01/08/2025
THE BODY REMEMBERS. I wish I had a more poetic and graceful caregiver story to offer, but I don't. I was physically there caregiving, but on the inside, a part of me up until the last few weeks was looking away, hoping someone would wake me and tell me it was all a really, really bad dream.
our earliest relational patterns re-emerge at times of overwhelm, in spite of ourselves, as did mine. I avoided, not because I didn't care, but because I did - a lot - more than my heart could handle at the time.
and here we are, right around the time three years ago that a dear friend firmly, kindly and honestly said: "I hope that you're able to find it in yourself to stay with what is here, while they are still here" (or something like that, my life is a blur from that time).
somehow, something in me has decided that maybe now I can meet this tidalwave that threatened to drown me then. it is still big and scary, and I feel a little more ready now.
I share this to say that the body remembers, and it releases when it knows it can be met. by the version of ourselves here today, with the network of support we have. and that maybe it's okay we don't ever really know when we are "healed" around something even many years later. because what if we are not puzzles to be solved but vast oceans whose infinite depths long to be illuminated by the light of our own clear seeing? ♥️