Family First Global Limited (2026)

24/12/2016

A very blessed Christmas to you and your family !!

03/06/2016

These photos were taken during our book launch - "Be A Better Dad Today" by Gregory W. Slayton. Honorary Gregory W. Slayton a former USA Ambassodor and author of the National Bestseller.

10/03/2016

Teaching Kids to Save

We have a tradition at our house at Christmas time that my Mother will think of a game which we can all play, for which a simple reward is given. One year, she filled up a glass jar with quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies, and the person who guessed the closest to the actual amount that was in the jar would get the money as a prize. Our Son Daniel guessed right within a few cents, and so he won the prize. He was five years old at the time.

Daniel is now 11 years old. Of all our children, he is the one who has the greatest sense about money. He's good at Math, and has a general fascination with numbers. He also has some creative ways to make money. At one point, he had a small "business" going at school where he would buy individually wrapped candy in bulk at the market, and then sell them to the other students for a slight profit. Business was so good, that he even had a couple of other students working for him! One of them was his little sister, who was only six at the time! They bought a plastic organizer to separate the money with the money they earned.

We believe that kids need to learn responsibility from a young age. They should learn to take care of their own space. They should learn to manage their time well. They should not have to be continually reminded of their homework assignments. And they should learn to be good stewards over the money that they have. When these values are instilled into children from a young age, they will not easily fall into a trap in these matters when they grow up.

Daniel and I have had some good talks about money. I don't want him to become greedy, but I also see in him entrepreneurship and industry which I want to encourage. I have talked with him about the pitfalls, and the power of money. I have talked about the joy it can bring when he is able to give it away to help others. When he got a "job" as a model for a couple of days and received quite a sizeable check in the mail, I talked with him about opening a bank account so that he could "grow" his money. His eyes swung open wide. We found a good day when he did not have school and the bank was open, and he carried his money (which was pretty heavy because a lot of it was coins) so that he could open his very first bank account. He was so pleased to find that it was more than $1000. At the end of the month when the bank statement comes in, we celebrate the small gains together.
Hopefully the lessons and disciplines he is learning now will stay with him over a lifetime.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

01/03/2016

Look Alikes

Our Daughter turned 20 this weekend, so my Wife and I brought her with us for a trip over the weekend. After a brief introduction to our friends or associates, a discussion would ensue that went something like this: "She really looks like her Mother," or "I think she has your eyes," or even "Her features are a combination of the best of both of you." That one is my favourite!

It is a special feeling when you hear others say that your children grow up and look like you. As parents, it is a reminder that our children are uniquely a product and extension of our lives together. If it was not for our love, our sons and daughters would not be here. And then they grow up and stand there by our sides, ready to start making their own marks on and contributions to this world.

More important than passing along our physical features, however, isn the responsibility we have as parents is to be an example to our children--to pass on the kind of life that they will want to emulate. Have I been an example of gratitude, hospitality, and courtesy? Have I been consistent and honest, and hard working? Was I critical or harsh with my words, or was I gracious and emphasize the positive traits in others? The fact is, our children are watching, and learning, and will likely some day become a reflection of us in more ways that a chin or a nose; they become like us in our behaviours and attitudes too.

Experts in education agree: instruction can only go so far. Our children need more than just knowledge of good and right things. They need more than just good illustrations from literature or history. The most impactful teaching method is modelling, of showing others the way rather than just telling them or pointing them in the right direction. When this example is made by a teacher or a favorite Uncle, is can be effective. But when a consitent and worthy example is exhibited by Mom and Dad, something more than an outward resemblance will be passed along. Our children might grow up not only looking like us, but walking and talking like us as well. They not only reflect our likeness, but they reflect our values, and follow the standards and principles we ourselves have lived by.

The question is not whether or not we will be an example. The way we live as parents has a deep influence on our children. So the question is rather, will the example be a good one, or a bad one? The choice is ours.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

25/02/2016

Physical Touch

One of the ways we know our family is close is because of physical touch. A hand on the shoulder, a leg over a leg when we are spread out on the couch watching a movie, sitting on a lap, holding a hand when we are walking in the mall-- these are things which have become a part of our family rhythm.

Psychologists and people involved in grief counseling, or early childhood training, or who work among the elderly, all affirm that there is a power to touch. Through the appropriate and timely offering of a handshake, or a hug, we are able to strengthen or comfort the people around us. When this dynamic is a part of the interaction of parents to their children, or even among siblings, it can become a beautiful way to say I love you, I understand, or I care--not as a substitute for words, but as a powerful means of confirming what we express with our lips.

