06/02/2023
Characteristics of a toxic relationship
(Part 1)
1. Dependency. A toxic relationship is often characterized by consistent pre-occupation and extreme dependency on a partner. As the dependency grows, other relationships and parts of a person’s life are affected or even ignored. Dependency is driven by a fear of abandonment.
2. Controlling behaviors on both parties.
Your partner controls or attempts to control you through manipulative behaviors, criticism, withdrawal of love, intimidation, threats, emotional, or even physical abuse.
You on the other hand try to gain control by suppressing your needs, wants, and desires.
It is like losing control to gain control.
For example, if your partner reacts to your assertiveness with abuse the response is often to be less assertive.
You might reason, when I speak up for myself, my partner becomes abusive, critical, or judgmental. Therefore, I will not speak up on this matter again.
This is a problematic way of reasoning, and the result is often worsening self-esteem.
This is a form of self-silencing that teaches the other person to continue to be abusive towards you. The more you silence yourself the less you feel good about yourself and the less control you have.
This creates an ongoing source of stress and anxiety.
3. Jealousy, possessiveness, and lack of trust. Your partner frequently accuses you of infidelity or fears that you will be unfaithful.
They may engage in controlling behaviors such as insisting that they know your whereabouts at all times, track you, etc.
Often the reaction is trying really hard to reassure of your trustworthiness. However, this does not work.
That is because the lack of trust is not on your part, but on your partner’s part. Thus, the reassurance does not stick. Only the person who lacks trust can fix the problems that cause them to lack trust in others.
