David Sherwood, PhD, LMFT

07/12/2025

06/11/2025

Marriage is hard work.

But not all hard work is the same.

The kind of work that makes for a good marriage is more gardener than coal miner, more artist than house painter, more poet than lawyer.

It’s the kind of work that cultivates the right conditions for something beautiful to grow. It wrestles with brush strokes and word choices in pursuit of a masterpiece.

Coal miners and gardeners both get their hands dirty. One to create new life. One to dig through what’s dead to keep the lights on.

Artists and house painters both spend hours with a brush. One to express what often goes unspoken. One to cover up what is deemed unsightly.

Poets and lawyers both work hard to master language. One to inspire and connect. One to defend and prosecute.

So when things in marriage feel hard, it doesn’t mean you have a bad one. Gardens have stones. Artists can have different visions. Poets can struggle to find the right words.

But when a relationship gets hard, it’s important to ask what kind of work you’re doing.

If you find yourself in a coal mine of a marriage, digging and digging to find something that’ll sustain you, it may be time to put down the pickaxe. If you’re working hard to cover up the peeling paint and cracks, it may be time to exchange the roller for a brush and a canvas. If you’re always busy building a case to justify your side of the story, it may be time to exit the courtroom.

Everyone works hard in marriage. But the kind of hard work we choose determines whether we’re cultivating something beautiful or digging a deeper hole. Creating a masterpiece or whitewashing wounds. Using our words to connect and inspire or crafting verbal defenses to escape our shame.

Satisfying marriages aren’t effortless. They require a specific kind of work. The kind that leads to connection instead of defensiveness. The kind that heals instead of hides. The kind that grows, creates, and cultivates something new, something beautiful.

The work isn’t to endure unhelpful ways of relating. It’s to keep creating something new and alive, together.

04/13/2025

https://www.davidsherwoodcounseling.com/new-blog/2025/4/9/good-husbands-dont-focus-on-being-good-husbandsthey-focus-on-their-wives

"When being a "good husband" has all of our attention, there isn’t any left for our wives."

Most husbands want to get it right. They try hard to be supportive, thoughtful, and reliable. But sometimes, focusing on being a “good husband” can unintentionally get in the way of real connection. There is a subtle but crucial difference between performing love and offering presence.

04/07/2025

Quote is from .miii

04/03/2025

https://www.davidsherwoodcounseling.com/new-blog/2025/4/3/questions-im-afraid-to-ask

“Not because I’ve untangled all my motives. Not because I’m sure this isn’t performative. But because I believe the questions are worth asking anyway.”

04/02/2025

https://www.davidsherwoodcounseling.com/new-blog/2025/4/2/hope-amp-heartbreak

“I became wary of anything that felt promising or joyful. Like joy was a distraction I couldn’t afford.”

03/31/2025

https://www.davidsherwoodcounseling.com/new-blog/2025/3/31/thirst-misattributed

Thirst Misattributed By David Sherwood I’ve often carried a deep longing for “real” relationship—the kind where I’m truly seen and known, where the conversation moves beneath the surface and something mutual and meaningful is exchanged. These days, I recognize it as a good and honest ache....

03/30/2025

https://www.davidsherwoodcounseling.com/new-blog/2025/3/30/people-arent-projects-the-gospel-isnt-a-pitch-and-god-isnt-a-product

"Unpack why love without an agenda mirrors Jesus’ way and how real faith is shared through relationship, not performance."

03/27/2025

https://www.davidsherwoodcounseling.com/new-blog/2025/3/27/the-gift-of-uncertainty

Explore how doubt, mystery, and shifting perspectives can deepen faith and open us to a more spacious understanding of truth, trust, and growth.

01/22/2025

An “I’m sorry” given too quickly makes things worse.

649 likes, 14 comments. “Link in bio to get the replay of the free relationship masterclass! Basic overview of The Mirror Game: ONE: I reflect you until you FEEL understood. TWO: Then you reflect me. *Slightly more detailed explanation* Step One: Reflect the other person's perspective and explain ...

03/04/2024

“If I let myself really understand another person, I might be changed by that understanding. And we all fear change. So as I say, it is not an easy thing to permit oneself to understand an individual.”
Carl R. Rogers