In past generations, and particularly in conservative cultures, people have been shy about touch, especially in public. But times have changed. It is no longer unusual to see young couples holding hands in the park or on the trains. For many, touch is no longer taboo. While there certainly needs to be boundaries in regards to touching, one thing is sure: people who care deeply about each other will show it in many ways, which includes touch.

Although I realised that our family culture includes more physical contact than most families, it never really struck me until my daughter's fiancée mentioned just before their wedding that this was something he found special about his "new family". He would sit down and within seconds one or two of my younger children would be settling down right next to him, with a hand on a shoulder, or leaning upon his side. It may have been a bit uncomfortable at first, but he's grown to love it.

The importance of physical touch is now a part of the curriculum taught to medical students. Here is an excerpt from an article of a Doctor who made this critical discovery:

"Sitting unnoticed on my office desk, and constantly growing in height, resides a stack of letters- distinguished by the repetitious theme constant in them all: "...I was so very frightened when you were about to perform my surgery...until Mary Ellen (nurse) held my hand."

In the early years of the practice of medicine I assumed these frequent testimonials were simply accolades targeted towards a splendid and unique surgical nurse...whose talents and caring interaction with patients in my experience is equaled by none. Quite soon, however, I came to realise that the tactile courtesies my team religiously practiced with patients-those providing a soothing touch, a gentle grasp of the hand, or even a slight hug-were not only surprisingly effective in reducing patient anxiety, but gradually came to be a major expected factor in our doctor-patient relationships."

Spring Festival has drawn to a close. As the birds return to warming temperatures, let's make our homes a warmer place too. Squeeze a hand, rub a shoulder, hug a neck. Let's bring in the New Year with a boom, and a sweet kiss on the cheek for those we love.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

12/02/2016

What’s in a Name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.” Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare

We carefully chose the names of each of our children. We considered the things which we felt would be parts of their characteristics or destinies and anticipated the arrival of our children into this world, that from those first moments and throughout their lifetimes, their names would be inseparable from who they would become.

We also have passed on to them a sense of pride in their “family” or “sur” name. I tell them to consider that this name has been kept honorable by their (imperfect) hardworking and selfless forefathers. It has been laid up for them as a kind of sacred trust, that all that has come to them from this name would not be tarnished by them, but be made more honorable by their contribution.

If a man comes to tryout for an action movie and states his name is “Cruise”, the judges are going to be paying more attention to this performance! A good name has a power to open doors of opportunity. A bad name will quickly close others. When I went to a chiropractor’s office and was told the new assistant’s name was Bruce Lee (李小龙), I could not help but imagine him performing adjustments using martial arts. I waited to hear the primal scream! The association can be neutral, but may also be positive as well as negative; but without a doubt there is something in a name!

There is a sad irony in the “what’s in a name?” quote from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Juliet believed that the last name of her lover, who was from a feuding family, would be of no consequence to their relationship. Unfortunately, her idealism was shattered when the climax of the story ends in tragedy precisely because there was something in the name! I am not advocating judging or rejecting people on the basis of their names. The point here is just practical; names can have a powerful affect on people in a good or a bad way.

I may not leave a large inheritance of lands and houses and profitable businesses to my children. But I can pass on something even more valuable: a good name. Therefore I strive to guard and promote the reputation of our family name. How about you? Does your name smell sweet as a rose?

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

23/01/2016

Family Culture

We used to do a lot of camping as a family growing up. Mom and Dad would pile the four of us boys into the backseat of the car, and haul the camper-trailer with all our gear to the woods by a lake somewhere with no special agenda except to be together. Some of my most precious childhood memories are forever etched on my heart from these times.

Being a family is much more than sharing a name or an address. While some families maintain only casual contact, keep distinct and independent agendas, or pursue personal goals with little regard for each other, they do so at a great cost. For it is in the context of family “culture” that the most fundamental characteristics and values which harness personal success are built. We learn the importance of commitment, of unconditional acceptance, of conflict resolution, and accountability to name a few. These things carry over into every area of our lives at every juncture, and are inseparable from whom we become as a person.

Whether or not we experience the benefits of a healthy family culture depends on a few key factors. First, there must be leadership. Mom and Dad set the tone. If they don’t have a vision for what they want their family to achieve or become, distractions will most certainly arise to choke out initiative. Second, there must be an example. If Mom and Dad do not exemplify the culture they want to permeate the home, the dream will grow foggy and possibly dissipate as if blown away by the wind. Finally, there has to be action. Wise parents therefore make specific plans and put effort into creating a culture which encourages unity and promotes their enshrined values. These actions include the day to day “routine” of life together, as well as the events or hobbies or vacations which are like landmarks and festivals which move the family in a positive direction.

