09/08/2025
This post makes me think about how we make decisions as adults; we measure what we should say and do, by how we expect that the people around it respond.
That’s not how we started off. As kids we do what intuition tells us when we hear music we dance. When someone is sad we comfort them, when we have an idea, we share it.
Of course as adults we can’t rely on just intuition. Sadly, in the process of “growing up”, many of us disgard it altogether; adults dont dance unless there is an organised dance and at least 3 other people are dancing, right?
Ideally we first complement intuition with reason, when we start going through adolescence. We learn that dancing when you cross a busy road, may not be a safe idea. And if we don’t fully understand a topic in class, we may wait a moment to share that “bright” idea.
Lastly we learn lesson in politics, when we get older; no matter how much a course of action is supported by reason, if someone in a position of power dislikes the action, you may need to swallow your pride and accept that reason may not prevail.
In a perfect world, we balance intuition, reason and alignment with the people around us. But many of us
a) drop intuition altogether. It means that they stop being spontaneous and easily feel awkward; they are missing on the marrow in life (Dead Poet’s Society referral). There is also a case for intuition being akin Deep Learning; it is not just a certain “je ne sais pas”, but rather the consolidated view of everything you experienced but which your concours mind isn’t able to think through (capacity restraints). It is strongly connected to our body, as intuition’s language is that of physical senses; our gut, our palms, our chest, our cheeks.
b) overly rely on reason. They pride themselves on an academic mind and are of the opinion that, if it can’t be proven, it doesn’t exist. These people end up with massive blind spots because of these can’t reasonably explain something, they will deny it’s existence alright. I have the feeling that these people often be also are perfectionists, as they believe in a perfect world order, where all events fall into place according to reason based frameworks. That includes pencils lying neatly next to each other. OCD expected
c) focus on what impression others have of them. These are the pleasers; they are happy when their bosses and colleagues complement them. People who overtly orientate to the people around them are perhaps the ones I feel most sorry for; because their focus is their biggest downfall. Like a thirsty Tantalus, they are always eager for affirmation, but because they only reflect the opinions of those around them, and they neglect intuition and reason, they never share any great ideas of their own, and as such they rarely get the one thing that so desire.
Culturally, mostly women are predispositioned this way because for thousands of years, women were told to be quietly supportive of their husbands. I’m excited to see that autonomous thought leadership amongst women is on the rise and women are rapidly catching up to/surpassing men.
As for me; I am aware that my complex PTSD induced self sabotage offer prompts me to do the opposite of what I expect people want me to do. Reason override is tiring but I got used to it. I consciously seek the human behind my stakeholders; why do they expect from me what they do? What emotions of hope, fear and anger are behind it? It helps me to want to factor in their needs and wants.
I also get more in touch with intuition by thinking into my body; does something feel good in my body or not? When it comes to harmless stuff, I follow it blindly; if I feel like dancing in public; I will. If I sense a certain unexpressed emotion in someone, I call it out (respectfully), if something feels wrong, I question it.
What about you? What is your self-assessment? Love to hear your thoughts!
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