10/01/2017
Julie, a 20 year old student, for many years, didn't see eye to eye with her father. Julie, from the hour she was brought into the world, was loved by her father unconditionally. For most of her life, her dad tried desperately to make a loving and caring fatherly connection, but without success.
After long and meaningful consideration, Julie decided to make it up with her father, because deep down she dearly loved him.
Julie's University was quite a distance from where she and her family lived, and on the last day of Uni, her dad was tasked with picking her up by car.
On the way home, as Julie sat in the passenger side, leaning gently against the car door, her head tilted slightly to the left, she glanced and remarked on how beautiful the stream was, how the sun shone through the trees, producing magical and beautiful rays, rays when touching the water, created remarkable diamond like sparkles. Julie took great pride in her attempt to re kindle a loving friendship with her dad, confident he would respond.
But her dad replied, really? How can something as dull and dirty seem so beautiful? Are you blind Julie? Rays? sparkles? Sure its filthy!!
At that exact moment, Julie felt stupid. She thought 'I bet my dad was just biting at the bit to put me down; that was his opportunity and boy did he take it! She decided enough was enough, and thought to herself she will never allow anyone to do that to her again and remained quiet for the remainder of the trip.
A few weeks past and Julie's father became unwell. After a short illness, he passed away. Julie examined her conscious about how she had dealt with the situation on the day her dad brought her home from Uni. She concluded the choice she made was the right one; her conscience was clear!
A few months past, and it was now time to return to Uni. Julie's mum decided to take Julie back. As she sat in the passenger seat, in almost the exact position she had when her dad brought her home. Again, leaning gently against the door, head tilted slightly to the left, she starred once again through the car window. In almost the very same spot were Julie commented to her dad on the way home, again she noticed a stream, a stream where it was impossible for the sun to shine through the trees; there were none! The stream was overgrown with weeds, it was littered with rubbish, it was exactly how her dad had described it. It suddenly dawned on Julie, her dad that day was truthful, the stream he described was on the opposite side of the road; yes you have got it, there were two streams!!!
At that very moment, Julie wanted to turn back the clock. How she wished she took the time to firstly listen, and to seek clarity.
A very important and painful lesson was learned that day, never to make assumptions, to do so in ignorance, can lead to a lifetime of regret. Julie of course couldn't turn back the clock, Julie couldn't apologise for making an assumption erroneously, Julie couldn't seek clarity, but now had to find a way to live with her regret.
I'Il leave you with this little thought to ponder over, how many of us like Julie, have assumed, have not REALLY listened to our loved ones and friends, have fallen out over something we perhaps misconstrued, or parted company because clarity was lacking.
- The Gift of Therapy by Irvin Yalom