My wife and I incorporated “camping” into our own family culture when we became parents. Whether in a cabin by a lake, or some time spent on the beach, or staying in a village house among a minority people group, we have taken seriously our role to create a positive environment wherein our cherished values can be nurtured among our children. Adding this to a healthy routine during the mundane times, and a standard raised by our example, and I can honestly say that I really love the culture we now enjoy in our home.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

30/12/2015

Adult Conversation

I remember when I was small, at times my parents would have their friends over to our house. Some of them had kids, and some of them did not. If they brought kids along, it was our responsibility to “entertain” them. Whether there were kids or not, one thing is for sure: adults did their “grown up things” and we children, well, we kept our distance.

We raised our kids differently. We have had the privilege of having people from many nations come to our home over the years. Rather than draw a line to keep our kids out, we drew a circle and invited them in. Whenever possible, we encouraged our guests to tell exciting parts of their own stories. Sometimes it has meant getting out pictures, or at others going to a map or atlas. The children were encouraged to ask questions, and learn as much as they can since there is no better history, or geography, or social studies lesson than those which we are able to touch and feel, that have come to life.

Recently my wife and I had to travel for a few days and preferred not to have to take our three youngest children with us because our days there were going to be filled up with meetings and appointments anyway. We talked with them, and then contacted an old friend and his wife, and it was settled that our 8, 11, and 13 year old would spend those days staying in the home of their family which could virtually speak no English whatsoever. Our children of necessity had to speak the foreign language which they have studied but seldom use. They had to eat foods which were totally different from their normal routine. They had to fit in.

And they did. They spoke to the family in a foreign language, and for those days. became just like one of them. They didn’t complain, but embraced the opportunity to get to know others. They helped with some projects, and got along just great. When it was all over and we picked them up, both our children and the family had some disappointment that the time had come to an end. The parents said, “your kids were obedient and we got along just great.” And as we have heard many times over the years, they were surprised at the ease and comfort level of the kids engaging in adult conversation.

Our kids are still kids who enjoy playing games and having fun just like any others. But they are also not intimidated to talk and relate to adults. I think this has served them well.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

16/12/2015

³Smart² Phones

Marketers like to call them Smart Phones, but I have begun to question this usage. When I venture out into the public, when I ride on buses or trains, or sit in waiting halls at airports, or at doctor¹s offices, I find that people are no longer engaged in intelligent and friendly conversation. They and their phones have become the only things in their universe. Maybe the problem is not that they are not ³Smart² Phones; it is that we have ceased to be ³smart² people.

Many parents do not even wait for our children to reach the age of using Smart Phones before unleashing the ³power² of technology on our children.
You don¹t even have to walk to use an ipad! You don¹t have to talk to tap a balloon or make a rabbit jump over a small bush. And just think of how convenient it is to have such a fantastic tool at your disposal. You can go out for a meal at a restaurant, place one of these fancy ³playmates² in your child¹s hands, and you won¹t even have to give them another thought until the whole meal is finished!

You might say the Smart Phones and tablets are to childraising what microwaves were to cooking. Just as people don¹t need to cook anymore, they don¹t have to take up all their time answering all those questions that little kids ask, or worry about them becoming bored or interrupting us at the wrong times.

My wife and I have decided that that we would rather put up with some interruptions. We would rather our children be included in our mealtimes and not just ³seen and not heard². We would rather they not have a need or habit of being entertained all the time. We would rather they grow up with an awareness of the people around them, and with an eye on their surroundings. I was reminded of the importance of this decision today when I was busy with preparations for the next stage of our travel and our three youngest children were left in an environment where they could not watch TV, or contact any friends, or engage with anything from their own familiar surroundings for three hours, and yet each child was involved in his or her own activities without a single complaint or sign or boredom.

I am not against modern technologies and conveniences. Although we don¹t own a microwave, I would never say that they have not come in handy at times. And I do own a Smart Phone, but I am very careful to make it my servant and not the other way around. As responsible parents in a technologically complex world, we owe it to our children to put all these ³toys² in their proper place and perspective. Otherwise we may find that things which have been advertised as ³smart² will affect our children in ways that will make us as parents lookŠshall I say, not so smart when our little ones grow up as slaves of the things over which they should have been wise masters.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

02/12/2015

Dating your Kids

Ask our daughters what a DDD or an MDD is and you are sure to get a shy, warm response. Daddy/Daughter and Mommy/Daughter Dates are an important part of our family culture. Is it yours?

