SZTherapy

09/03/2025

Authenticity and vulnerability – those are two buzzwords we talk about a lot in personal growth and community development work. Most of us know how important they both are, and so we strive to embrace them. But… there’s an important aspect that is sometimes missing from the conversation: em....

09/02/2025

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08/29/2025

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-health-nerd/202503/the-psychological-benefits-of-spirituality

Discover how spirituality boosts mental health—new research reveals its powerful role in reducing anxiety, fighting depression, and creating meaning in life's challenges.

08/28/2025

My co-therapist today 🐾

… 7 sessions of sniffs and snuggles from my Montana girl 🤎🤍

08/13/2025

Ready to cultivate deeper connections?

Remember, we cannot build new relationships using our old, wounded ways. We MUST be willing to do something differently, and consistently walk the path we now know is healthy. 💪🏼

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1️⃣ Lead with your recovery behaviors—try journaling or mindfulness to connect with yourself first! 💭
2️⃣ Choose safe people who respect your boundaries and encourage your growth (and who are also on this path 🫱🏼‍🫲🏾
3️⃣ Lean into vulnerability; it’s where true connection happens! 🌿
4️⃣ Practice saying “no” to what doesn’t align with your values or well-being—your voice matters!

Let’s pave the way for new, fulfilling relationships!

08/11/2025

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/15oGeM5p1w/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Rupture in relationships is inevitable — but repair is a skill.

Strategies to Help Clients Navigate Rupture and Build Skills of Repair gives you a roadmap to help clients rebuild trust and connection.

Because unresolved ruptures don’t just fade — they fester.

Sign up today for 50% off! ➡️ https://www.nicabm.com/program/rupture-repair-8/?del=8.10.2025FBPost

08/11/2025

As stated in my previous article, researchers have found that personality disorders (high-conflict personalities) are more common than previously thought. One common feature of high-conflict personalities is that they lack emotional maturity in interpersonal relationships. Emotional maturity is t....

08/06/2025

▪️The Invalidation Triple Threat▪️

In his book, “This Is How Your Marriage Ends,” Matthew Fray introduces a particularly destructive pattern called the “invalidation triple threat.”

When invalidation becomes a recurring pattern, it has profound consequences on a relationship:

• Emotional disconnection: The hurt partner may withdraw emotionally, feeling that there is no point in expressing their feelings if they will not be acknowledged.
• Erosion of trust: Trust is built on mutual respect and understanding. When one partner consistently invalidates the other, trust deteriorates.
• Increased conflict: Unresolved emotions often resurface as resentment, leading to more frequent and intense arguments.
• Psychological harm: Long-term invalidation can contribute to anxiety, depression, and feelings of unworthiness.

Fray’s invalidation triple threat consists of three compounding layers of invalidation between partners, leading to deep relational wounds that can be difficult to heal and reverse.

Here is the threatening trifecta:

1. Disagreeing with your partner’s feelings.

This invalidation occurs when a person dismisses or challenges their partner’s emotions. Rather than accepting their partner’s feelings as valid, they downplay or negate them.

Example: A wife expresses hurt that her husband forgot their anniversary. Instead of acknowledging her feelings, he says, "You’re making a big deal out of nothing. It’s just another day."

When a person’s feelings are dismissed, they feel misunderstood and emotionally neglected. This creates frustration and signals that their emotions do not matter in the relationship.

2. Defending yourself instead of validating their experience.

The second layer of invalidation occurs when a person, instead of recognizing their partner’s pain, becomes defensive and justifies their actions.

Example: The husband responds, "I didn’t forget. I was just busy with a lot of work. You’re being unfair by making this about me."

Defensiveness shifts the focus from the hurt partner’s experience to the nonhurt partner’s justification. This leaves the hurt partner feeling even more unheard, as their emotions are pushed aside in favor of explaining intent.

3. Criticizing how your partner expresses their hurt.

The next layer of the invalidation triple threat takes place when a person criticizes howtheir partner communicated their emotions instead of addressing the emotional pain itself.

Example: The husband adds, "You didn’t have to yell at me. If you had just said it nicely, maybe I’d care more."

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-wisdom-of-anger/202502/the-silent-killer-of-relationships

02/17/2025

02/11/2025

Observances are not complaints.

Unhealthy relationships will have people convinced that bringing an issue or relational concern to the table is complaining, nagging, or trying to find problems where there aren’t any.

A healthy relationship welcomes insight, concern, and observations about the state of the relationship or threats to the relational health. In fact, it is a mutual responsibility for each party to bring concerns and observations to the other. It is a loving act…an act guiding the relationship to its highest health, and is seen as a gift by a healthy partner.

If relational observances are met with defensiveness, rage, blame-shifting and gaslighting then it’s time to take a look at the health of your relationship.