a self-sacrificing machine.

We have a collective reality of adults who:

- can’t build healthy partnerships + sabotage their personal relationships
- people-please so much that they neglect themselves in the process
- are filled with repressed anger and rage
- land into frequent cycles of stress, chaos and burnout because it’s all they know
- feel so depressed, hyper-vigilant and overstimulated that they’re stuck in survival mode.

Please educate yourself. Your emotions are indicators of true healing. There is no change without self-awareness.

During my placement and clinical training in the UK, I remember getting caught quite off-guard by one of my peers’ comme...
28/11/2024

During my placement and clinical training in the UK, I remember getting caught quite off-guard by one of my peers’ comments during group supervision. At this time, I was working myself to the ground while struggling with high functioning anxiety, on the verge of burnout, & had severe imposter syndrome —> asian girl from Pakistan completing a postgraduate degree in counselling psychology 👀

Anyways, I thought that my colleague was talking crazy. Our group supervisor had asked us, “How does a free day for you look like?” And she responded saying, “A day full of 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨”.

Commenting more on her daily work ethic, she continued talking about creating strong end of day rituals to mark a solid separation between work and home (i.e., a cup of coffee on the way back from office, post-work exercise at the gym), taking regular breaks when the workload got too overwhelming, not working weekends etc.

My mind was boggled. I contemplated, “I’ve finally got this big opportunity to make the most of, & the challenge here is to take some time off? Seriously?”

Over the months, I gradually came to realise the significance of her doings, as I began to understand that inner peace isn’t the PRICE that one pays for success but, instead, is the ultimate 👉🏻 MEASURE 👈🏻 of it.

As I started reflecting on my unhealthy relationship with rest, I began to understand the reasons from my childhood & past that were fuelling such an imbalance. Taking time off to relax brought with it underlying feelings of guilt and shame that had me spiralling in cycles of self-torture (aka not being ‘productive enough’). My patterns of overachieving, over-performing and over-perfecting were all compensatory responses tied to a low sense of self-worth, leading to a constant fear of failure & a perpetual cycle of unrealistic expectations that I had set of myself. This resulted in a counterproductive effect on my nervous system ➡️ shutdown & freeze.

The slide above notes some questions you can ask yourself if you find the pursuit of your achievements leaving you feeling exhausted, hopeless and defeated. I urge you to deep dive inwards & reframe your inner self-talk with compassion & kindness 🤍

Emotions are fleeting. They’re not facts about the world. But do you still often find yourself stuck in fight/flight mod...
28/11/2024

Emotions are fleeting. They’re not facts about the world. But do you still often find yourself stuck in fight/flight mode? ✈️💨

Start getting real about the conversations you’re having and why it is that you do certain things the way you do 💯

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