The DDD/MDD does not have to be something extraordinary. We do the same with our sons too. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, and you don’t have to go to the local Theme Park to have a meaningful time with one of your children. We have learned that just being together, one on one, even doing things which you do routinely, can be special. The point is not what you do, or where you do it, but that you as a parent are taking the time to give specifically, personally, to one of your children. We may think that our children mean a lot to us. We may tell other people just how much we love our children.

We may even tell our own children (yes!) that we are proud of them, or praise them for their creativity or hard work. But love is a four- letter word, and it is spelled T-I-M-E. There is simply no substitute for spending quality time with our sons and daughters.

Let them choose where you are going to eat. Buy a small memento. Take some “selfies”. Ask them how things have been going lately? With school? With friends? You will likely find as I have that it is in these times that your son or daughter will open up about some personal struggle. You may make an important discovery about how he or she thinks, or about some gift, or talent, or interest. You can share something about yourself too which you might not typically talk about with more people around.

If you have never dated your kids, why not plan your first one today? You will be glad you did.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

30/11/2015

Tell Them

I grew up in a part of the world where people don’t naturally share their feelings. It is not as though the mothers and fathers in our neighborhoods did not love and appreciate their children, it just was not a part of the culture to say so. They would still drive them to and from events, and still give them good gifts at Christmas and birthdays. It is simply that there were no warm words or expressions of the heart to back up the kind and generous things they would do.

While some cultures are more likely to verbally express their appreciation or love, many have been raised in families where these things were seldom if ever really spoken. It is like the woman who complained to her husband, “but you never tell me you love me!” only to have him retort, “I told you that forty years ago on the day we were married and I haven’t changed my mind yet!”

If you have lived without the support of endearing words, you are not alone. But the fact that many keep silent does not make it right. The psychological and emotional boost one gets from affirming and heartfelt sentiments should not only come in the form of a store-bought card on a special occasion once a year. Whether it is the culture in which you were raised, or of your family, or the habit which has evolved among loved ones, we should resolve here and now that this needs to change. Tell your wife or your husband how much you love him or her today. Don’t go to sleep tonight without telling your children how deeply you feel about them. Pick up the phone and tell your parents how much you love and appreciate them for all they have done for you.

Sure, all relationship have their bumpy roads, stretching times, and formidable challenges. Some days it will be harder to say “I love you” than others. But in our heart of hearts, we know that our love and commitment to each other does not change any more than we would jump out of the car when navigating a difficult turn. In fact, it is precisely because there are difficult times that we need to build up a culture in our lives of telling the people who are in our lives that we truly do care for them. When doubts and suspicions come, the words we have spoken are a strong tower of defense that make us strong.

Bottom line? Whether or not it is your people’s culture, your family’s culture, or your personal practice, we should just do the right thing. And that means speak up. If you love them, tell them.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

10/11/2015

Honesty, the best policy

I will never forget what my cultural anthropology teacher said about the day “my life was changed forever”. He had been living in a foreign land where his "expertise" was sought after and highly respected. Life abroad had plateaued for him, and he had nearly given up hope of having any meaningful friendships with the local population. Then one day, when faced with some real struggles, he humbled himself and asked the local people for help. Completely absent of any pretense, and no longer hiding under the cloak of being the “expert”, he honestly told them, "Look, I could really use some help". Suddenly, a visible shift took place. The people became warm and cordial to him like never before. From that day to the present, he has been accepted just like one of them.

When it comes to parenting, honesty is the best policy. No one knows us like our family, and yet like my professor, we parents don’t always put on an honest face. I had one of these moments with my 13 year old son this week. I told him about some of the struggles I went through when I was a teenager. I told him that I went through a period when I was more concerned about what my peers thought about me than I should have been. I told him that I ended up doing some things which really were not “me”, just so I could gain their approval. I told him that I took some risks that I wished I had not taken. I told him about some mistakes I had made.

My son responded immediately. He saw me as real. He saw me as someone who might understand some of the things that he is facing. He also saw me as someone who had survived and has gone on to become successful as an adult, which I suspect helped him to see that he can too. He opened up to me. Now that he could relate to me, he wanted me to be able to a part of his struggles rather than trying to hide them from me. Because I was honest, he could be too. If I have given him the gift of being honest in life, I may have given him one of the most important keys to becoming a contented and successful adult. Then hopefully, when the time is right, he will have this conversation with his own son one day.

By Executive Director
Kevin Graves

Family First Global Limited

24/12/2016

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