06/25/2024
In light of my recent struggle in deciding to go public with my physical health situation, I wondered, what do "helpers," more specifically, other mental health providers do when they need help? After much reflection and prayer, I obviously chose to share my story and need of help. I was concerned that it might be upsetting, concerning to current and possibly new clients. As I thought about my body, I knew all of my current clients already know.
As a clinician for 25+ years, I never had to contemplate with my own mortality, with the exception of training to be an EMT and studying "injuries incompatible with life." I know that no one is promised a tomorrow. I thought about my clients working on and . I certainly didn't want to add to their journey. I've also worked with many clients on not keeping secrets, to be clear I am not suggesting we freely share our personal lives with our clients. I am saying that sharing my struggle in a public forum could impact them and seemingly out of the blue. With many clients, friends, and consumers of mental health services, I've shared that in our society we don't talk openly and freely about death and dying...and a few other things to be addressed on another day. I also embrace the importance for me to live my life as authentically me.
I certainly don't want to have to stop working. I love what I do. I want to expand how I help and was ready to launch a YouTube channel, and have a few other income streams. And then, my heart began to send me messages to take care of it now, or pay later. I'd loved to be in the financial position to schedule appointments with specialists, have tests run, find out the best courses of action and make an informed choice. As a single, older, crippled woman in private practice that's not so simple. In fact it's quite difficult. If I'm out of work for even a week, bills might not get paid, rent might not get paid, and the cascading spiral downward that comes with housing insecurity, no way to work, etc.
Then the medical bills for all the testing, labwork, etc. would be overwhelming and certainly not help me effectively manage my stress which directly impacts my "spasms," and my heart. I'm quite sure that the stress of even making the decision to ask for help, to acknowledge that without help, my options would be very limited and the stress of "all that" I would struggle with trying to slow down (or get run over) by my would negatively impact my and my health. We now know with scientific certainty that trauma impact our physical health at the cellular level.
If you're a therapist reading my post, you are likely familiar with ACES or Adverse Childhood Experiences. My score was a 9. If it wasn't for the years I spent as an athlete, singing, and my sense of humor... and lots of therapy years ago, I'd likely be at best, in much worse physical health. I'm sure it played a role in the deaths of both of my brothers.
This brings me back to, what would you do? Would you share publicly? Ask for help publicly? Keep your help to local resources? I'm particularly asking those of you reading this who are dependent and solely reliant on yourself if and when you are in the position I find myself. I have my faith, and a gracious cousin who helped me recently.
I'm already prepared for the negative "judgey" people. I've already started to hear from them. It's the "what did you do wrong?!" "Can't you work more?!" (followed by the under their breath and loud enough to hear, you're just not doing enough) I would love nothing more to be able to work more. That's a discussion for another day.
Please share your thoughts abs comments of any type. How would you or how have you handled a similar situation.
After first posting this, I received some help, lots of prayers, notes of support, some divergent viewpoints re: telling my story, asking for help was "inappropriate". As long as it was expressed appropriately, I embrace different views and support another's POV even when sometime vehemently disagrees. I also received private messages to me from other, older, single, professional women who were in similar circumstances and felt they could not share their story publicly. They asked if I would add their voices to my story. They thanked me for bringing out similar stories to the public. They expressed being fearful of being judged, not understood, invalidated, and ashamed.
